Another Poem...

[SLE15]

This is for the words I can't say today, the worst one so far.

I've titled it "Thank You James" because James Blunt helped me find the words.

What can I say to ease your pain?

No pill or person can cure...

All you did was turn to me and ask me if "I'm sure".

I feel it in my bones today, I knew it in my heart

The doctors didn't have to tell me,

I knew I'd fell apart.

I'm sorry, I guess; I no longer know

Should I stay while you watch me go?

Sorry to let you down,

I promise, I DID fight,

I tried for us, I tried to live,

But this mind of mine has no life left to give.

So I hope you can tell, you helped me believe love again

As James said "Goodbye my Lover, Goodbye my Friend"

It seems my life, but not my Love, as come to an end.

What can I do to stop your hurt?

You priced me so much higher than I was worth.

What is there left but little time?

To tell you how its gonna be okay?

That anyone will be lucky to what once was mine

And I'm sure She will one day.

So goodbye my Love, my dreams, my life,

I guess, now, I'll never be your wife.

But that's how I feel, so connected to your breath

I want you to know, nothing can take away my Love

Not even after willful Death.

[Snowdragon]

Dear SLE....I cried when I read your poem as I understand how you feel.I was going through a very bad time a couple of weeks ago. abut please look at what you have. I know it is hard and every day a struggle but what actually kept me going was my indoor cat just as simple as that(not my hubby or my children) which I know sounds bad as I love them dearly but my Cat who is my baby.Please talk to your doctor to see if they can help .I shall send you healing and lots of love from my heart and big hugs xxxx

[SLE15 in reply to Snowdragon]

Sorry to hear you went through a rough time; even more sorry to hear I made you cry.

I think I was over-whelmed by the bigger picture and all I've lost over the last few years. I don't feel like I'm the person I want to be. I tried to avoid the things that make me happy because I was so happy before... and I lost everything. But now I have this wonderful partner and I keep thinking how much better it would be if he'd known me when I was well and happy.

But, we've had a long, long talk and he says that whoever it is that I see in myself, or whoever I was "back then", that's who he sees everyday.

I had a house-rabbit called Mocha who I loved dearly and was my only firend for a while, but I had to give her up when I left the States to come back to England. I miss her so much so can appreciate your love for your cat.

I went to my doctor and they want me to go on anti-depressants, but I refuse until I've really tried dealing with this on my way first.

Thank you so much for your response, it means a lot. Hugs to you and your family. Especially to your Cat for helping you through,xxx

[Snowdragon in reply to SLE15]

Thank you for your lovely reply. It seems animals have always been my rocks through part of my life.I used to have german she[herds and also was part of an animal rescue caring for small animals and the love these little souls radiated was unbeleivable. I like you miss what I had the freedom to decide if I can go for a walk or do something in the house. Meditating used to help a lot.Being a healer and helping others(people and animals) also kept me focused.I aren't on anti depressants and can understand you wanting to try on your own. I was thinking a little while ago about your poetry,i also write poetry when i am inspired to,mostly when something means so much to me whether it is sad or happy. Hugs my friend and Big hug from Bear(my cat)xxxxxx

[Maya23]

Such a beautiful but bitter sweet poem, you are a good writer. Thank you for sharing it with us. please keep going, I know how every day can seem like climbing a mountain but you are loved and valued. It's the little things that keep me going, a beautiful view, the sun shining on a flower, children laughing, the smell of lavender after rain. I hope you can find the little things that make your own life worth being around for. Sending love xx

[SLE15 in reply to Maya23]

Thank you for your words. It's taken me a while to get back up, and I'm still working on it but I think the main thing I never realized is, I miss writing and drawing and being creative in general. You see I was on my way to becoming a film maker when a lot of things went wrong. Now I can;t even watch my favorite films because it reminds me of what I gave up.

I've decided to do one thing a week which used to make me happy and be part of who I am. For Example, this week I'm going to watch "Singin' in the Rain" with my partner, which I've refused to do until now. So thank you.xxxx

[Looby in reply to SLE15]

I can empathise with this too....altho my husband and I have really loved watching the Olympics, it made me sad too...... Remembering that in my teens and twenties, I did competitive gymnastics and athletics and it would be fair to say that this was to a high standard. Later on, I became an artist/illustrator - mainly as a hobby, but some works published. I helped to edit a Literary Magazine at Uni and have written poetry and short stories. Now - the creative energy seems to have disipated, along with the physical energy.

The creative thing I most enjoy now (and can still do, on occasions) is singing...we have found a choir who rehearse in the afternoons with a hugely talented MD who makes it FUN. This choir is having a break through the Summer, which is probably why I'm feeling lower than normal - as well as my frustration with the medical profession, which you will see in my other posts!

I have a maxim which I TRY to live up to - given to me by my dear Grandpa:

"Life is not about holding the best cards, but playing a poor hand well......"

Hope you were singing along with Gene Kelly......... Lin x

[Maya23 in reply to Looby]

Thanks for sharing that.. life is definitely about playing a poor hand well! Glad you found a way to have fun with the singing. I think having fun should be our top priority!! It makes me feel so much more able to cope with pain and limitations. xx

[Tigerlily4]

Beautiful words <3 xxx

[SLE15 in reply to Tigerlily4]

thank you.

[Looby]

You've touched our hearts yet again....... Hope the love you have gives you courage to rage against the dying of the light.....as Dylan Thomas so poignantly put it.

[SLE15 in reply to Looby]

I'm a fan of Dylan Thomas, so your words really spoke to me, Thank you.x