Does lupus get worse when your man keeps moaning

[Liz2468]

Hi my partner keeps moaning at me at the least stupid things and I feel my lupus gets worse for it

[Spanielmadlady]

Wouldn't surprise me hes causing you emotional stress and we all know what stress does to us lupies .you could educate him more ,go into selective deafness mode or let it all just go over your head.i chose the other option of being on my own and it's bliss xx

[Liz2468 in reply to Spanielmadlady]

Hi thank you for responding back to me I appreciate it thanks yes I think you are quite right it’s time I got rid of him it’s been going on to long take care of yourself

[weathervane in reply to Liz2468]

Can you have an honest chat with your partner about how you feel before doing anything drastic. I don’t think men have the same empathy as women sometimes, some people think you need to tough it out🤨. There are alot of great leaflets on the lupus uk site if you could download them for him ?My heart goes out to you as its important to have support 🤗🤗🤗

[Spanielmadlady in reply to weathervane]

Depends on the support...bad support that drags you down isn't worth having . Id rather have no support then bad support at least that way I have no arguments,no one to justify anything too and less stress.x

[weathervane in reply to Spanielmadlady]

Very true, my husband is very understanding and im grateful for that, he has also had to care for his Mum and Dad who both passed in the last year which has probably helped his understanding . Sometimes you have to have gone through it to understand it.

[Spanielmadlady in reply to weathervane]

Definitely ...couldnt agree more life experiences make a huge difference.sorry to hear of your losses 🤗 x

[weathervane in reply to Spanielmadlady]

Thank you , it was a difficult yearxx

[happytulip in reply to Spanielmadlady]

Totally agree. The trauma and stress that my ex put me through after diagnosis almost finished me off as it made my SLE and pericarditis flare so badly. I then learnt how to support myself and get through the hard times on my own (mostly).

Then recently I met someone. Things were good but I started to be made to feel guilt and shame after a very sad personal loss which caused a flare. Fortunately I recognised the negative impact it was having on me and felt strong and positive to wave a goodbye without a glance over my shoulder.

SLE makes me feel bad enough. I don't need anyone making it worse.

[Hidden in reply to happytulip]

Good for you 🤗

[Spanielmadlady in reply to happytulip]

I too have learnt to support myself and worked out coping strategies that work for me.it is hard to feel strong when poorly but we are all stronger then we think we are .it's a pity some people have to endure crap because of other people's ingorance in order to discover their inner strength.our illness can rob us of confidence too which I think some people take advantage of.Well done for coping and for having the confidence to wave him goodbye.

I hope things are settled for you right now . Big hug 🤗 xx

[happytulip in reply to Spanielmadlady]

Thank you x

[Suvi8901]

Anyone who moans about one’s lupus causes stress and makes lupus worse.

[elizabeth-57]

Yes I’m sure stress makes lupus worse 😢

[poseymint]

Yes, absolutely, people directing anger and harsh judgement towards me is my biggest trigger. I became much healthier after my divorce and getting away from my ex-husband. He was very critical especially when I didn't feel well.

Long after divorce, I went into a big flare when my ex-husband sent me an angry text. I went into nerve pain, muscle aches all over. Frustrating that I'm still sensitive to his anger. Another time went into a flare when my sister was angry at me. I just have to separate from the situation and people, nurture and take care of myself until I can recover. Sometimes resolving the conflict will help but sometimes I don't want to expose myself to more of the same.

[Leenie0811]

I can totally relate to this, my partner comes from a family where health is not a big issue nor is it talked about to others. You keep your issues to yourself and do not openly talk about them however, I have a social media page and spread awareness of my lupus, endometriosis, Raynaud's, and neurodiversity. I basically tell my partner they are entitled to their opinion but that does not mean I won't do what is best for me. Also, I have found spending time alone in stressful situations helps me or I will speak to my mum. She has chronic illnesses and understands so much more than my partner. I think when you don't experience it you just cannot put yourself in that person's shoes which is exactly why I stopped trying to explain it all. I now say I need to rest or I need some alone/quiet time rather than explaining everything and usually, this works. Failing that I do end up getting mad or upset and that does tend to result in the same situation of being left alone. I defo let a lot of things go rather than raising them. Since getting sick I think you realise what's worth it and what is best left alone.

One main thing though is if you have tried these strategies and your partner does not get the message or want to work with you on things then maybe that is the time you end the relationship. Make sure you do look at all the options though before making a drastic decision, your partner might not be aware of the toll it is taking on you for such small things to moan about.

Hang in there and keep smiling!

Leenie x