Finding strength in unexpected places

[flap7]

I hope you don't mind a little bit of offloading - I'm sure that this will be a familiar experience for some of you.

I was having a bit of a clear out of my phone the other day and realised I had message threads that were quite old. I tracked some of them back to the date of my diagnosis of SLE when I thought I'd update people in my life I thought I was close to with this information.

" Let us know how you're getting on" and "We miss you" still rung in my ears at the time.

With just a few exceptions, these friends/colleagues have not made any contact with me since I sent those messages.

I'm not posting this to say 'woe is me'. I post this for all of us have experienced this and have remained strong and moved on with our lives.

We live with this disease that throws us a curve ball every day of the week yet we all adapt and survive. Others are not strong enough to face or sit with our pain or distress yet still we endure, survive and thrive.

Even when you're having your worst day, know that you have more strength and backbone (even if it is crumbly) than most.

❤

[whisperit]

Thanks flap7,

As you suggest, you aren't the only one to have experienced this. I am still shocked by the number of people I regarded as close friends who know I have lost my job and become housebound, but have made no effort to contact me over these last 3 years. Had the roles been reversed, would I have been any better?

I'm generally a bit wary of proclaiming that adversity is good for us - but heck, we are tough, and maybe a bit more compassionate for it x

[flap7 in reply to whisperit]

Whisperit, it is difficult at times to fathom the thinking behind this behaviour. I can lay money on it that you were there to support these friends during their bad times. I think that sometimes people are immersed in their own lives and have their own problems, finding it difficult to make room for our complex issues. We are very special in that respect! I believe that you are right about us being a more compassionate lot. Although in a virtual capacity, their loss is our gain; your insight and compassion have helped many people here, including me. Thank you xx

[whisperit in reply to flap7]

thanks flap7, that's kind of you to say so. I'm not quite so confident in my moral virtue though x

[Lupiknits]

Yes, this has happened to me. Like whisperit, I hope I would do better if a friend had problems. Otherwise I've developed a sort of shiny spine and try not to think about it. I have neighbours who see me struggling around the block with the dog who are kinder.

[flap7 in reply to Lupiknits]

Lupiknits, I like the idea of your 'shiny spine' - I will have to visualise that when I'm feeling wobbly. It's strange, I'm usually quite philosophical about this sort of thing. It has been one of those weeks, just adjusting to increasing doses of MMF, feeling tired and sore and struggling to achieve all of the tasks I'd listed for myself this week. My husband is lovely and always has time to listen and help but it would be nice at times to take the pressure off him for a bit.

All will settle down soon.

[Lupiknits in reply to flap7]

You know you can always share with us. Cyber friend who understand better than most. I stole "shiny spine" from somewhere, but can't remember where x

[Horsewhisper]

Hi flap67

I’m with you on that and thanks for echoing similar thoughts. I have found that some of my oldest and closest friends have been a bit lacking in the odd text/phonecall department and have started to fade on the friendship front. I put it down to them not knowing what to say or do for me and their mindset of, “I’ll just let her get on with it”. Good health is so precious and life is so fragile that sometimes it reminds people of how mortal we all are.

Where random acts of kindness appear from those who you least expect it from, I have learned to readily accept and treasure them. Maybe new friends will appear who have true understanding; filling the gaps the others have left open for them.

👍😊

[johare]

I can only agree with whats been said. I have been retired five years now and the calls and contact disintegrated. People have their own lives and yours becomes insignificant when they don't see you every day. They don't know what to say or do. Our families struggle so they will too. I did become upset when I was low myself but now I'm am stronger than them.