Hi, I haven't posted in a while, been hurting sooo bad.

[Loopydroopy]

It's been awful, I work full time and my job is soooo stressful. So much drama and crazy going on at every level. I've been offered another job that starts in November but I'm so afraid of taking it because I've been so sick lately. My brain has been so foggy and this upcoming job I would need to be on top of things and be at my best for the beginning at least until they build up to hire someone else. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, however I wish my husband understood more how I feel all the time. I work and work and work. That's all my life consists of. That's all the energy I have and that's dwindling as we speak. I have no life outside of work I'm so tired and brain dead all the time. I've been so depressed all I do is cry anymore. I feel so out of control and hate having to beg for steroids all the time, you'd think I'm asking for heroine or something. I really even wonder if I'm going to have the energy to start the new job. I wish I could just take some time off from working all together. If I only could get that money tree in the back yard to grow. Thanks for listening.

[pixiewixie]

Thinking of you, hope that tree grows & grows!! xx Pixiewixie

[Loopydroopy in reply to pixiewixie]

Thanks pixie, lol I planted it a long time ago and it's still not producing. I need to meet Jack with his magic beans. Tks for listening

[webar4780]

Loopydroopy,

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I probably can't ever make anyone understand, that I was in a similar condition myself. Deep down, I knew I was pushing myself, far, and beyond, my capacity. I was sooo ill! Exhausted!!! As a nurse I kept giving and giving, yet, I had nothing left to give, for myself!!!

I did realise, as you do now, so I reduced my work days. That meant I worked a day, took a day off, ... I did that work pattern for another 4 years!!... eventually, I retired, not on ill health retirement... but I just could not carry on...

I retired, my health got worse, worse, till i collapsed! I have been struggling back to some improvement, for 2.5 years now, on going... though now, I have a 2nd autoimmune disease diagnosed, to contend with as well.

As I then had much time to reflect, due to utter fatigue, other symptoms, I saw things more clearly. When I reduced my hours, I was so exhausted days in work, then again days off... if I wasn't washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, I lay on the setter and/or slept!

Just like you, every day, I worked, pushed myself to the brink!! Why???? I loved caring for people, the salary got spent! My beautiful niece, aged 35, mother of 2, died suddenly and unexpectedly, I was so shocked. I took time off work. I was told I must attend a sickness absence meeting, I got very stressed... Even then, I turned up to the workplace... tried so hard, to keep going...

6 months after the death of my beautiful niece, I finally left the workplace.

I spent the 1st year of retirement, very poorly, and constantly, trying to forgive myself, for putting myself through so much stress.... mind, body, soul....

I cannot tell you, or anyone else, what to do, or what not to do, but, in all sincerity, I can only look back with regret. I should have left the workplace and applied for benefits. I was too ill to be in work. I did not value myself enough to listen to my body's messages....

I listen now!!!

I wish you well. Xxx

[Loopydroopy in reply to webar4780]

Thank you so much for sharing, I'm crying as I read your story as it sounds just like me. I'm going to talk to my husband and see what I can figure out. I like the work one day take one off, maybe that would help as long as I can make myself rest. Lots of love to you and tks for listening.