So as I have predicted my brother his wife and children have dropped out of my wedding

If you read my post then you will know what I'm talking about and have all this has occurred I politely had a post via social media saying that I would like to go see a movie with my bridesmaids and maid of honor my sister-in-law said that she did not want to do anything with me that she did not like me and that she does not want to plan anything with me I was not surprised by this because of the person that she is not have known her for 12 years and I have seen her attack my mother whom is the sweetest person that I have ever met. So anyways as The Story Goes she ripped both of her children my ring bearer and one of my flower girls out of the wedding she was supposed to be a bridesmaid she said that she didn't want to be she said that she has another friend she's planning a wedding with and she really doesn't give a crap about me my wedding or anything to do with it now this girl I do not know what her problem is for me when I look at my life I see a person with lupus a person who is suffering and not a person that you would be jealous or envious of but for some reason this girl has always had it out for me she has always hated me and I never understood why but I know that she's like this with everybody and has no friends so my wedding now is it September 10th it's coming up soon I have a huge family there's going to be over a hundred guests at this wedding she made this huge post about me to my entire family they knew that she was pretty much crazy she made herself look bad I didn't even have to say anything I just kept saying I don't want to argue with you I have so much going on I don't feel well I can't do this right now I have too many appointments she should have respectfully declined being a bridesmaid but she went even further and was actually trying to ruin my wedding all of my cousins aunts and uncles have read her post about me and she brings up past things that have happened to me like 6 years ago I was supposed to get married the guy that I was supposed to marry said that he did not want children I could not accept that because I wanted to be a mother so we separated three weeks before we were supposed to be married I made that decision now I have a daughter with a man who wanted a baby and wanted the same life as me and we are getting married in four weeks and I love him very much and he loves me the same and I don't know what this girl's problem is is she mad that I'm happy is she I don't know my mother seems to think that the reason that she is this way is because she's still unhappy with her own life Friesen that we know that she's unhappy with her life is that my brother is just so easy-going hard-working man he doesn't go clubbing he doesn't drink he doesn't do anything like that I guess she's as expected life to be different and she's a heavy set girl with my mother was always heavy set and I think that my mother's beautiful how I think this girl is beautiful even though she's horrible to me but my mom said that it probably is because I am nice polite classy beautiful and that she feels ugly because she is overweight I have never made this girl feel and be as I have never said anything negative to her about her weight anything I have always been as nice as I could be I invited her to everything to do with the wedding which has been planned for over a year now and she just turned into this monster and she ripped her children out of my wedding and then she said that she would refund me the money that I have spent on my niece's 14-karat gold earrings that I bought I said that I had purchased them for my niece my niece is the same age as my daughter 15 months old I said that was a gift from her on whether you want to keep her in the wedding or not is up to you but I do not want a return of a gift that I bought for my niece so anyway she even went as far as using lupus and trying to talk about me because I have lupus I guess when you look at my life that's the only really big for all that there is what to talk about me because I have Lupus because I'm on disability so she made this huge post about how I have to live with my in-laws which is true they own a big Ranch my fiance and I live on one side of the ranch they live on the other we help out we pay as much as we can yes my funds are limited limited but I help out as much as I can with my family we help each other and that's what family does so she made this huge post about how I'm poor and sick all the time and how I complain about being sick and don't know what else to say how could you get that low how could you talk about me because I have Lupus because you have nothing better to say it saddens me because I feel bad for my brother and I knew that this would happen and I also feel bad for my mother and my father who are spending tens of thousands of dollars on this wedding that they wanted and they want everyone to get along and I just don't understand why it is so hard just to be peaceful I do not understand it and I never will I was crying I was very upset and my mother-in-law told me you know God takes people out of your life for a reason and puts people in your life for a reason and you are a part of our family and we love you and we know you we know that you're beautiful inside and out and that's all that you need to know is that the people that you love that love you are going to be there on your big day and my mother stuck up for me that was honestly the best offer she finally saw what I was talking about the next day she read all these negative posts against me there's nothing that anybody can really say about me that's negative other than me having lupus and that's just a low blow there's nothing I can do about that I'm not perfect I'm flawed so what!

25 Replies

  • Enjoy Your wedding and forget about her. its your day and your wellbeing, Your sister in law has to change her attitude to other's , you have tried and people who know you know that you are the better person for it. The problem is with her not you.

    Enjoy your big day!!:)

  • Good advice!

  • I think it is a good and courageous post - good in the sense that you have written about something that is very painful for you.

    It may sound illogical, but some people are jealous of you because you have lupus. They are jealous because they see "you" as the centre of attention (not because you want to be, but because you are "ill"). It sounds "crazy" but unfortunately, that may (I do not know for certain) be the case with your sister-in-law and it sounds as if she wants to "spoil" your wedding with your future husband.

    I know this is very hurtful in all sorts of ways, but as you suggest, she makes herself look bad and it is right you do not return her behaviour - just as your wise mother and mother-in-law have said to you. Listen to them and not your jealous sister-in-law.

    How wonderful to be able to live in a separate part of your parent's ranch. I don't know whether there are horses, but I do know they can be very therapeutic!

    If you can - and I know this is hard - don't let her spoil your special day. Your have a beautiful child and soon you will be married.

    Please let us know about your wedding.

    Be well!

    With good wishes and many congratulations on your special day!


  • Thank you, I never even thought of that. She hates being overweight which I understand it's hard.I have went from 170 and I'm now down to 140 because I am sick my weight fluctuate dramatically. She said" I wish I had lupus to loss this weight! I didn't take her serious and didn't even remember that until you brought it to my attention. My God who would want this. I was just about to make a post about my transformation. It wasn't just the illness I have worked towards this goal for my wedding. It's been hard to lose weight.I couldn't exercise so I cut out all sweets drinks with sugar no desert lol.Its been a long time it took to get down to 140,my normal weight is 120 but I'm happy to be 140.So that will be my next post about the things that are going my way. I can't be stressing about others problems even if they are attacking me.I have to go to my lupus doctor appointment august 18th.And I am worried that he will bring up chemo again and that my numbers might be worse.He said 4 months ago "we will discuss it at your next appointment. And that thought is heavy on my heart. What I can't ignore is my brother who I was close to believes his wife even tho I have at Least 50 people who saw this including our family and mother. I don't blame him because at 1st he said" I will be a groomsmen regardless then his wife I'm assuming fought with him over it.

  • The most important thing is to focuson YOU and your wonderful wedding!

    Have a good and restful week-end!

    With good wishes,


  • Thank you.My Mom said take your valium and just relax and I did lol. It helps because I get so frustrated I guess because I am in pain 24 7 so I'm already dealing with this large amount of stress always on my shoulders that doesn't go away so if anyone tries to argue with me or especially what this girls doing you know it's very very stressful and I get very angry and then I just cry so I'm glad that I at least have a medication that can just call me down obviously if this girl is like that why do I want her there on my special day anyways

  • Getting married is VERY stressful and a VERY emotional experience for everyone! If you find taking the valium helps, then do so because this is what doctor believes will help.

    Worrying about your next appointment is also understandable and the word "chemo" can feel frightening. The point to remember is that the most important aspect is to make sure that YOU get better. If your body has inflammation, your doctors want to make sure it is under control and sometimes it is necessary to use drugs that are used in cancer treatments but AT MUCH LOWER DOSES!

    If it is any help, I have been taking "chemo" drugs for years! Obviously, it is better not to have to take these toxic drugs, but it is better to take them and HAVE A BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE!

    Well done on your weight loss! It may be the case, as I hypothesised above, that she is envious but don't allow her to terrorise you! She is the one who has the problem and those people who have read her nasty posts may well think she is the problem, not you. People who love you will not abandon you. Those who do are not your friends and they are not worth the pain you put yourself through.

    It sounds to me as if you have had to deal with a lot and sometimes talking to a therapist can be very helpful to help you put things in perspective and why you can be "down" on yourself. I can understand your getting angry because that can be a defence from feeling very upset, even depressed. Talk to your mom, your partner because they are the people who count in your life and your child needs her mom to be happy!

    Please use this space and if you want to let me know about your appointment with your doctor, do so. I would recommend you write out a list of questions and concerns before you see the doctor and then you can let the doctor know what concerns you. Always take someone with you, don't go alone because it is impossible to remember everything - I know this is true of me too!

    With good wishes,


  • I have decided to removed her completely from my life. She had my niece's and nephew. we can't see them anymore. I feel is my fault my Mom feels is newts is really just this person. But this person is just plain evil .who would do this to someone who is suffering so much already. The stress I'm losing my niece's and nephew is a lot. Which I'll have to put on the back burner for now. And concentrate on the current events 8nstead of. Drama I can't control.

  • No matter how much we explain to non lupus , people will not get it,. " But you don't look sick" & all that crap

    Or think we are faking the swollen joints and hospital visits

    I hate meanies

    But I love you my sister in butterfly power. Be a tests!ent to what can e done despite the adversity.... and go rest!

  • The hardest thing when your in a flare up is not to fire back and just delete the stupidity out your life. Thank love

  • I'd give that heifernthe valium and park her in the back if you are stuck

    I'm sorry, nut I'm in a big old flare and I will throat punch anyone who adds to this miserable crud. Every flare ears at something in me and that takes a bit of m life w m family

    The argument is always started by the second sentence . I'm not taking the bait ay! more ...i show them the door

    That's what I meAnt


  • Yes I warned my parents after this shot if she shows face where she is not welcome I will attack her in my dress because I'm already on edge with everything and I will lose my shit

  • I think you have to do what is best for you and not worry about other people and their problems!

    I can understand how upsetting and stressful, but you must look after yourself, for your sake, your child's sake and for the sake of your husband-to-be!

    With good wishes,


  • I never got to know my niece she never brought her around much. But my nephew I helped raise he's 7 and he's epileptic and he has a bunch of medical problems and it's crappy that we can't see him you would think that my brother would be bigger than that and bring his son over to see his family

  • I agree with you - depriving your nephew of seeing you is inexcusable. They are depriving him of being with you. Using children in this way is wrong, morally and ethically.

    As I suggested, it sounds as if there is some envy involved, but at this point, it is better you try and let this go -and just concentrate on you. Getting married is stressful enough. You and your husband-to-be deserve a special wedding!

    With good wishes,


  • I so totally understand. When I got sick with Lupus, and I also have Factor 5 Lieden thrombophelia which caused me to have a stroke, I had to take an early medical retire mentioned and go on disability. I also have a special needs child which is stressful and at times scary as she has life threatening seizures along with cerebral palsy and mild retaration. I had worked hard my whole life. I started working at 14 with a work permit. From the time I graduated High School I worked full-time and took college courses. I ended up being a paralegal/Legal Secretary. I was very successful in private practice then took a job with the State of California, where I worked for over 20 years. When I got sick and had to retire early and go on disability my whole family disowned me. My parents were the worst and did their best to turn all seven of my siblings against me. As you know Lupus causes incredible fatigue and is quite painful. They criticised my use of medications for the pain. I also suffered from Lupus Psychosis which made my behavior erratic so I was also taking medications for mental health issues. My parents insisted that I was just lazy and didn't want to work anymore. They asked me to prove I was sick so I got all of medical records, which isn't easy to do these days with all the HIPPA laws. So I finally gather all the records and lab results which took about 6 months. And my father sent them back with a note that he had no interest in seeing them. However, I could tell they had been opened an gone through. So he just doesn't want to admit he's wrong. They have already had their will redone and written me out of it.which I could care less about but it hurts very much to lose your family. I got sick and I lost my family. They have been incredibly cruel and heartless. Just because I have Lupus. Praise the Lord that my faith is strong and I have been mostly able to forgive and let it go. I have Jesus in my heart and He will get me through this and make me stronger. I'm so sorry you've have to deal with such a heartless sister-in-law. All we can do is pray for people like that, that they will be blessed with empathy and compassion. GOD BLESS YOU♡♡♡♡♡

  • Wow they sound like since cruel asshole. It always seems that people who were trying so hard are the ones who got this disease. Like only with those with things to loss.i lost my dream job apartment security 2 cars and my savings. Tho my family wad there for me years before we knew what was wrong. I don't think powwow line to admit to being wrong and don't want to come to terms with how shitty reject were to someone who has a serious disease.I would think they are embarrassed. Add far as my sister inlaw is concerned I believe she was waiting to make a mockery of my wedding. My mother even now believes she had this planned. I just replaced her family members and moved on without them. Her hate for me is something I don't understand bit she always had been this way and always had trues to win anything good fir anyone 8nstead my family. Nobody likes her. We can't choose who my neither choose tho so we are stuck knowing get and seeing her face.

  • We can't change our families, but we can decide as to how they impact on us. We can take the decision not to allow other people, even family, to destroy our happiness and the love we feel.

    With good wishes,


  • I have found that it is much easier to cut the toxic people out of my life completely. If they don't bring me some kind of comfort or joy for knowing them, they don't belong in my life. My life is hard enought with my health issues and special needs child. I can't afford to waste the blessings the Lord has given me by being angry and worrying about what people who don't love or respect me think about me. I feel so much freedom by just accepting that my family and especially my parents are not going to change. They are a different generation, there was no label for mental health issues and Lupus in their day. They just sucked it up and drank their wine and did what they had to. I wish sometimes I could be as strong as them. My father is 78 years old, still working because he loves it and has never called in sick one day in his life. At any rate I'm much happier NOT having my family in my life. It still stings a little but I get my strength from God who will never forsake me and loves me more than I can even comprehend. So my advice, obviously, is that if you get nothing positive from a relationship, it's best to not have that relationship. Ok, I'm done here, sorry for being so long-winded. ♡♡♡

  • Your story is very, very painful. When family members behave in this way, it causes immense suffering. The stress on you - and its impact on your special needs child - must be at times immeasurable. It is commendable that your attitude is to forgive and not let the understandable anger damage you and your relationships.

    It seems to me that you have worked hard all your life, only to be struck down by 2 chronic conditions.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I do hope you are getting some support.

    With good wishes,


  • Thank you Ros, it's been 7 years since I lost my family. I carried so much anger and resentment it was eating me up. My one brother who still speaKS to me gave me a good talking to about letting it go and and I'm much happier and less stressed now I have been able to forgive and let go. I lost so much because of this disease but I've also been blessd in ways too. My ex husband and I are now best friends. He moved in to become my caregiver and also to coparent our beautiful daughrter. She is much happier having both parents again without the fighting. We are just friends, have separate rooms and recognize we were never meant to be married. But we make a good team as friends and parents. I am so happy I found you guys! Can you give me the link to the Lupus Message Board please? Thank you for your warm welcome. I feel like I've found my new family ♡♡♡

  • Did you send dad a thank you note for his genes 😂

    What a jerk. He probably doesn't know how to deal with it. My mom was the you are making it kind...I'm looking for attention lah blah. But now she cares in her way

    I'll pray your family comes around but hopefully we can be fill ind

  • Thank you for your reply. It sounds you are surrounded by love and that is what is important: the capacity to love and be loved.

    I sent you a private message with the information, but I will repost here. If you have any problems, then email me: roz [at] [lupus-support] [dot] [org] [dot] [uk] and I will register and validate your membership myself.

    We have another website called the LuPUS Message Board where you can also post questions and talk to other people. Registration is FREE and we offer free information and free online psychological support. We specialise in psychological support with our own counsellor/psychotherapist available.

    By becoming a Member, you will have access to the private forums and because they are private, only Members have access and even bots and search engines are forbidden.

    When you register, please use the following format for entering your date of birth: nn-nn-nnnn where n=number. Please use the "-" separator and not "/".

    Finally, please go to: and Sign Up.

    I look forward to talking with you more!

    Sometimes we need to talk to people who understand and who are not family or friends.

    With good wishes!


    Disclaimer: No attempt is made to diagnose or to make any medical judgement. You are advised to seek the advice from your own physician. LUpus Patients Understanding & Support (LUPUS) is not a substitute for your own doctor.

  • Wow

    That was a lot of drama llama reading it and I got lost midway. Sorry

    It's your life

    Your wedding

    Life's too short to pile on more stress on an already stressful day seems to me. W ho wants a flare for their honey moon?

    Tell her politely you got it covered and in fact uninvite her


    Enjoy your day.

  • Oh I uninvited her by telling my brother if his bitch comes to my wedding I'll whoop her ass she's a sneaky freaking weirdo I think they'd something wrong with his bitch he needs to check her before I do like I'm in a full blown flare up and she better not give me a reason.She psychotic at this point if she came it would be to do something terrible this girl list her marbles it's too crazy to even day how she's gong on

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