A new carer, lover, companion and a f... - The Roy Castle Lu...

The Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation

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A new carer, lover, companion and a friend

DBdibble profile image

Sorry, the title sounds a bit trite, this post contains the bones of one that I replied to to mrseddie, but I'm not sure if it got through , so starting from scratch.

As the title suggests I don't have cancer, my wife (Cosmic54) Corrine is the one suffering. I have run my own business for the last 25years, responsible for most of the money and none of the responsibility of the home or our daughter. So this is a new scenario for both of us.

I have got to grips with most of the machinery, albeit the toaster was developed as a prop for the Omen films and burns everything. I know what drugs we need and when.

But, I can't get used to the woman who 5 months ago could beat me up the hills on her bike and spent 3 days a week in the gym and pool at Crewe Hall.

Our lives have changed out of all recognition, she has lost three stone and me two, for no reasons I can understand, I have alopecia for the first time in my life.

Not quite sure what I am trying to say here, but I know I have to to find some stamina to keep us both moving forward, if any carers/lovers etc have any great ideas or want to chew the far, then please get in touch.

PS; I could have typed this in half the time if it hadn't been for predictive text......

Thanks for reading; David

8 Replies

Hi David, I certainly know where your coming from. My wife sadly lost her battle in December 2019 and during the time I was her Carer, I lost a couple of stone, my washing was all done together, and all I was eating was bacon and egg. Its a roller coaster of a ride I can agree on that. I went to hell and back with everything, sat there many nights with music on my headphones while Tina was knocked out with medication and the effects of intense Radiotherapy, crying my eyes out because I knew that she was being taken from me by this horrid disease. When she was finally taken back by the Good Lord, I just couldn't believe that after 25years of Marriage, I had to try and cope with everything, shopping, bills,even cards for birthdays. I tried to join her by ending my life,and then realised that it wasn't the right thing to do. After being in psychiatric care I have met another Fine and Loving Lady, and understand that life DOES continue for us Carers.

Always be kind to yourself David and just understand that our life is not in our own hands, it's in God's.

Keep Safe and God Bless

John-Paul.

Thank you John Paul for answering, as you say this is a roller coaster that keeps on going and so we have to stay with it. I try and deal with things as I would my business and problem solve, this works on practical issues but leaves me all at sea on emotional ones such as Corrine's anxiety attacks, but learning a little more every day.....

Hi DavidHello and thank you for your post, welcome to the forum. I'm also the partner. My husband was diagnosed in March with advanced NSCLC. Here we are 8 months later and I would never have imagined then that he could be so well now. He had chemo & immunotherapy for 3 months, and now continues with three-weekly immuno fusions. He eats well, sleeps well and is very active, if you met him, you would have absolutely no idea he has been through what he has. I hope your wife will see the benefits of her treatment in the coming weeks (chemo tends to act quite quickly, and that's what we saw with my husband, but immunos can take a little longer to feel the benefits).

You ask for any great ideas to help cope. No magic wand I'm afraid but a couple of thoughts from my own experience. A friend who'd been through something similar told me to take one day at a time and that was actually really helpful. Reminding myself not to sweat the small stuff also meant I didn't stress about something that really didn't matter.

I did a course called "Thrive" to learn coping strategies. It taught me some simple techniques to recognise and change unhelpful thought processes and to see and reinforce positives every day. This was brilliant and is something I use every day.

Hope this is helpful.

Best wishes to you both, Sarah x

DBdibble profile image
DBdibble in reply to sassassas

Thank you so much Sarah for responding, your husband seems to be in that place that we are hoping to reach, we have been told that immunotherapy can take longer to show results as you noted. I will hunt down the Thrive course as it sounds to be just what I need. I hope your journey carries on its upward trend. Thanks again, David

Hi David

Welcome to the forum where as you can see there is plenty of support and encouragement. So sorry to hear about your wife having lung cancer and how very difficult this must be for you all.

It can be quite confronting the change, not just in your wife but the unexpected change of your role ,along with the emotional rollercoaster. It is not uncommon to be fine one minute then full of intense unexpected emotion the next. It does come down to managing this by one day only, to make that day count and what can you do to help your wife and yourself for today only, anything else you can feel quite overwhelmed.

There is plenty support around; the Maggie's centres can provide practical, emotional and social support and this is the link to their website: maggies.org/

We have online support groups through zoom and if interested you can register through this link: roycastle.org/help-and-supp...

Macmillan support online have a helpful section on the emotional care for the carers: macmillan.org.uk/cancer-inf...

They also have a forum for carers only: community.macmillan.org.uk/...

There are many encouraging accounts from those with lung cancer that you can find on this link: roycastle.org/campaigns/lik...

Do make sure you have plenty support for yourself, through family or friends. Your wife should have a lung cancer nurse specialist who can provide advice and information.

If you or your wife are really struggling emotional, do have a chat to your GP.

If there is anything else you would like to discuss you can either email us at lungcancerhelp@roycastle.org or call the free phone nurse led helpline number on 0800 358 7200

Take good care of yourself

The Roy Castle Support Team

I notice that you are new to the area that you live in too, which must make things even more difficult. Have you and your wife thought about joining a local lung cancer support group or local carers group. You could google to find out where these are. Roy Castle also have a list on their website.

I have lung cancer and so am not a carer but I have been a carer in the past. I think chatting to and meeting people in a similar situation has been so worthwhile for me as you realise that you aren’t alone and others are in a similar situation and have similar thoughts and feelings.

You have nothing to lose by trying it and hopefully you will find it useful. Thinking of you

DBdibble profile image
DBdibble in reply to Bow-19

Hi Bow-19, thank you for your reply, I completely agree about meeting others locally in a similar situation, Roy Castle have given me details of a local support group who meet on the last week of every month, so I will be attending. All the best with your treatment, David.

Hope you find the meeting useful. The online meetings can also be very good. Thank you

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