D Day

[LaurelandCallum]

So today is my mums birthday. She is 73 years old.

Today is also the day that I have an emergency meeting with her Oncology Team.

It’s the first time I will be fed any information since she had her diagnosis of lung cancer a couple of weeks ago.

I am not expecting good news as I know from the tests they have performed that it has metastasised further than we hoped and prayed for.

She has deteriorated a lot in the last few days.

I just want to run to the hills and not hear this,

I am not ready for this, not ready to lose my mum.

It has been just me and her for such a long time.

I feel like a vulnerable 5 years old and I want her to hold me and tell me it will be alright but she cannot because she is in too much pain and too tired and it isn’t

This is just how I feel, how must she be feeling? I cannot even imagine.

She is lucid enough to know what is going on but just not strong enough to kick this thing in the arse.

I am grateful for the time we had, grateful for the time we have left but the pain we both have is unbearable.

Sonia

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Dear Laurel and Callum,

I am so sorry to hear about your mum and that she is very poorly at the moment.

Her deterioration will be assessed by the oncologist at the clinic and he/she will discuss with you both how her care will be managed and what care options there are.

There is a lot of help available to help you and your mum both practically and emotionally.Your GP may refer you to those professionals(if they are not already involved) who can assess you and your mums needs. For example, the Macmillan nurse or district nurse who will try and make your mum as comfortable as possible.

You are obviously both very close,the greatest gift you can give your mum is your time and attention. Just being by her side and comforting her the best way you know will be enormously supportive.

Please don’t hesitate to call the nurse led helpline if you would like discuss any concerns you may have.Freephone 0800 358 7200

With kind regards,

All the team at the Roy Castle Helpline

[miasam]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum .it's hard when it's your parent and to see them ill. But as much as you want to run away (I did Too) you need to know what the doctors are going to tell you it is hard but once you know you will be able to cope with it a bit better .and will be able to support her .is she at home or in hospital .if at home try to do some nice things maybe afternoon tea in the garden get her a wheel chair take her to the park .if she's in hospital take her some little treats see if they will let you take her to the tea room so she can see what's going on .talk to her about the family grandkids .What they have been up too .try to make some happy memories. I do know what your going threw but for me it was my husband who I was married too for 38 years and together 43 good luck and big hugs take care xxx carol

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Thankyou Carol,

The news was not good.

Her left lung is no longer functional. It has also metastasised to her left breast.

It is inoperable. Targeted treatment is also not an option for her.

She has 2 options

1. Go home with a care package, a nursing home or a hospice.

2. Have 50% chemo, it will not cure, it may give her time or it may make her quality of life even worse.

Not much of a choice!!!!

Sx

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

I'm so sorry you need to do what you feel comfortable with in my husband's case he had lung cancer twice they took part off lung then it came back a year later when they took rest away he was in hospital 3 half months he came home inthe 17th off november 2016 he started to put on a bit off weight and looked a bit better then in the end off April he started to fall over a lot and shuffeled when he walked then headaches sickness started check up in the July as I phoned the Macmillan nurse and she said he needed to come in they found he had 4 brain mets told us it was terminal but said to have radiation it might give him a little more time it didn't in fact it took it out off him .we got the option off home with care package or hospice Dave wanted to stay home he said no more treatment no more pulling a round he just wanted to be in his home .we had a great palliative nurse and the last few weeks i had help to wash him and there nurses what came no was lovely Dave died at home we're he wanted on the 2nd November 2017 so all I can say is ask your mum what she wants .and what you fill comfortable with my husband was 73 listen to what your mum wants think quality off life is the most important take care I'm here if you need to talk xxx carol

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

I am so sorry got your loss Carol.

Thank you so very much for you words.

Mum has to decide by Monday so we have a lot of talking to do, even though she falls asleep through every conversation (morphine).

Thanks again

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

Good luck let me know how you get on im here any time xx

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

Been thinking about you how is your mum doing .are you ok xx Carol

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Hi Carol,

I hope you are okay?

I am with her now.

They have said she cannot have chemo. They did offer radiotherapy and immunotherapy.

Unfortunately she cannot lay flat enough for radiotherapy but she has given consent for the immunotherapy.

She should start the treatment tomorrow with the option to withdraw consent if it does not suit her. They are hoping to get her out of hospital next week after she has had a mobility assessment. This will determine where she goes from here.

They are also looking at her medication today as the oramorph is just not cutting the mustard.

It is also making her so sleepy that sleeping is all she wants to do all the time.

Sonia

X

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

It's not going to be easy .but make shore you ask for all the help you can when she comes home .take care big hugs let me know how things go and if ever you what some one to talk to I'm here xxx

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Thankyou

Xxx

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

Xxx

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Hi Carol,

How are you doing?

Thinking of you.

Sonia

X x x

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

Thanks getting there how's you how's your mum xx

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Hi Carol,

Mum had her 1st round of immunotherapy yesterday. I am going to visit her at 2 this afternoon.

Hopefully it won’t be too harsh on her body.

Sonia

X

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

I hope not and if it does you can stop when ever you want its quality of life not quantity.that you want and need take care let me know how things go xx

[miasam in reply to miasam]

Been thinking about you how is your mum doing xx

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Hi,

I hope you are doing okay?

My mum has responded really well to the Immunotherapy, she has seen a huge improvement in her pain relief and her ability to just sit up and hold a lucid conversation with people.

We are now in the process of getting her home with a good Care Package.

Her Macmillan Care Coordinator is being a fantastic source of help.

She is anxious of going home but at the same time wants desperately to be there.

Sonia

X

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

That's good news .she will find it more comfortable at home .make shore you get everything you need in your care package let me know how things go take care xxx

[miasam in reply to miasam]

How is things going for you has your mum settled down at home are you ok and you have all the help you need. Take care Carol xxx

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Hi Carol,

My poor mum sadly passed away on the 4 September.

This is the saddest I have ever felt, waves of emotions sweep over me, I am numb and totally grief stricken.

I am grateful her suffering was short but it does little to comfort me at this time.

I spent so much time with her at the hospital and slept in a chair next to her for the last 3 nights of her life. I am just empty.

Love

Sonia

X

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

I'm sorry to here your news .it is very hard and it's still very earlie days for you .I know how hard it is to be with them to the end .one part wants them to stay with you for ever and the other doesn't want her to suffer any more .you take care if you want to message me any time I'm here big hugs love Carol xxx

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Thankyou Carol

Sx

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

Any time .xxx

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Hi Carol,

I hope you are well.

I am doing okay.

On Monday we said our final farewells to Mum. It was an incredibly difficult day. Emotionally exhausting as I am sure you know.

I hope you are doing okay?

Sonia

Xxx

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

Hope everythink went ok on the day .you will feel sort of num for abit and you might find you feel more tearful then you did to the run up to the funeral as your doing so much arranging everything and peaple are in and out but now it's over you you start to do your greaving. It's not easy but talk about how your feeling to family and friends. Don't hold it all in .if you feel you need counceling have it it does help big hugs xx xx Carol xx

[LaurelandCallum in reply to miasam]

Thanks Carol

X x x

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

I'm all ways here if you need me .thinking off you xxx

[Saddolly in reply to LaurelandCallum]

I’m so sorry to hear this!!

My thoughts are with you x. X

[LaurelandCallum in reply to Saddolly]

Thankyou x

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle in reply to LaurelandCallum]

Dear Sonia,

So sorry to hear of the loss of your dear mum

Kind regards

Roy Castle Helpline

[LaurelandCallum in reply to RoyCastleHelpline]

Thankyou,

I feel lost and empty.

I am grateful Mum did not suffer in pain for too long.

I am so very sad.

Sx

[miasam in reply to LaurelandCallum]

Just thought i would message How things now are you ok xxx carol