Need someone to talk to

Hi there, my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer two months ago which has spread to her spine. She is currently undergoing chemo and is doing well. The oncologist/lung nurses etc all comment on how well she is. I am really struggling to remain upbeat. Mum is incredibly positive and will not let this horrid disease defeat her. I on the other hand feel like I am losing it. I can't cope. She's has been told that once chemo has finished she will hopefully be put on a clinical trial. How do you cope with this roller coaster??

8 Replies

  • So sorry about your mum, I care for my Dad he has Lung cancer non curable, to be honest you take it one step at a time and you make the most of every moment you have.

    Take care of yourself.

    lots of love


  • hello, I'm sorry to hear about your mum. have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? the Maggie's centers at some hospitals are a great source of information and support, not only for your mum but to friends and family members too. They can help you talk through your thoughts and fears if you have no one to talk to or are unable to discuss how you are feeling with members of your family.

    I know how frightening this can be and I found this forum an amazing source of information and support.

    It does sound like you mum is doing well for now and that is a positive thing. like all of us I think its a day at time scenario. its good news that she may be on a clinical trial too.. I know how hard it is to remain positive as this can have a huge impact on your family life, I found that by being open and honest with how you are feeling is a good thing, you cannot remain strong for your mum if you have no support yourself, and sometimes once you air your fears things can be put into prospective and give leeway to move forward slowly and gently.

    I'm sorry I have no great words of wisdom or comfort but know that the people on this forum are always here if you need to vent or need advice.


  • Hi

    Like Frances said you take one day at a time but you will have plenty of friends on here as we all know what it's like. It can be harder for the carer to cope than with their loved ones that actually have the disease.

    Stay positive as everyone will tell you and there are lots of new treatments and trials around.

    We are all your friends on here and will support you and give you help.

    Best wishes


  • Thank you all so much for your kind words. I do take one day at a time as beyond that is too hard. We are a big family and have tonnes of support. I just want my old mum back. The one who I used to dance around the kitchen with and go out for meals etc. She's is my absolute world and my best friend. There are many positives and reading some of the stories on here reinforce those. I just wish this wasn't a battle that us or any of our loved ones had to fight.xx

  • Hi I now exactly how you feel, if you can focus on one day at a time for now, then as yu mum hopefully keeps doing ok on her chemo, then yr focus does emprove from day to day into wk by wk. But it's a journey, of, like yr mum state of mind that is possative thinking, and that's what will help the chemo to work, for yr mum, as its not good living with it inside yr head all day long, keep bizzy!!!. Hope I've not been too exact with my reply, as I also have stage 4 and was told 3yrs and 8 months ago, I have only got 3/6 to live,and still here to tell the emazing story, of how positive state of mind can help.

    All the best jean x

  • You have been given good advice from our online community which is tremendous. It is not easy to ‘stay positive’ given your mum’s diagnosis. Everyone deals with stressful incidents such as a diagnosis of cancer in different ways. Knowing what to say and do is unfamiliar to many carers. Everybody is unique, and there is no one formula for success. All you can do is your best and for those with a cancer diagnosis having time for them is what patients value the most. Your mum is very lucky to have such a supportive family who can help each other.

    Being positive is not about feeling happy all the time, rather it is acknowledging your concerns for example being worried, tired, angry or depressed and talking about your fears with someone else. This may be a close friend or another member of the family. Some people prefer to discuss their concerns with a professional. You might want to talk to the Specialist nurse who looks after your mum; this could be over the phone or at the clinic visit. Sometimes they will be able to tell you if there are any local support organisations or counselling services that may be suitable for you. One of the benefits of talking with others is it can help you to find ways to deal with the situation you are faced with and finding ways to cope.

    As you can see from the previous posts many others have been in your situation and their support in our online community is immeasurable.

    You can also contact our Helpline 0800 358 7200 if you want someone to talk to for specific advice.

    Kind regards

  • Just wondered if you have spoken to your GP or MacMillan Nurses for support they are used to providing support for people in your situation and will know what support is available in your local area. Like someone has said earlier, I was diagnosed as stage 4 in November 2013. I was given an average of ten months to live and am still here now. I hope that your mum is in the same situation. My partner and I have both found our GP and the Mac Millan Nurses to be very supportive. We have dipped in and out of getting support as and when we have needed it. Wishing you and your mum all the best xx

  • Thank you for your message. So pleased you are doing well. Macmillan have been wonderful but sadly relationships with the GP have broken down to him ignoring mums pleas for help for many many months before her diagnosis. Coming on here and reading stories such as yours are a big comfort. Just want mums chemo to finish so she can have a break from hospitals and regain some normality. She's incredibly positive and fighter so I have every faith in her. Take care and all the very best to you and your family.xx

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