Yesterday's devastating news

Hi everyone, I'm new here. 2 weeks ago my beautiful mum was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer, with mets to her liver and spleen. Yesterday they told us that they couldn't treat her due to her ill health - she already has lymphoma and was recovering from a heart attack - and said she prob has a few months left. 

My mum is my world and I cannot bear the tough of losing her. How does any human being cope with news like this? What do you do? How do you act? How does it feel if you're the person who's ill? I have so many questions and am surrounded by darkness. 

I am just hoping this is all a horrible dream and I'll wake up soon.

TC xx 

14 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I am sorry to hear that. 

    Did the doctor say your mum has any mutation?  Oral new generation targeted drugs are much gentler than chemotherapy so if she's eligible would be a good option. 

    Don't give up just because she's weak. 

    Mt prayers for guidance from the Lord. 

    Peter 

  • Unfortunately she has no mutations. I had them all written down to ask the oncologist about. But it wasn't necessary. Thank you for your kindness. X

  •  I'm so sorry to read about your lovely mum TC. It's such shocking new. As for how to react and how to 'be' - I can only speak from a carers perspective.

    My lovely husband was diagnosed last year.  We didn't ask How Long - instead preferring to take each day as it came and tackling each new difficulty as it arose. Neil was (on the outside) fighting fit. He was strong and muscular and had no underlying health issues and was offered chemo and radiotherapy. He only took the treatment option because of me and our girls. He wasn't sure he wanted the trauma of the treatment but he did it for us. With hindsight (which is a wonderful thing) and knowing what I know now I wouldn't have encouraged him to have treatment because in his case it made no difference as his cancer was very agressive .   But we didn't know that at the time. As a family we made the best of a bad job. When he was well enough we visited friends. When he wasn't well enough to get out of bed I stayed by his side constantly. We had the support of some lovely district nurses as well as macmillan and our gp.

    When he had a 'good day' I often thought - I wish I could bottle up this day so I could re - live it in the future when I'm alone. I've now been alone for 35 weeks.

    I wish your mum well on her journey. Please feel free to send a private message if you would like to 'sound off' in private

    Netty

  • Thank you Netty. I am so so sorry to hear that you lost your husband to this devastating disease. I can't say anything of any consolation except your words mean that I don't feel alone. They show me that this difficult road is well trodden and that there is a place - however painful - that we can once again live in. God bless and thanks again. Xxx

  • Hi sorry to here your bad news, I now it's extremely hard to even think right now, but enjoy every day with you mum if yu can, and if she's up to it, talk about all the nice times yu both had together on outings or holidays, that may help yr mum mentally, to cope.

    Take care Jean 

    Jean 

  • Hi I am so sorry to hear your devastating news about your Mum ..Cancer is a cruel disease even the word cancer I couldn't say when my husband was diagnosed.It seems to take over your life /thinking first thing in morning last thing at night .My heart goes out to you hope you have got family/friends for support sending hugs Jeaniexxxx

  • Thanks Jeanie xxx

  • Oh no ,my heart goes out to you ,my mum passed away when I was only 28 , she was only Ill a short while and I wasn't aware how Ill she was ,,,,this was back in late 60's ,when doctors We're not  as open as they are these days ,,,,sometimes perhaps it's best we don't know ,,,,I don't know the answer to your question ,,I do remember sitting by her bed peeling grapes for her ,,and she would make me walk up ward in my skirt I had made telling everyone ,,,,doesn't my daughter look beautiful,,,she made it herself ,,, haha,,,,funny the things that we remember,,,we used to talk about her child hood and she would always say ,,,,," you be a good mum " and ,,," stop smoking " ,,,,,I remember  the minute it happened ,,,,,when she passed away and went to heaven ,,,,she spoke and said ,,,,"OH HOW BEAUTIFUL,,,,ITS SO BLUE ,".  ,,,,I was devastated,,I have 3 sisters but me and mum were the closest ,,,,I thought my life would end with hers ,,,,I could breathe in but not exhale,,,,,I have never felt such pain ,,I remember seeing people laughing ,and children playing and I could see people through their windows just watching television ,,,,,as if nothing had happened ,,I wanted to shout switch that off ,,,stop laughing ,,,my mum has just passed away ,,,,,,,

    but look time IS a great healer ,,,,IM Living proof ,,,,,each day I still miss my mum ,,,and I know when we meet again ,,,,,I'll get told off for not cleaning my windows haha,,,,

    ,the way I coped was ,,,,,

    I know that heaven must be a beautiful place ,,,,because my mum  told me ,,,,she said it's beautiful and blue ,,,,so I'm no longer afraid of death ,,,,,,for when my time comes ,,,,I will be safe once again in my mothers arms ,,,,

    I'm sorry I can't tell you how to cope with your dear mothers illness ,I can only tell you about how I felt about her passing ,,,,,I will keep you in my heart and prayers ,God Bless, xx

  • Such beautiful words xx

  • Your words are beautiful. And heartbreaking. My mum is my best friend too - like you, I am already finding it difficult to look at people going about their daily lives. Beautiful and blue - how wonderful. Like the ocean. Rumi said, 'you are not a drop in the ocean, you are the ocean in a single drop' - maybe that's why the universe or heaven takes those we love, because they are so precious they need to be kept safe. Thanks for your support. Sending light and love your way xxxxx

  • although we are strangers ,,,,,,,you will always find someone on here that will listen to your heart ache , ,,,,we are not strangers for long ,,,xx🌹

  • Hi TravelCandy

    I am sorry to hear the news about your mum.  The community at Health Unlocked have been so supportive to you and knowing that you are not alone with your feelings can help.  I will send you a private message with support information .

    Best wishes

  • Thank you

  • Hello, you must feel devastated, but you are doing the right things, sitting and talking with her, old times,maybe what you could when she perks up a little. I myself as a Mom, who recently was told the tumour was back after surgery 16 months ago followed by chemo,have accepted it. I took it very hard to begin with, we all did thinking there was nothing they could do. Then offered this course of chemo, I myself have found it so much easier to handle, talking about the Cancer with my family. What happens when I die, for some this could be too traumatic, I don't know your situation but it certainly works with me. You don't say how old your other is? I hopefully will see my next birthday in May when I reach 73, and when diagnosed second time round didn't think that far ahead. Yes it is a day t a time, but make every day count, your mom will gain strength knowing you are there with her, trying o unstandardised . 

    My late husband who died of cancer of the stomach/oesophagus, didn't want to discuss it. We all found this hard to understand, but it was his wish, he was 67 so I say to my girls, I have had 5 years here longer than dad, that's a bonus. Every morning hen we ALL wake up is a bonus, so, please Cary on the good work, enjoy the time son ith you Mom, good luck to you both, remember, medicine is improving  rapidly now.

    Hilde💝

You may also like...