Good news but can't quite feel it

[Deb1801]

Sorry if that sounds selfish compared to what so many are you going through.

My partner was diagnosed with limited stage 3 small cell lung cancer in July 2014, 8 weeks after having open heart surgery. He had 6 rounds of chemo, radiology for 6 weeks and PCI ( I apologise if that's not correct). He didn't suffer many side effects - more from the radiology than chemo. Well apart from the blackouts - once at the top of the stairs ... That was scary our poor 10 year old son witnessed that 😓.

Anyway, I digress. The treatment worked !! His tumour has been asleep since January. The chemo shrunk it and radiology zapped it.

For the last 9 months all he has done is wait for 'it' to wake up and is still very depressed - I finally persuaded him to see a counsellor about a month ago and he is slowly fighting his way back from the depths of depression.

Yesterday was an amazing day. His oncologist said how amazed he was, it's still asleep and he even used the word remission and said if he gets to 2 years without it waking up then it probably won't ! We should feel over the moon. We were talking earlier and he said he feels like he should feel astounded but we don't. Believe me I do know how lucky he and therefore me and our family are. However, I just don't know. I just cannot believe it. This wasn't what the first said would happen. Again I apologise, I really don't know how or what too feel. I know I should just be positive but it's so hard to adapt again and too totally rid of the certainty. Is this normal, for him and me ?

Feeling very confused xxx

[Tina60]

Dear Deb

I too feel like that sometimes and then feel bad because my results so far have been good. My small tumour was found early and removed by surgery and no further treatment so all good and everyone thinks everything is back to normal, I am not sure if it ever really goes back to "normal" as I guess we are always waiting the results of regular XRays and tests. As I have just finished my 5 years of a small breast cancer and am a bit annoyed I now have to start the same thing with the lung cancer, but I am still here to tell the tale so have to enjoy each day as it comes, that is what I tell myself and most of the time its OK but there are still some scarey days so what you and your husband feel is very normal.

Regards

Tina

[Deb1801 in reply to Tina60]

Thank you Tina. It's good to know that these feelings are 'normal'. They can never take away the uncertainty.

Wishing you all the best.

Xxx

[Tina60 in reply to Deb1801]

Thank you and the same to you both.

[Peterkin102]

even though my wife is now "free" of cancer after first diagnosed 18 months ago, her battle scars remain. she needs to be on anti epileptic meds for her two brain mets that were surgically removed a month ago, having developed a seizure some there weeks ago.

cancer survivors often fear the other shoe will drop. waiting for no recurrence is scary in itself. that is why we could never be at total peace even now. we turn to The Lord for the peace that the world cannot grant us.

Peter

[Deb1801 in reply to Peterkin102]

Thank you for replying peterkin102. Best wishes and prayers to you and your wife xx

[Hidden]

This is true you are never rid of the thoughts of recurrence ,for me I am busy raising funds for this foundation and booking holidays short breaks and jolly outings events with family and friends .I am scared to waste time sitting around doing nothing its like I want to make as many positive memories as I can whilst I am well .I know I look ok that the time of crying is behind me ,but I can feel my wound scar all the time when I get tired I get gastric type pain,I have tinnitus and numb feet ,hot flushes.But I do feel strangely calm.I think I have now accepted that this is the way it is and that's that and the only way is forward.I so understand how flippant that sounds ,this journey of ill health is hard and leaves it scars both physically and emotionally .Your husband had quite a lot of major surgery and then lots of difficult treatment no wonder he is finding it hard to get on and put it behind him. I think how he is feeling is normal .Perhaps time itself will help .Best wishes to the both of you my thoughts are with you .

[Deb1801 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you diane55. Your kind words help. Wishing you all the best xx