My Sammy

[jonnyd01]

I lost my wife on the 10th april after a 11week fight against lung cancer which had spread to the brain....yes thats right 11 weeks.....from diagnosis to losing her..she was 45...she spent her life caring for everyone and then this.....why why why... i just don't understand.

[Hidden]

Jonnyd01, I'm so so sorry to hear your terribly sad news. What a shock it must be for you especially as she was so young and it has all happened so quickly. Please please try and make sure you look after yourself and get as much support and help as you can. If you log onto the Roy Castle site you should find details there where you can access contacts in your area.

Please log back onto this site if you wish to vent your feelings and see if we can help in any way.

Once again my deepest sympathies on such a tragic loss to this awful disease.

Rab

[jonnyd01]

Thank you Rabbie.....its just on Jan 15th we were planning the year ahead...hols ,days out,shows and poss moving ...jan 16th she had what we thought was a minor stroke...within hours the dreaded news....few days later 6 to 12 months diagnosis.....and we get 11 weeks and a frigging poor 11 weeks to......my beautiful beautiful wife who i laid to rest on Tues xx

[Harrypalmer]

Jonnyd01, it is hard to find any comforting words, but I am so sorry to hear you lost your beautiful wife so suddenly to this cruel disease. Please take Rabbie's advice and seek support, it probably won't ease the pain but talking to others might help.

Sincere condolences to you and your family.

Moni x

[stewart58]

jonnyd01,

11 weeks ,I feel for you Jonny,watching someone you love suffer is the most painful experience.Best wishes for the future.

Stewart

[waterfd]

Jonnyd,

I too had the same experience nearly 2 years ago and I still ask why. New year 2012 Chris had loss of sensation in her face and within a couple of weeks she was diagnosed with NSCLC which had metastasised to brain, adrenals and liver. She was my wife and soul-mate for 42 years, very active and still worked. No sign of this disease before the diagnosis. I had eight months before she passed away and the last couple were very hard watching her deteriorate through treatment and the disease. My sympathy goes out to you I still have times where I lose it but I am slowly getting there. I have a good network of friends who have helped me I hope you do too. Seek support it is not unmanly to do this and cry as much as you like, I still do.

Best wishes

Des

[Peterkin102]

so sorry for your loss its just inconceivable what tragedy can strike anyone all of a sudden. what can we say that will help? but please know that we carers and patients are or will be walking the same path we need to get support from people around us, and God in his ineffable ways we know not what please let you find the peace that this world can not give.

Peter

[Hidden]

Dear Jonnyd01,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of Sammy. Its impossible to make sense of why this should happen, and no reasoning can make it any less painful. I hope that you have lots of support around you and I'm glad that you have found this site as it has become a great place for comfort and sharing.

If you wish to speak to someone, we have a free helpline, 03333 323 7200 option 2.

Best wishes,

Beth, on behalf of information and support

[jonnyd01]

Thank you everyone..you are all so kind.....im in a very dark place at the moment,yes i have friends and family and they say all the right things and i cannot fault them.....but no amount of give it time,times a great healer,come round for a drink etc makes any difference..ive lost my beautiful wife, my best friend and soul mate.....how can you go on...i pace the house and just deciding to go upstairs takes an hour..everyone just goes back to work and gets on with their own lives.....while mine...what is there left.

[waterfd in reply to jonnyd01]

I am in the same place even nearly 2 years later but the tears come less often. I say goodnight to Chris every night before I go to sleep, you will never forget you soul mate.

I was invited to the hospice to do relaxation therapy, it helped calm those nerves that give you butterflies and anxiety. I still do those exercises when I feel stressed. Go and talk to someone about your feelings it will help.

[Hidden]

Jonnyd01, I am so sorry to hear about your wife. May her soul rest in peace. Was your wife smoker? What were her sign/ symptoms?

My deepest condolences to you and your family xx

[lisaplatt]

Bless you xxx. I'm 45. And have got some symptoms ??? But scared

My dad died of lung cancer age 47. So. Very scared xxxx

I feel your pain xxx.

[jonnyd01]

Thank you....her only symptoms was she struggled to get her words out one day at work and a slight seizure....hrs later after scans etc the dreaded news....she was a smoker and had chest infections that cleared up and back pain that the gp put down to sciatica...apart from that nothing x....lisaplatt have you been to drs?

[Kittypaws]

So sorry for your loss Jonny - what an awful shock for you. With regards to your comments about the world still going on whilst your has stopped is perfectly normal and you feel like screaming "why are you doing that whilst I grieve for my beloved wife taken so young and suddenly" - but the world still turns and people carry on - its good to hear you have a supportive family - I trust you are getting support from a bereavement counsellor - although my partner Colin's diagnosis gave him 18 more months with me and when the end came I was expecting it I was invited some 3 months later to see a counsellor at the hospice he died at and I thought I was over the tears, but they fell freely during that chat and it helped - 6 years on I have a new partner, but I still shed a tear over Colin now and again when a memory is evoked..............please take care of your self and take any help you can xx

[jonnyd01]

Thank you kitty...im on sleeping tablets and antidepressants...and the hospice is offering counselling which i will take.....we had so many good times together she was my best friend and soul mate in every aspect....but at the moment all i can think of is the past 11 weeks since diagnosis.....christ i miss her and want to tell and ask her so much x

[Hidden]

I'm am so saddened to read about your wife what a shock t music of been to you and all that loved her

[Hidden]

Sooooooooo sad

[pea-green-boat]

I lost my husband to lung cancer in January, 5 days after his 40th birthday. It is f***** s#@$$$ terrible. There is no why. There is no explanation. You have to somehow stumble on alone.

Talk to good people. Get outside in the sunlight. Eat. Celebrate her memory In moments when you can. Cry. You sound like you're doing all the right things. Take care Kx

[jonnyd01]

Thank you all......when she left hospital after diagnosis...all shed had was scans ...she came home my Sammy.....a few weeks on high dose steroids and radio....you wouldn't recognise her....muscle wastage and weakness etc etc every side effect you can have....she had no quality time at all......she use to say if she had known this was how it was going to effect her she would have had no treatment and at least had a good month or so......and of course i wanted her to be with me for every hour possible no matter how ill....but now she's gone.....i can only agree with her....we put our trust in the nhs and though i blame no one....it does make you angry......Hindsight

[Hidden]

Hi Jonny, I know that the grief and pain is still raw but please try not to get too bitter. Treasure your memories.

Rab.

[jonnyd01]

Hi Rabbie.....i know i know....but all the good times are just clouded at the moment by those last 11 weeks......it is still very very raw. john

[jwa67]

It's still very early days you need to give yourself a break, everything you are feeling and going through is normal grief, not depression. Especially Comstantly recalling the last 11 weeks with your dear wife and all heartache and trauma wrapped up in it! You will laden with bitterness anger and total anguish and despair, physical pain may be present to in the heart.There will be no warm memories at present, but they will come and they are so comforting when they do. How long this will take is like asking how long is a piece of string, but when that warm memory does eventual come try to embrace it for all its worth and try to use it as an anchor, to help other ones flood in.

Jo x

[jonnyd01]

Thank you for your kind words......but i feel i can't carry on...no amount of time will help...other people cope with this kind of tragedy...but i can't...people search all their lives for their soul mate and some never find them...i did and now its gone...how can i go through the next 20,30 years like this..... i just want to join her....grief is the worst possible emotion...and i can't cope with it.

[Hidden]

John, I have just seen your last post as I was not able to get on the net last night. You seem to be suffering badly and I am concerned that you are not getting enough support during this awful time. Your beloved wife fought hard during the past months and I'm sure she is willing you to carry on and treasure your thoughts. Stuart Scott wrote

When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner which you live.

I will DM you.

Rab

[Michellesaunders69]

Oh I'm so sorry to read this and the turmoil you are in, I haven't experienced losing a partner to thus wicked disease but lost my grandparent and my uncle who was only 53 ex smoker for 15 years too and now it's darkened our family again. I just wanted to say it must have been hell of a shock for you and all of the family, just take each day as it comes, try not to look forward too much into the future, you sound like you are getting great help. Really feel for you, take care and don't be too hard on yourself. Xx

[jonnyd01]

Thank you Michelle.....i start counciling on mon as i think it can't hurt.......i returned to work last mon......soooo hard with panic and anxiety ......im just an empty shell going through the motions...i feel I'm going to end up in hops or will join my beloved Sammy...i don't know anything anymore......I feel for you ,just be there for them and keep talking with them.....my biggest regret. pm me if you want to talk x