How to manage?

[janeths466]

Hi everyone hope that you are all enjoying the holidays regardless of anything going on in your life! Sometimes one has to forget the negative for a while, and enjoy life as it comes💕

My mom has been doing very well. Now 6 months post op! However, my family situation at home has been hard as a result of everything that happened with her tumor. My 8 year old brother got anxiety, so he calls my mom from the school phone every 2 hours. He constantly checks on her and is afraid of something happening, it is almost obessive. He stays up to wait for her until 12am after her dyalisis. It is hard! Also my dad keeps getting headaches and dizzines.

My 11 year old sister is still loosing weight and man I am so scared. She has lost 20 pounds since this happened. I am afraid of a diseases coming out in her tests. She is afraid to eat because of her fear of vomiting. She is so pale and skinny. Her mood swings and ridiculously drastic. She looks depressed all the time and she tells me she is stressed and hates everything. She gets full with 2 bites and would go a day with no eating if we don't remind her. She gets mad at us easily. Her blood tests were fine, but we continue doing screening for anything.

It is kind of ironic how my mom is okay physically now, but my family has been affected. I am so afraid all the time, but recently gotten so used to worrying that I live with it. I think I am doing good with coping, but damn like really be testing you sometimes😭 My poor mom already has a lot going on and she cries everyday because she feels like her daughter(my sister) is slipping out of her hands.

Any more advice for all of this? I know you all are parents and have to manage illness and your family. Truly admirable🥺💕

[anrean]

Very strongly suggest counseling for your family. Many cancer centers have oncology counselors. If not available, find an excellent therapist - ask your family physician, friends, or even Hospice for a counselor trained in this area, It is not unusual for many of us to seek counseling. Don't let it get so bad that your family ends up in worse crisis than they already are in.

[Feelingblessed2013]

I agree with andrean, I think counseling is an excellent idea. I think you would all benefit.

[ElmerFudd314]

I think dogs are theraputi c. Maybe a nice shelter dog, but no pit bull mixes or terriers. Corgis and golden retrievers and labs are all on my top of the list for nice dogs. Maybe it would give them something else to think about.

[JanetteR57]

Although medics sometimes consider the 'carer' or 'caregiver' i.e. immediate person as well as the patient, the wider fallout to the family is overlooked. I know the fallout when my dad had his bowel cancer the first two times, and when my sister had mental health 'episodes' affected the family more than anyone could have predicted. A tv ad from Scandinavia was shown on Chris Tarrant programme at the time showing a girl breaking an egg into a frying pan stating this was the impact of addiction on the addict. It went onto show the girl trashing the kitchen, smashing the frying pan into the units and utensils etc and the statement was that this was the effect on the person's family. it has stayed with me and always came to mind when my sister died 18 years ago. I still the think the image is pertinent describing the fallout on others of serious illness on a family member - as yours is proving. Macmillan have a telephone line to help family members and in some areas there is counselling available through Macmillan or the NHS but whether people will recognise they need the support and willing to accept it can be another minefield. hope things settle down for you and your mum soon as she needs her strength for recovery without the additional worry. good luck to you all.