Venting (Sister's Health)

[janeths466]

Hello,

So I feel like my life keeps going downhill and my mental health is just horrible. My mom had her lobectomy, she was in ICU, I almost lost her to coughing blood because of this canceroid. It was such a hard month, and then after that the pet scan anxiety and tests were so difficult to bear. Now my mom had her mammogram and they found a lump (great something new) and she already has dyalisis. So we are waiting for biopsy results.

I feel dragged and exhausted and not okay. Now my sister has lost weight in the past 7 months. She went from 123 pounds to 94. She is skinny and pale and will not eat. My mom apart from her sickness, gets so worried and this takes a toll on her. We did every lab test on my sister but she keeps loosing weight even though she tries eating and doesn't know what is wrong. She is only 12. The doctor said he does not know since the tests are clear, but today he referred her to a gastrointestinal doctor...and an oncolgist. Hearing oncologist made me so scared and vulnerable . I am literally so weak and done with everything at this point. Why can't my life be normal, or why do both people I love have to face all of these things. I feel sick to my stomach. I just want a break from illnesses and worrying. I want my sister to be okay, and my mom. I don't wanna hear the word cancer ever again.

[Jenniferroseolson]

Counseling and counseling and counseling are my recommendations for you and your sister and mom. This is a huge amount to carry on your shoulders. A psychologist or support group can help you with tools so that you can put both feet on the floor every day and focus on what is good without denying what is challenging. The stories of some of the patients on this site surely will help you appreciate that we all have a lot of hardship, but we find our own ways to keep moving onward. Each day you have with your loved ones is important. Ask yourself, “what does a good day look like?” And try to make that happen. For me, it’s spending time with my husband and kids and laughing at some point. These are measurable and attainable no matter how sick I am at the moment. The laughter can happen in an oncology waiting room, and the time with loved ones can be a card game, a quiet or noisy drive to watch a basketball game, or an episode of tv depending on how much energy I have that day.

Talk to your sister—rather, just sit with her her and listen if she has anything to say about anything. And then respond with, “I know.” Or “I hear you.”

[Hilda-22]

Jennifer’s suggestions are also mine. After my mom was diagnosed I lost lots of wait and got very depressed and sick. I wish I went for help then.

Nin months later I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and I see a counselor once a week and walk everyday. And I look for the best in my hubby and daughter.

It takes all my energy not to fall into the hole of despair. And when I do I forgive myself and love myself out of despair. And talk with others.

Nobody can escape the suffering that humans face but we can use it to love ourselves and others. You are not alone. May you be healthy.

Hilda

[Miranda_GO2 Partner]

Jennifer and Hilda-you both have given such beautiful suggestions from your heart and your experience. Thank you both for sharing and lifting one another up.

Janths466- sharing within this community, talking to friends, finding the moments of togetherness (and other suggestions made by Jennifer and Hilda) are so important for mental health. Professional counseling can also be a relief. Counseling is a supported and dedicated time to sort out all the thoughts and feelings about everything you and your family are experiencing. If you need any help finding a counselor, please reach out to GO2 Helpline (1-800-298-2436), and we can help you. I can also look for a caregiver support group in your area if you are interested, just send me a private message with your zip code if you would like my help with this.

Cancer Care also offers some short-term counseling by phone, if you are interested, here is the link to read more about it: cancercare.org/counseling.

Thinking of you, your mom, and your sister.

Warmly,

Miranda from GO2 Foundation for Lung Cancer

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

Two of your threads ago I included a link that explains how family members and caregivers can develop post traumatic stress disease (PTSD). The best way to get past that is to get counseling. At best the medical treatment for that will give minor relief. Medical treatment along with counseling is the fastest way to get past this.

At this point your anxiety feeds your mom and your sister’s anxiety and theirs feeds yours. This doesn’t provide an environment that enables anyone to get healthy.

There’s an important link between mental and physical health that has been documented in many studies. You need to recognize that and accept it so you can all move in.

Reality is that we can give advice about your mom’s treatments and tests but we can’t help you or your anxiety or your sister if you’re not going to take the steps necessary to help yourselves. If they won’t do it, do it for yourself.

[Hilda-22 in reply to Denzie]

Hi Denzie.

My daughter needs a support group and counselor. Do you have any contacts nearby? Also I would like a support group of people with LC.

Zip code is 94807. Thank you.

Hilda

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer in reply to Hilda-22]

Hi! There’s a Cancer Support Community in the Greater SF Bay Area. Their main branch is in Walnut Creek. They have programs for patients, families and caregivers. All programs are free.

There are phone buddy programs available if this is not close enough. Let me know. I’ll dig those links out if you need them.

cancersupport.net/

[Hilda-22 in reply to Denzie]

Thank you. I know g2 foundation in South Bay. I might call them for a buddy.

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer in reply to Hilda-22]

I’d forgotten that they are Bay Area. You two should attend a Living Room event if you can arrange it.

[Hilda-22 in reply to Denzie]

I did and loved it but it’s too far.

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer in reply to Hilda-22]

Google maps says Walnut Creek is a 30 min drive. I don’t think google maps understands CA traffic. Contact your hospitals oncology social worker and inquire about groups closer to home.

[Hilda-22 in reply to Denzie]

Yes. The drive is longer. Thanks

[Shocked2018]

Praying God gives you strength to be there for your mom and sister, God won't put no more on you than you can bear. Trust God with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding .

[Glouie1]

I’m so sorry. I would suggest some counselling. I know you’re probably busy with your sister and Mom but take a little time for your own well being. I think your sister may need counselling too. If there are no medical reasons for her not eating, she may need mental health therapy.

I will pray for you all🙏🏻💕