MISSING THE OLD LIFE

[Lady1958]

Missing all my old friends from work they were more like family then my family is.

My family acts like there is nothing wrong with me and treat me as if I'm still mom and where is supper. I'm so tired of being depressed all the time and no family to understand.

My oldest daughter does not speak to me and my grandkids she has told not to call me. My ex-husband is my caregiver and good luck with that. And my youngest is in college and working worrying about her future.

Feeling so alone and do people do it when they have no one?

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

You can contact the Go2 Foundation and arrange for a Phone Buddy. They will match you with another patient close to your age and gender, same type and stage of cancer.

go2foundation.org/resources...

[Lady1958 in reply to Denzie]

I do have a phone buddy it's just some days seeing people like my buddy even doing better than me it's just brings me down and makes me wonder if Keytruda only is the only thing that can be done.

Thank you Denzie for your help. I had treatment this week and get this was everytime it seems like. Just missing my old life but we all are.

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer in reply to Lady1958]

If there is a Cancer Support Community or a Gildas Club near you check out their virtual meeting schedule. They will have everything on line from exercise to meditation, nutrition or support groups.

My lung cancer specific support group meets virtually on the first Tuesday of the month. Would it give you some escape to join us? When we can meet live again we will but that’s a ways off. In the meanwhile you don’t have to live in Michigan to join virtually. It’s a Facebook group and you can join there then receive the Zoom link.

[Lady1958 in reply to Denzie]

I have been searching for all kind of support groups and a therapist. My insurance will charge me to meet with them and money is getting less and less because things wants to keep breaking around this house. I try to keep my head up and keep moving forward because that is all I can do. My Copd is the one thing that is holding me back and being in a wheelchair due to the tumor on my hip is what is so depressing.

I hold my head up and pray for the best and keep going.

Thank you Denzie for everything.

[Jenniferroseolson in reply to Lady1958]

Nothing is more deserving of your money than what might help you feel better. I believe you said you are in a small town, but a lot of teaching hospitals or schools offer free or sliding-scale programs for psychology. Also, I meet my out of pocket max early in the year, so therapy is “free” after that. I would expect you can find someone in-network that would be well worth your co-pay. Your oncologist can get you on an antidepressant or anti anxiety medication if you possibly need to get over the “hump” right now. I have taken anti anxiety medication for much of my adult life...increased the dose after diagnosis...dropped the dose back to my lower maintenance level once my general health improved.

[Jenniferroseolson in reply to Jenniferroseolson]

PS. I hear how difficult this all is for you right now. I am sorry you are going through this. One of my favorite podcasts is by Kate Bowler, who wrote a book called Everything Happens. NOT everything happens for a reason or what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes life is just really really difficult. I am sorry.

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer in reply to Lady1958]

I’m sending you a private message.

[JanetteR57]

Sorry to see that you're feeling so isolated. It's been such a tough time for us all wherever in the world we are - but in some ways, technology has helped us connect in ways we hadn't imagined before.... sometimes family don't really understand especially when wrapped up in their own priorities. Hope you can find some local support to help you. I've always found helping others can help distract me from negative thoughts - so maybe find something you enjoy (crafting? swimming? gardening? reading? baking? cooking? watching films? ) and join an online group where you can chat/exchange ideas/views about something other than your illness which can become all consuming if not careful. I remember being inspired after my diagnosis in Jan 2011 by a young man (aged 17 at the time) who had terminal bowel cancer and said 'I may have cancer but it does not have me'.... which I just found very profound and something I've held onto if I had less good days. Also recognise that we all have good and bad days and can't be positive all the time but sometimes keeping active with something we enjoy can bring a sense of achievement and purpose. good luck.

[Lady1958 in reply to JanetteR57]

Thank you JanetteR57 Depression is my hardest battle that for for the support being in a wheelchair is hard. I used to be outside all the time planting plants, mowing the yard and watering everything now with my ex husband having to take care of me I sit and watch everything "my plants" die which hurts me even more.

I trying to keep a positive outlook but some days are soooo hard.

Thank you again

Lady1958

[anrean]

Depression is one of the hardest symptoms to manage. Have you thought about seeing a therapist as possibly taking an anti-depressant to get through this very tough time?

When I had to leave work, work did not leave me - we went to supper once a month for quite awhile. Eventually that fell apart , especially when it was clear I wasn't coming back, but it helped in the transition. Maybe you could organize something like that?

Talk to your oncologist's office because they may know of groups that are getting together to help each other - virtually for now. When Gilda's Club closed here, Hospice held a group that was helpful to many.

It is a shame that our families are not on board with what is happening. It feels like their lack of support is far worse than anything else. But we cannot change them and have to accept things the way they are

[Lady1958 in reply to anrean]

Thank you very much for the uplifting thoughts. It's so hard because being in a wheelchair and told that I cannot walk on that leg just hurts. I was always outside doing things now I sit staring out the window wishing I could do more. I have to get` help just to get out the door.

I have this one cat that is always in my lap he tries to cheer me up and helps sometimes. Being in a small town and the virus just does not help I'm trying my best and working on get out of the house more.

Thank you

Lady1958

[JanetteR57]

are you able to do any exercises in your wheelchair? could you contact your local voluntary service and see if they have any 'befrienders' who could support you physically or by phone? do hope you can lift your mood somehow as it can be so debilitating..... take care

[Lady1958]

Thank you very much right now I keep having problems with people coming to my house and me going out everywhere due to the virus. I call people that I used to work with but they are so busy now that me and the Officer Mgr retired at the same time. They do not even answer the phone anymore.

Thank you JanetteR57 still trying to keep my head up and stay (+)

[JanetteR57]

Cancer can frighten others and can be a reason they stay away - especially if they lost loved ones to it or else they're scared what to say or how to react. I have met so many wonderful people who have become friends by getting involved in the patient advocacy/lung cancer research community who I would never have met without my diagnosis/treatment. I've also lost touch with people who I thought would stay in touch but didn't and been pleasantly surprised by a couple who've become very close friends despite being less than that before my diagnosis. I guess we can never know who will stick around - but remember reading a quote about friends coming into our lives for a reason or a season.... and am now more philosophical about those who don't stay in touch for whatever their reasons.... maybe you could email/message people on the lung cancer community/Facebook pages who may like you want somebody to stay in closer connection with.... In the UK we have a couple of charities including Macmillan and Roy Castle lung cancer foundation (our equivalent I think of Go2 foundation) who run nurse led helplines who are usually willing to listen or suggest avenues of support. The pandemic has only heightened how isolating it can be stuck in our homes with any long term condition.... but hope you can find something to lift your mood before too long..... have you ever read 'cancer is a word not a sentence' by Dr Rob Buckman - I found it really helpful when I was struggling with chest infections and thought they were all signs of recurrence - it helped me reframe my perspective.... sending you a virtual hug and hope you pick up soon....

[Lady1958 in reply to JanetteR57]

Thank you so much JanetteR57 I'm just going thru that everyone that used to be there is no longer there. I needed the virtual hug and I hope to pick up myself soon. Texas seems to not have many support help groups. These brick walls is getting really old. Still trying to hold my head up and keep going.

Thank you again go very much.

Lady1958