Yesterday, November 20th, Heaven gained an angel and we lost the most precious, loving, strongest, most irreplaceable man in my and my mom’s life. I am drowning in a sea of emotions. Am I angry? Yes. Am I sad? That doesn’t even begin to describe it. The blessing is we were with him at the hospital when he left us. It was still unexpected. They were coming in to do an EEG in the ICU and asked the family to step out. They repositioned him and my dad just slipped away with us in there. He was extubated last Tuesday and did wonderful with the breathing tube coming out. He was moving on to his last radiation treatment and then possibly Tarceva next after a meeting was going on the next day about my dad. The next morning we ran to the hospital as my dads lungs failed which caused his heart to stop. They got his heart restarted after 5 min but my dad went into a coma. This past Sunday my dad started to come out of the coma and opened his eyes and moved his face and much more. Monday he slipped back into the coma and yesterday God took him and wrapped him in his arms and told my dad that he has fought all he could fight, with a courage and strength that I have never seen before. My dad held on 2 days with a blood pressure of 50/30 that fluctuated up and down. Most people wouldn’t have lived that long they said but my dad fought. I told them that they don’t know my dad. He is fighting this. He fought it to the very end. His radiation oncologist said he has never met anyone like my dad and probably never will again. My dad is who I am, who I will be in the future, and who I was yesterday. He won’t get to walk me down the aisle or meet his grandchildren. He won’t celebrate 41 years with my mom next year. A daughter will always need her dad. A wife will forever need her husband. My dad fought with every ounce of his being and he smiled through it all. He took every single thing he went through in that hospital since 10/16 with a smile, a sense of humor and gave me all the love he could and in turn I hope I gave him every ounce of hope I could and knowing that he was never alone in this fight. I was his biggest fan. His fight was my fight. I told him we would go to the end together. We did. The blessing is I prayed that my dad’s fight be ended on his and God’s terms and not because the family took him off the ventilator. My prayer was answered yesterday. But if my biggest prayers were answered then my dad would be here today and a miracle would have happened.
If you take one thing away from my dad’s story, please know that as long as you want to fight, then fight and never give up. No matter what doctors tell you, no matter how the odds may be against you, no matter what anyone says, fight and have hope. Hope is the one thing greater than fear. There are people and doctors who will try to take your hope away. Don’t let them. Ever. And don’t let anyone ever tell you you can’t fight and beat cancer. You can. It didn’t happen for my dad, but I promise you that it would have happened for him without the leptomeningeal. I never thought otherwise. And if you have someone who is along this journey with you and fights for you, hold onto them. Everyone needs someone to fight along side them. The burden is too much to bear alone but even if you don’t, then you ARE enough to fight. No one can tell you your willpower. I hope that when you’re having a bad day, you remember my dad and remember you can get through whatever comes your way and that you are strong. I told my dad how strong he was last week. He shrugged his shoulders the day before he was extubated. I said no dad, you are the strongest person I know. And so is everyone who has cancer and every single one of you on this forum. You all are strong!!
To Denzie and all those of you who fought for my dad to get IMRT, words cannot thank you enough. You all made a difference in my dad’s fight. You all made a strong man cry when he got the call that morning that he was approved and his denial was overturned. To all of you who have helped me with my questions since February, thank you! Thank you for helping me, for giving me positive stories to tell my dad daily to fill him with hope. And to all who have checked on me and my dad, your kindness means so much. I apologize for not answering a lot of posts last week and I promise when I can I will respond to them. But right now I need some time to grieve and plan the last loving thing we can do for my dad. But I wanted to let you all know and thank you all immensely, on behalf of my dad and myself. 💔 NEVER give up, NEVER stop fighting until it’s on your terms, NEVER lose hope. And remember when you feel your weakest, that’s when you’re the strongest and someone else out there thinks you’re the strongest person they know. 🌹
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Lisam81
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I am so deeply very sorry to hear this update my heart goes out to you, your Mom and all of your family.
Your Dad was very lucky to have such an amazing daughter who was there by his side till the very end. 😢 I lost my Dad several years ago, very young to a sudden heart attack and we had no warning and it was very difficult, not that it's evet easy. So hard and painful.
Please know you'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Cherish all those wonderful and amazing memories.
Thank you so kindly, Lisa. My grandma, my dad’s mom, passed from lung cancer a few years ago. She was 87. My dad was 64. Makes my dad look so young in comparison, and yet he really was. I’m so sorry about your dad as well. We will always need our dads. 💔 Thank you for all your help during this, keep fighting, and you will stay in my prayers. ❤️
...My greatest concern and fear is leaving my sons and my precious little grand daughter, I need and want to be in their lives.... much, much longer 💕.
Praying for a cure...and so sorry it didn't come in time for you and your Dad.
Lisa, that’s where your strength comes from - not wanting to leave those you love. My dad told us in the hospital “I don’t want to leave you both.” That was the backbone to his fight. Yes, he wanted to live for himself but boy, did he really want to live for us. Two nights ago, my dad sent me a message. Most people told me that was the quickest message they have ever heard of. Maybe - but knowing my dad it’s not surprising he already found a way to tell me something less than a week after. The message “How much he loves me and he can’t be sorry enough”. I assume the sorry means he’s sorry he left us, sorry we fought so hard and it didn’t work out. Either way, I only said that I was the sorry one for not saving him... Stay strong. Your fight is far from over!!
You have no reason to be sorry.... you were and are amazing...💕 A loving and caring daughter. Your Dad was so loved...and I'm sure he was very, very proud of you. I tell my boys all the time, how much Iove and adore them. Being a Mom and now being a "Nanni" has truly been the greatest gift and joy in my life. No doubt your Dad was the same....💔 Thank you for sharing that love...you truly touched my heart.
Thank you for your kindness, Rick. I consider myself exceptionally blessed to have had the father I did. 💔 I just read your bio and I see you’re in Tampa and a Vietnam Veteran (thank you for your service). My fiancé’s dad was also in Vietnam. He passed from lung cancer at the age of 57, caused from what they believe was Agent Orange. My grandfather passed in the VA hospital you go to in Tampa. He was 100 percent disability for WWII Air Force. And my dad was going to Moffitt in Tampa. We live in Orlando though. Small world. I am also very happy to see you are a lung cancer survivor. May you forever be blessed! 🧡
I'm not sure about the forever part, but thank you for your thoughts and wishes.
We will be renting a place near Kissimmee for four nights right after New Year's. It will be a big family affair celebrating our daughter's 50th Birthday. I'll shout hellos. 😄
I also sorry for your loss. I will be sending prayers for you and your mom. I ask that God will reach down and hug you both real tight and comfort you at this time.
Thank you so kindly for your prayers. It has been a rough week that words couldn’t even describe. There’s a hole that will never be filled. I still keep you and your husband in my prayers. How is he doing?
He is struggling. He developed that organism "BOOP" (I am a nurse and had to get information on this since I have never even heard of it) in his lung as well as pneumonia. They stopped all treatments due to this. My heartaches for him just knowing what his cancer is doing without treatment. Thank you Kindly for asking about him.
Oh Lisa, this was not the news I wanted to hear, but you and your dad have given us so much hope in this tough journey together. We have hoped with you and now we grieve with you. Your dad’s story and your words are a powerful legacy for those of us who have heard or will hear the word cancer in our lives. You are a strong woman and your mom has seen that. That will help her in the next days ahead. I lost my mom last year. She survived cancer but succumbed to a stroke. She was always the strongest person I knew and I have lived my life trying to be as strong as she. Your dad saw your strength. He knows you will carry on for him. That does not mean you can’t have days to feel deep sadness, but you can let his example guide you as you parent future children. Your wonderful words and memories of your dad will make him come alive for them. They will see his love through you. Now your job is to live that life he wanted you to have and especially through the next days, feel the hugs from all of us here.
Judy, I’m sitting here sobbing while reading the words you wrote. My eyes haven’t looked normal in a week. Thank you so very much for your kindness, support and prayers. Thank you also for checking in on me and my dad throughout all of this. I am very sorry to hear about your mom as well. We will always need them. It’s a hole no one could ever fill. I want to do something in my dad’s name in honor of him and his fight and that that will raise awareness and benefit to those with lung cancer and leptomeningeal. I don’t know what I am doing yet, but I hope I will figure something out. You stay in my prayers always. ❤️
Lisa, you will always stay in my prayers as well. I have no doubt you will find the perfect way to honor your dad. I expect you will build an amazing life with the future family you want to have. Check in on us every once in awhile. Check out grief support services with Hospice. They helped me greatly. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it helps to talk to those who know what you are going through. You will feel all kinds of emotions. Take care of yourself.
Dear Lisa, You continue to amaze me. At the worst time of your life you are still so strong and inspiring for all of us, You and your dad have been on my mind quite a bit as you struggled to get him the best care possible. No one could have done better! Time is what we make of it, and you certainly used all your time wisely to help him, to be strong for him, to be his partner and to love him. He was very blessed to have such a wonderful daughter!! My granny passed in 1991, and there are days I still feel the hole in my heart; there are also days I know she is looking down and talking to me. I know your deep sadness will pass with time, and that it will also return at times, the connection you had with your dad was so strong that if you are quiet and listen, I am positive you will hear him speaking to you and will feel his hugs from heaven. Now is the time to grieve...but don't grieve too long, you have great memories to celebrate his life! Make the most of those precious memories and celebrate all the good times a loving dad and his loving daughter shared!! There are some wonderful grief groups - you might want to look into that - the grief groups is how my Lyds's parents survived the loss of their daughter and learned to remain strong and celebrate her life. This is the first Thanksgiving since her passing that I won't be at her parent's home but there will be canned cranberry jelly on my Thanksgiving table in her honor - a bite or two of her favorite food - which I find totally yucky but will do to celebrate her life. Please know that we all love you and you are welcome to stay in the group for as long as you feel you want. Thank you for letting us know, and more so, for continuing to teach us how to fight, too!! With much love and respect, Lauri-Anne
Lauri-Anne, thank you so very much for your kind words. I have been sitting here sobbing while reading everything. I’m sure in time I will be okay. I am not right now though and it doesn’t feel like I will ever be okay, though I know time heals. Thanksgiving was horrible and I didn’t celebrate it. Christmas I plan on honoring in my heart, but there won’t be a Christmas morning with my family like all those years and I don’t plan on putting up a tree for the first time ever. I do plan on putting up a large wooden cross with white lights in the front yard that my dad made me last Christmas. I will also go buy him the pocket t-shirts in all of his favorite colors that I have been buying him for Christmas since I was young and then I am donating them to someone else. Keep fighting - you are blessed and a blessing to many on here as well as myself. I will stay around on this forum - moreso in the future when things calm down a bit. You all feel like family ❤️
Lisa, we are all here to help you through this most difficult time. Lean on us and let us help in any way possible! You are very strong - use that strength!! Thanksgiving was way too close, but please don't let Christmas go by without doing something special - I know you are going to get the shirts and then donate them...but there is so much more to Christmas. Hope you will take a picture of the cross and post it for all of us to share! Love for all of you, Lauri-Anne
Lisa, you have given us all a wonderful gift by sharing your family’s experience with us. Thank you for so openly showing us your courage and determination. Your dad was blessed to have you as his advocate and loving daughter. Sending love to you and your family. ~Peggy
Thank you for your kindness, Peggy. You all have been a blessing to my dad and I as well. I couldn’t have done it without everyone here. May you continue to be blessed and stable - that’s a wonderful word to hear!! ❤️
Such an amazing warrior could only have fathered such a fierce advocate. Many people die not knowing they’re leaving such a legacy of love. Your dad left this world knowing he was well and truly loved. Not everyone can claim that.
Denzie, I had just started to slow down on crying and then I got to your post and now I’m sobbing again - in the best possible way. Thank you for everything. And I wish every single person could claim that. I know what it means to me and meant to my dad - if only every single person in the world could feel that.... ❤️💔
Lisa, very poignant words, and most definitely a lesson for each of us. All my love to you and your Mom, and to your Dad for eternal peace and serenity, judg69
Thank you for your kind words and all the help you have offered me and my dad throughout the months. May you continue to be a lung cancer survivor forever. My dad smiled so much knowing you all were out there surviving it and it makes my heart happy to know as well.
Thank you for your kindness, Katherine. I definitely got my strength from my dad. I will never know another like him. 💔 May you forever stay cancer free. You all are the strong ones. ❤️
I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I know it is a very difficult time for you. After reading your essay, your father must have been one great man....I can tell by the he raised you....your words reflect this. He lives on, in and through you. Thomas Edison's last words after awakening from a coma...."It's beautiful over there." My prayers for you and your family. I lost my father to cancer back in 1978, this is a life event that is always hard. Take some time. Grieve. Thank you for encouraging all of us! Your father's kind heart shines brightly through you.
Thank you for your kindness. I am crying while reading your words! Yes, I agree, my father was a great man. 💔 I’m sorry you lost your father to cancer as well. We will always need them! May you forever beat cancer and shine your own light on others - I can tell you are a wonderful person as well. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story and for letting us be involved in your dads fight. He raised a wonderful daughter full of fight and love. Nothing can replace your Dad but please know we are all here for you should you need us. You and your Dad have become very dear to all of us here and you’re courage and spirit are a source of strength for everyone who’s here fighting the good fight.
Take your time and grieve for however long you need. You’ve earned that and so much more.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I have cried through each post on here. This has been a horribly hard week and the pain only seems to get worse. Thank you for all of your help and support throughout these months. It meant so much to my dad and I. I read him your posts and told him your story. May you continue to be blessed and show cancer that YOU are in control. You are the strong one and I know you have a lot of fight to give as well. You stay in my prayers ❤️
I am so sorry. I read your words of encouragement to my honey. Thank you for taking the time to share your dad's last days with us. Many, if not all, people on here have seen and felt you dedication, love and strength.
I would also say that everyone needs a Gloria by their side as well. You have given and continue to give your husband just as much strength and support as I gave my dad. I cannot thank you enough for your help, advice, support and stories you shared to help my dad and I. You are equally as strong. May you both continue to be blessed and may your husband continue to get stronger and forever beat cancer. ❤️
Your words moved me to tears. Your father brought up his daughter with some very strong emotions. You give us hope and strength even when you yourself should be the one reaching out to us! You have supported your father till the end and he must have left this world knowing he was loved unconditionally.
Thank you for sharing such an emotional journey with us.
You are an inspiration to others and a tower of strength to your family.
Thank you so much for your kind words. The pain only seems to worsen but... in time. May you forever beat cancer and know your own strength. You all are the strong ones and true inspiration ❤️
Hi Lisa, .My name is Lynn, caregiver to my husband Sam, we live in the suburbs of phila. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes, you put into words exactely how I feel. I'm seventy four and Sam is seventy five. My husband has been fighting for ten plus years now..his cancer has come back the summer before last with a vengeance.
Sam has been through, chemo, radiation, operations and now on another chemo until it stops working? seeing what this disease does to a person both physically and mentally, I wonder if I would have chosen to have fought so hard.
Lisa, I share your pain, it's so hard to watch our loved ones to fight the fight. Your Dad was so blessed to have had such a wonderful daughter, may I add pretty as well. Right there by his side helping him fight the fight. I'm so very sorry for your great loss, I'm sure your Dad will be
Greatly missed by all who knew and loved him so.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers..
Lynn, I cried through your post. God bless you and your husband. Ten years is a long battle and one that could not be endured if you both weren’t strong, full of fight and willpower. If I can offer one bit of advice it would be to fight and hold onto hope. I guarded my dad’s hope fiercely. When people or doctors tore it down, I built it back up. Fighting cancer without hope is like sinking in quicksand. It’s the hope that throws a rope to hold onto. It may look bad, but there is always a crack of hope somewhere to be found no matter how bleak it may look. It was those tiny cracks of light and hope shining through that made the difference. Nothing is ever impossible, no matter what science says. It didn’t work in my dad’s favor in the end but man, did we both fight this together, though my dad gets all the credit. I just fought alongside him as backup. You may not always win, as my dad did not, but the battle was worth the fight. All my prayers to you and your husband for continued strength and may he never lose hope. ❤️
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Fluid on chest and intense pain 
Missing my husband
