Things are not looking good right now for me. My PET scan lit up like a Christmas tree. Instead of 4 little nodules in my liver, it looks like a chicken pox, and now I have mets to numerous bones and spine.
I'm going down swinging though, and after a good cry, I will try to hold my head up and glorify God about the good things I have, like some wonderful friends and a very supportive fiance. I continue to try to trust in Him and ask that He continue to walk with me through all this mess.
I knew when I started participating in this blog, I would find people who would be in total remission, also knowing that I probably would never be due to the characteristics of my lung tumor, but I am not giving up hope, and say that the more bleak the outlook, the more glory to God when he heals me.
Thank you to Serrick for his inspirational outlook.
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Lalukie
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Ok serious I had the same kind of pet scan two years ago.. They said I would not be able to withstand chemotherapy or radiation. Gave me 4-6 months I went through both processes. Have had very bad days. Depressed, pity pray etc. Just prayed for not just me but for others and gave praise and didn't ask for anything. Forced myself to get out at least twice a month. You can do it! Also never worried about myself but my family.. Hey we can get hit by a car, have a heart attack etc and they will survive...... My prayers will be with you. Allow yourself to feel lossy at times it's ok...
You know, it's funny that I'm not really scared to die. People die. That's just part of the circle of life. At 56 years of age, and have never smoked, I just don't want to miss the things that are going to happen in the next few years, like son's getting married, maybe a grandchild or two. I just don't want to stroke from mets to the brain or be totally debilitated. That's my greatest fear. I, like you, worry about my family and feel bad that one day my grandchildren will never have a terrific grandmother that I would be.
But the bible says I must rejoice and be anxious for nothing, and I am trying. And I will pray for others and give praise. After all, heaven can't be all that bad.
I feel for you.... I have 2 grandchildren so blessed one will be graduating this year. My big one is my 13 year old grandchild whom I'm extremely close to. She stays with me one night a week we have deep talks and our secrets..... She's at that age and it will greatly effect her that's my sadist.... But again I could die tomorrow of anything accident etc. I can only give advise on how I handle things.. Let's see had have severe asthma, pulmonary fibrosis,ripped spleen, bladder cancer and now lung cancer... My Mom is always telling me I have 9 lives lol. I've had depression, so sick I just wished I'd die, pity party's etc. But I don't let them last more then two days. I can't drive, can barely walk. Not feeling sorry for myself but just deal with the everyday things, work hard on being positive most of all faith!! I also remind myself that their are young people with small children who are fighting for their lives. There are so many children small and older who might never live life.. Sorry so long. You vent when ever you want!!! Even if everyday....
Ok, I sit hear reading your post and the reply from Turnham, at my desk, with tears in my eyes. Humans reach for, and feel, the light of something powerful even in the midst of darkness. It makes me shake my head in real wonder. Hugs to all of you. Keep holding your heads up high, and when you can't, find someone you love to cradle you.
My prayers for God's healing of your body. Have you ever read Dr. Josh Axe's story on how he helped with his mothers remission? It may not be something that you want to try but sometimes miracles happen when God shows you alternative therapies. Prayers for you.
@Lalukie I'm sorry to here that. I want you to keep fighting and don't give up hang in there. Have faith and believe any thing can happen for the good. although I haven't got to know you I want to know you. Your not going any where but right here with us. Remember you have a guardian angel watching over you and she will always be there with you. I care and i'm here if you need to talk Jo
Lalukie, you only need to fight the fight you want to fight and how you want to fight it. That might sound a bit odd, or overly simplistic, but in all actuality, it's the honest truth. Besides, you will not be alone as long as you have faith. There are millions of us fighting the same fight, having the same pains, the same hurt, the same mental misgivings, and any of the other thousands of things that happen in the life of a cancer patient.
When people tell YOU how much of an inspiration YOU are, and how brave you are by the way you are dealing with the hand you have been dealt, understand that doesn't make you a superman. It means there is no one there to watch you cry or share the feeling of a bottomless anguish you feel on a daily, if not, an hourly basis. You do that not to appear to be without fear, or anger, or the inability to feel. No, you do it because you have the best "corner man" in the business.
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