As i mentioned in my last post ive been at my lowest and not coping . Ive been to see my doctor today she was lovely . I mentioned St Johns Wart as its been recommended by you she said this can work really well but because ive not been sleeping well (3 to 4 hrs a night) shes perscribed me mirtazapine i take it just before bed and should help me sleep as well as being a anti-depressent i have to give it time to work but she said its been sucsessful with other patients so fingers crossed. She thinks the pain im having is the fluid pushing against the nerves i have two damaged nerves caused by a previous op so im going to start a low dose of Gabapentin as im allergic to many medications if ok i can increase the dose slowly. As soon as she asked how im feeling in myself that was it the flood gates opened !!! I told her about the recent experience with the guy i was seeing like you guys she was discusted she said i was beautiful and need to start believing it i thought that was a nice thing to say. She gave me phone numbers for local free councilers in my area as i cant drive but she said there not specialised in the problems im having and would be more beneficial if i contact Macmillan and find one i mentioned this forum and how its helped me and i will contact LSN about it. I havent done so yet as my parents were round and i would prefere to contact them when im alone. I have a real good chat with my parents today ive not been very honest with them about how im feeling there was lots of tears i explained i sort of feel a bit of a failure because im not coping ive always been the strong one in my family. They were lovely and very understanding they noticed ive not been myself when they asked in the past i always said i was ok they new i would go to them eventually!!! i feel so much better just talking about it to them and i will continue to do so. I have massage tomorrow straight after work so i will definatly sort the counciling side of things friday. The doctor said i was so strong through the cancer it was like it was happening to some one else i hardly shed a tear and now all that emotion is coming to a head a bit of a delayed reaction and its good to cry and let it all out the sooner i start to talk to the counciler the better. I will find it a bit easier now ive opened up a bit thanks again for all your lovely and very imformative replys xxxx
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