Need help/ advice weaning off meds

I have been taking 1mg of lorazepam for at least 4 years every single morning just to survive as a normal human in life and not have crippling anxiety.

I have been on and off lorazepam since I was 19, but now that I’m my 30s, my anxiety is way worse and I feel more dependent on my meds.

Recently I’ve been noticing that my dependence on loraz is getting really bad. I literally do not remember anything. Anything I said or did during the day and I lose my train of thought constantly. I forget simple things all the time. I never had a great memory but this is SO bad. I wanted to go back to school but it is literally impossible. I can retain info to save my life anymore.

I tried weaning off this weekend because the memory loss has really been bothering me a lot. Yesterday I didn’t take any and I felt fine. Today I woke up feeling like crap so I took only a half. All day I’ve been feeling foggy and just gross like I want to vomit.

I’m so sick of this life I live. 90% of the time I feel like I am being tortured by my mental illness and 10% of the time I’m happy. I feel like my life is a big waste and I’m so jealous of all the people I see living it up. It’s not fair. I feel like doctors don’t give a crap about people with mental health issues and even worse, WOMEN with mental health issues. My entire life doctors have dismissed me and let me suffer.

Please help with this lorazepam weaning!

[Starrlight]

I can relate I take it and feel I need it and I don’t take it every day though am on a low dose 0.5 I forget a lot I wonder if it’s permanent. So scary and my mom has Alzheimer’s so yeah, I know I need to go off as well.