I love scaring myself, and I cant stop.

[crks_]

I’ve never been diagnosed with anxiety nor have I ever self diagnosed. But there is something that I need help with, since I have no clue as to what it is or what it may be.

Every day, mostly during the night, I love to scare myself to death, to the point where I can’t move and burst into tears. I have no explanation as to why I do this, but I’ll end up listening to horrifying music or googling triggering images and stare at them until I cant take it any much longer. I’m sure there’s probably some people in this group who have heard of a game called Doki Doki Literature Club? If not, the game in a nutshell is a Dating Simulator that turns dark as you progress through the game. ⚠️TW SUICIDE⚠️: Around the end of the first round of playing, one of the characters commits suicide by gaming herself. Now the thing that got to me wasn’t the fact she killed herself since not all suicide triggers me, but as you watch her hanging from her ceiling, it plays this unsettling song which I believe is called Sayonara (Goodbye in Japanese). The song itself is full of eerie high frequencies and creepy noises. Nearly every night, I play that song and sit there while I wait for the point where I’ve had enough. My eyes slowly begin to hurt since I burst into tears while listening to it. I’ve tried having a different mindset towards the song by telling myself ‘It’s just a bunch of notes, it won’t hurt you’, but whenever I hear it, or any other of the horrific songs I hear, I can feel a prescience watching me. Or weird thoughts would appear in my head, such as being tortured in a dark room, or being locked up in an isolated area. I don’t know how to stop this, it’s like I’m addicted to making myself panic.

If anyone knows how to deal with this, please give me some tips, thank you for reading this.

[Hidden]

Hello

This does sound like a habit you have got into and a bit like ocd , when we have to do things repeatedly

You know what it does to you and you know that it is doing you no good and the only thing I can say is get rid of the game , replace it with something like deep relaxation

It has become an addiction as you say and only you can break this , but tell yourself just for tonight I am not going on it no matter what and the same the night after as tempted as you may be , it may not feel easy to resist to start with but will get easier till you won't be doing it anymore

Take Care x