New to the group

Hi all, I'm new to this group. I've dealt with anxiety for years, mostly just at major changes in my life followed by generally being fine. After several years of being OK I was just caught in a round of layoffs at my company and so my anxiety has come back strong. I am a 50 year old male and sole supporter of my family so there is pretty intense stress and pressure.

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  • Hello & Welcome

    This is a lovely Community but not so many come on here as they used to which is a shame as it was so supportive , I look on now & again and saw your post :-) Not sure if you have joined Anxiety Support on Health Unlocked as well but you could post on there also as more seem to be active :-)

    I think you are aware that life changes are what seem to make you anxious and of course life never runs as smoothly as we would like it to and I am sorry that people are getting laid of at work ad this must put a huge pressure on you as I can tell you feel it is you sole responsibility to be the bread winner and support your family which I admire you for however I am sure if you spoke with your wife and told her how you felt she would give you the support you need at this difficult time , and she would think no less of you but want to share the burden as that is what couples do

    Anxiety is an emotion , one that everyone has , one that is normal especially when faced with something like you are at the moment , if we accept it is ok to feel anxious but we don't feed that anxiety till it escalates out of control you will come through this like you have in the past

    You sound a wonderful caring family man and you should be so proud that you are but at the same time ask and take some support for yourself because there is no shame in doing that and posting on here is a step in doing so :-)

    Keep in touch and let us know how things go and maybe if you feel you are not coping have a word with your Doctor , I am sure they will be understanding and maybe suggest different options to help through this difficult time and you will come through it , I always say these experiences happen to make us stronger and wiser and so we can pass that on to the next person that may need it so maybe seeing it like that will help a little bit

    Wishing you all the best :-)

    Take Care x

  • Lulu, thank you for the thoughtful reply. I do feel like I am struggling alone. My wife is supportive, but she is anxious as well - not quite like me though. I feel like I don't want to share too much because as a man I feel I "should" be the strong one and not need help. I can't even let myself cry, but I know I have a good one bottled up inside. My doctor is aware of my anxiety and recent change in employment. I recently asked him to prescribe me some Xanax - haven't used that in about 4 years. I am on Paxil and he upped that dosage some to help. My main issue is the constant worry and scary thoughts - "what if's". What if I can't find a job, what if we lose the house, what if we have to move the kids (again), what if my anxiety messes up job interviews, etc. etc. I'm sure you know what it's like. Just struggling through each day right now. I'm rambling, but it's good to talk. Thanks again for your reply.

  • O the famous "What If's " when we are the script writers of our won life's but un like the films where they usually have a Happy Ending well ours is all doom and Gloom :-D

    O yes I often think I know exactly what is going to happen and I often have been wrong to !

    How about " What if I get the perfect job , What is I earn that much money we move into a bigger house , What if I get offered that many jobs I don't know which to take because I was so good in all the interviews " No are " What if's " are never positive because if they were we would not have anxiety , but that is what it loves to feed on all the negatives and we have to try and reverse them into positives

    Life has that many turns in it along the way that I have learnt to stay and live in the day , otherwise I would be a wreck !

    OK sometimes we have to go a few weeks ahead and think of what needs paying out but I look at what have I got today , bills paid for now , food on the table , heating on ...yes ! then I say well I am lucky and I will think about tomorrow when it comes and if I have to , takes some practice but why worry what might happen when it may never happen anyway , and also you sound like the kind of person that no matter what happens you will sort it and somehow you will " If and When " you have to

    I am sorry your wife also has anxiety to some degree , I feel and please do not take this the wrong way but a little male pride is in there somewhere , but pride can destroy us sometimes and just because you are male you are human to and it is ok to say I am afraid , I need help , in fact I think it makes a man more of a man to see they are also human

    Have you family or friends that you can have a heart to heart with ?

    As for crying , again I believe only a man cries , so get a film on with a sad ending and have a good cry and say the film has made you cry , the relief and tension a good cry can give can be one of the best ways to get rid of all the fear and tension

    Do you feel the increased dose of medication is working ? or wold you still prefer to go on the meds you were on before ? If you feel what you are on is not doing it then you need to go back and let them no so they can look at something else maybe

    Try and leave you fears behind this evening , I pretend to put mine in an imaginary box and shut the lid on them ( sounding maybe a little crazy now but I am not , well I don't think I am :-D) but just see if for tonight you can tell yourself you will relax and enjoy it because for now you have done everything you can and no point worrying about tomorrow because you don't have a crystal ball to know what it will bring :-) x

  • Lulu, you are the best! I'm so glad I "ran" into you here. Everything you said was on point. Yes, it takes practice, but I know you are right. I appreciate your comments about it being OK for man to cry and yes - there is male pride involved here, no denying it. The thought of giving myself a break and it being OK to need help is refreshing. Putting on this fake facade that everything is "fine" every day is so mentally and physically draining. My evenings are usually much better than the mornings/days, because I do sort of mentally shut out the world and just be with my family (and dogs). I think the meds are OK, I think I just need to power through this period and stay strong. Great talking to you, I hope it continues.

  • O you men what are you like :-D

    Seriously though I do honestly mean when I say it takes a bigger man to be able to show his emotions , I think as a women it is relief that we know you actually have some because when you hide behind that mask we do sometimes wonder if there is anyone there that feels anything , so go on try been you and try showing how you feel , you have done the cave man for to long now and it has not worked that perfectly so might as well have a go showing your other side :-)

    Well when the Morning comes , just take the day a bit at a time , remember you are not mystic Meg so you have no crystal ball so stop thinking you have and just tell yourself what ever the day holds for you , that you will deal with it and nothing is the end of the world

    I know we don't always see it and the world can be so materialistic , but we are richer than anyone when we have our loved one's around us and as for the roof over our heads , yes it matters but does it really matter what sort it is in if it is a mansion , semi detached or terraced as long as we are with those that are most important :-)

    If you need someone to talk to there is always someone about that understands even though like I said the Anxiety Support can be a little bit more active , but let us know how you get on :-) x

  • Thanks Lulu! You are very helpful to me right now.

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