Helpless feeling empty and alone

[SammieXo]

For years now I have been trapped in this bubble of the same routine, same low life part time job same way of thinking always negitive it makes me very ill. There is so many things I would love to be able to acheive e.g Saving money, driving licence, holidays. I just have never had any motivation ever to sick at anything in life my self esteem is so low because of my anxiety. One thing I would love the most is to feel happy with myself feel relaxed to be myself around people without thinking they are judging me which I feel people are 24.7. I find it very hard to walk down the street and I start to feel dizzy and dont know where to look I cant keep eye contact with people its exteremly hard at work trying to maintain relationships I know my moods are crazy they change all the time I just dont feel in control and I hate that, this is also why I dont go out drinking with friends in the fear of having to let go and have fun. I cant be comfortable doing anything. My fear is just life in general. I dont know how to feel better anymore I dont hve friends that understand they are there. My family dont take much notice to how I feel. Ive missed out on so many important birthdays because I didnt like to go to parties. I struggle at christmas time etc. Its my 29th Birthday today and I just feel so miserable I want to change my life but I am trapped in this way of thinking about myself I dont know how to be free.....

[Hidden]

oh hon you are far from alone.. you need to push yourself do something that scares ya I try to do something once a month a night out or cinema,amusement park etc the more you let your anxiety control you the more you will talk yourself out of activites x