Relationship breakdown

Hi there, I really need some advice/an explanation. My boyfriend recently broke up with me giving me a flimsy reason why. When I prodded him further a week later, he admitted to me that he suffers from depression and was going through an episode. I was shocked, I knew he had trouble sleeping and had been feeling down but I didn't realise the extent. I miss him so much and I know he misses me but he says he doesn't want to burden me with his issues. Can anyone explain what he is going through? I love him and want to be there to help him through this but not sure how or if it's best he does this in his own? 

5 Replies

  • I'm no expert at this, but maybe you could be there for him now as a friend. Maybe you could go back to dating him when his depression is under control.

  • Tell him you want to b there for him, don't judge him but also don't patronise him, it's a horrible and selfish illness and the worst thing you can do is tell him to snap out of it or tell him to pull himself together. I have suffered with this for nearly 4 years now, it was a lot better for a while but I'm starting to dip again and it's hard, up and down all the time, tired all the time, even after a 14 hour sleep, getting told its coz I don't exercise or coz I go to bed too early, everyone knows best if you know what I mean? Just be honest and ask him what he needs from you, but make sure you are in it for the long haul Hun xx

  • Really appreciate your reply. I'm struggling on what to do. I want to reach out to him so badly but I don't know how. He broke it off so I feel I should try and move on but I know it was the depression speaking. We do still text every now and then. What is it like trying to have a relationship whilst having depression? Does it add pressure or does it help when you have someone supportive? I wanted to suggest we go to therapy together. 

  • My depression was diagnosed literally less than 2 months after we got married. My husband has majorly struggled with it, we lost our house, I quit my job, went completely off the rails for a while, it was hard for him, but he still stayed with me, he was there at the end of the day with a cuddle and a cup of tea, you just need to show him that you are there for him and then prove it every single day until he believes it, 3 and a half years later and I'm only just starting to get my head around the fact that he does love me and he is gonna stick around. I believe this 50% of the time now, as opposed to the 5% it used to be. If you truly love this man and you want to be there for him then moving on isn't an option unless he has definitely told you 100% he doesn't want to be with you. It sounds to me like he just doesn't want you to worry about him. Maybe try making him some dinner one night, drop it off, dont stay even if he asks you too, than do this again a few nights later, again tell him you would love to stay but you don't want to put pressure on him, it needs to be his depressions idea to let you in if that makes sense. It's just about proving to him that you are there for him even when he is in his darkest place. Xx

  • How are you getting on now? I am in the exact same situation for the 2nd time but each time I have to take it seriously. I've told him I'm there as a friend also and sent a card explaining my feelings and that gain I'm there for him as a friend and partner. I'm just praying he lifts enough to see me without the dark he used to.

    It is true when they say they want you to move on as they do not want to burden you or make life anymore painful for you. If they could only see that ending the relationship is worse, more painful and worrying. We're best friends as well as partners, infact I know more than his friends do on how he feels. We've bared ourselves to each other and very intune. Maybe that's our problem when his ill - too connected. I don't know.

    I hope things have improved for you, it's tough when you love and idolise a special person. If you couldn't separate the person from the illness you would move on, hate or get angry but I only feel love for him. I expect you are the exact same. I've lost 2 stone in 4 weeks and I feel no better. I do have the support of his our parents which is helps.

    Hope you are ok; be really nice to hear how you (and your boyfriend) are doing

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