I think I have depression

[izzy3]

I am 17 years old and have been feeling depressed for 2 years. I used to self harm but am now 14 months clean as of today. I have been smoking since I was 15 and find that it helps me to feel calm most of the time. For a long time I just thought that I was going through a bad patch but every time I get better I hit rock bottom all over again. Most days I wake up and don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to kill myself but I just want to die. I hate myself and feel like a waste of space, the only thing that is stopping me from wanting to kill myself is my younger brother who I don't want to leave behind.

Today at school, we were talking about mental illnesses and in particular depression. When my teacher listed the symptoms and effects I realised that all most every one she mentioned matched the way I feel or the things that I do. I don't know what to do anymore. My mum suffers from depression and has always brushed off my concerns about my own mental health as "low moods" or "it must be your time of the month". It hurts to know that I feel the way I do and my mum doesn't notice or even care. I want to talk to someone but I don't want to be a let down to my family. I want to talk to someone but I don't want my parents to be there.

I really don't know what to do, I want to get help so that I can move on with my life and go to uni next year but I don't know who to ask. Can anyone give me some suggestions as to where I should start? Thankyou

[Kezj05]

Hiya I am no expert,but you should go and see your gp they will help you. You sound like alovely caring person with alot on there shoulders , life has it up & downs for everyone but if you feel down every day is abattle forcus on the good your brother , your career and go and make appointment to day , good luck 🍀

[izzy3 in reply to Kezj05]

thankyou for your advice, means a lot

[abdi123]

I'm the same age as you man, you can't let it win you have to fight it!!!, i sometimes have my low mood, sometimes i don't even go out much becasue i feel depressd, i don't even go to school now i dropped out of my college, but i realised the alone way to happy is to successful do anything you like in life that makes you smile and inspires you. if you need a friend i'm here.

[izzy3 in reply to abdi123]

thankyou so much

[abdi123 in reply to izzy3]

no problem

[Im-so-weird-49]

Tbh I feel the same way ,except the fact that I'm 14 and i don't have a younger brother , most of the Time I just want to give up and end it all. Basically I want to DIE , but I don't do it cause I'm kinda scared to and i also don't want to cause my family pain. I used to self harm , well i still secretly do and my family found out and they told me to stop, but hey it's not that easy.I cry alot and i always want to be alone or I long for someone to be with me /love me , care for me ,hold me ,etc. When my family found out that I was self harming, I told them that I needed/wanted help , but they never LISTENED! And since sometimes i tell my cousins how i feel and they tell everyone, so now i cant trust anyone , ugh. And now I feel even worse than I did before and i dont what to do anymore. I think I have depression . I find life boring, hopeless, and I feel like I'm worthless ,stupid,obese,hopeless,ugly,people even tell me i cant do anything right ,etc. Idk I felt like replying to this saying I can relate to how u feel. I've been feeling this a LONG time. Years. Sorry this is so long , and also sorry that I was no help .