Sex, Relation's, Partner

[BigH63]

Hi All.

It might have grab you’re attention but it’s a serious subject. This is only to put some feelers out to gauge the response. What it is that I wanted to know is are we ok to talk about this side of recovery as I’ve not seen it mentioned at all

When I say Sex I mean close relations with you’re partner and obviously not details, just subject of closeness after ICU enforced holiday.

I’d like to see if this is ok to breach here. We talk about ever other part of our rehabilitation but this ?

Anyway I’ll Leave it for others to say yes or no.

Thanks and sorry if I’ve shocked anyone 😱

[Sepsur]

🤣🤣🤣- wasn’t there a film called “No sex please, we’re British”

We had a drop-in about 2yrs ago and invited a couple of consultants to talk about sexual relationship after ICU - they highlighted all sorts of issues and coping mechanisms - like many things after ICU - we’re generally left ‘to make it up as we go along’.

My advice is gentle works…..if it hurts…don’t do it ( yet). 😀🙌

[BigH63 in reply to Sepsur]

Interesting you said you had some people that discussed this subject. Sepsur is there any chance we could get them to do another session. Not sure what the up take would be but if we don’t air these subjects they lurk in the short grass ?

What’s you’re or others thoughts but thanks for replying and putting a humorous slant in it.

Cheers.

[Sepsur in reply to BigH63]

We will definitely brooch this subject again - at present most people want help with PTS & delirium.

[BigH63 in reply to Sepsur]

Ok that would be good. Let us know if you can get a zoom to cover it some time. Thanks

[Sepsur in reply to BigH63]

They spoke about autonomic nerve damage causing impotency - another aspect of peripheral neuropathy. They also spoke about Peyronie’s disease which causes exaggerated curvature of the penis ( & discomfort).

Muscle loss, mobility & stamina all play a part. I had no core strength for instance - no core muscles at first & constant cramping.

I don’t know if some nerve damage & scarring is caused by all the catheters & drains and lines & whether this plays a part too. Did I have loss of sensation? Once you start questioning everything, you can’t see the wood for the trees ( excusing the pun)

I’m trying to think back - my fear was that I’d get stuck n some weird position and need help or I’d get hurt - ( we forget how vulnerable & exposed we are). I guess, I also didn’t know if it would still work or if I’d crap myself - not having complete control over your bodily functions was deeply humiliating.

[Hidden]

I agree that this topic needs to be brooched. On the subject of closeness I feel the loneliest and scared I have been in many many years. Definitely worth talking about.

[Dutchey]

I am a physio and ex-ICU-patient….and Dutch, residing in the UK.

I do discuss sex with patients, more from a practical / physical aspect, rather than emotional. However, having been in ICU, I do add my personal experience about all aspects of my own rehabilitation - both physical & emotional.

Eveything had to be relearned as I had woken up ‘reset’ to 0….zero ability to do anything, being a grown up baby having to relearn every aspect of life. Never to compare myself to before ICU. I had to upt / change my communication game as I can not expect others to know what surving ICU feels like.

🍀🤞🏽 to all!

[FamilyHistorian]

I see no problem with this as it probably affects everyone in some way or another. One of the problems is that drugs we take have side effects and the blue pill is not always the answer. It also takes 2 to tango so the issue may not be just with the individual who has been the patient. Getting the timings right between the two of you sometimes just doesn’t work. Look forward to what Dutchy has to say.

[Tedsdad]

4 years on separate rooms sex once a year. I am not happy about it at all. But it takes two and I am glad to be alive.

[BigH63 in reply to Tedsdad]

Hi Tedsdad.

I’m sorry to hear that, and this us exactly why I wanted to broach the subject, seems we suffer in silence rather than be adult and discuss the problems or the things that helped get it back on track. I’m a great believer in discussing things as things can be pushed under the table.

As my partner says it’s not the main thing in a stable relationship but it an important part whether that’s be a cuddle on the sofa or holding hands or making love.

I hope things get better for you and you’re partner

I wish more people would engage.

BigH

[Tedsdad in reply to BigH63]

Of course you are right. Immediately after I came out of hospital I was told that the drugs that I was taking were making me smell like a hospital. And that my wife just couldn’t stand it. Separate room were the answer for a number of reasons some were perfectly good but it has just stayed that way. But I suspect she had only been tolerating me in this respect for years and although ICU was definitely a trigger it wasn’t the real cause.

[BigH63]

Hi.

Ok I understand and sad at the same time.

I’m now going to Q write my thoughts.

Hope things right themselves fir you and you’re partner

🙏

[Taxidoll]

It's a part of life so yes I'm happy to discuss the practical and emotional side of it.From my perspective I just don't feel desirable any longer, I've never had the best opinion about myself but this has me floored.

I guess time and communication should help with the emotional side.

As for the practical side, let's say catheters are not great for pelvic floor muscles!

[BigH63 in reply to Taxidoll]

Yes it is part of life and although not the most important it’s an important part of any relationship. When you come out of ICU and for a very long time after it’s never in your mind of course but eventually that part of life you do think about. The closeness of it. Then the thought like you said am I attractive anymore do things still work. But talking I think is the key

Yes catheters are not nice for ladies or men but a necessity all the same I even had a rectal catheter very not nice. You loose all you dignity for sure.

Hopefully at some point Sepsur can organise the professional people that talked about this to come again to the group in the future.

Good luck