Struggling to Readjust

[StruggleBusDave]

hello, ive been out of the hospital for over a year now and my return to life has been far from normal? Ive filed for divorce from my wife that supported me during that time. I just need some advice or just someone that understands whats going on. I find myself disconnected from normal life. Im on disability and i have a hard time relating to people living normal lives. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated

[Sepsur]

my advice is not to make any major decisions for at least a couple of years after ICU.

I have to stress that I am not in ‘the advice’ business. I can relate to everything you have mentioned.

You may find this article revealing ( before you finalise your divorce - why not send this article to your wife & book in for some couples therapy?)

sccm.org/MyICUCare/THRIVE/P...

[Jaly234 in reply to Sepsur]

i hear your struggles and understand. i myself have had a horrific time since i was discharged from ICU, had a horrific ICU psychosis and received no support etc. it has been over a year for me now. i would suggest getting in touch with the Critical Care Network Support ([e-mail])- they provide weekly Zoom meetings on a Thursday and you get the chance to talk with others. it's a life saver and you are not alone

[Mytur]

Hi, sounds like a really tough and confusing time. First I think it might be helpful to recognise your in a time if healing so be kind to yourself, you been through a life changing/saving experience which takes time to adjust and accept. Not the best time to make big decisions.Might also be helpful to find out info on stays in ICU, how they can impact on us and others around us. Learn to self soothe your body has been through the mill and your mind. Reflect on what one thing would help you take your next step in your recovery. For me it was managing my overwhelming anxiety as I just didn't feel safe. I eventually went on antidepressants, a really tough decision as I'm a psychological therapist but it's allowing me to get to the next step.

Good luck 🤞 with your journey, be kind and reach out for support from family and friends.

[ZanderB]

This all sounds familiar and there’s no easy answer. I resisted anti-depressants for over two years but relented and really think they helped. Also, the hospital’s ICU clinical psychologist was a huge help over 2.5 years. As for relationships, every one is different but I found ‘going with the flow’ and being positive (even if I didn’t necessarily feel it) made a big difference. Only 2.5 years later can I say that I’m enjoying life once again.

[Lux95]

An extended ICU stay changes us. The change might not be noticeable to others, but it is to us - increased impatience, easily angered, fear of getting sick again, lack of a filter in conversation, limited or no ability to enjoy anything, wanting to be left alone, etc.

It's been a year and a half for me, and I had to tell my wife to not be offended by my bluntness and impatience. For the first year, I was easily angered, and that made things difficult for the family, and those around me. I still can't enjoy anything the way I used to.

Take some time to just heal and slowly rebuild. As Sepsur suggested, don't make any big decisions. We aren't the same, and need time to figure out how that affects our interactions with others, ability to think rationally, work, and how we approach life in general. Be patient and don't push away those who supported you. We need them more than we might think or feel at the moment. I know that from experience, and it isn't easy, but it is crucial that we try.

[StruggleBusDave in reply to Lux95]

You got me with the “lack of filter in conversation” got me and so did the rest if it. Im glad theres others that have been similar to me

[Hammer65 in reply to Lux95]

Your post really struck a chord with me. I had a relatively short stay of 8 days in ICU at the start of the year. My wife has supported me immensely in adjusting to my new disabled life. She has done literally everything to help me. However, I have the same "no filter" issue and am often critical of the tiniest thing. My wife is a sensitive soul and it really hurts her.

Psychological support has been zero from health professionals - I am dealing with recovery from an ICU stay, Post Sepsis Syndrome and adapting to life as an amputee with no assistance at all.