Did anyone awaken from their coma really angry?

It felt like I'd been ripped away from something. I didn't know where I was or how I got there ... Quite disturbing.

[Copse77]

This short 14 minute long radio programme may be helpful. It’s by a former trustee of ICU Steps and he was in ICU in a coma.

bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0001jpv

[Hidden in reply to Copse77]

Thanks!

[Mijmijkey74 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I woke really annoyed feeling I had been torn away from something, but it was torn away from absolute breath taking pure love, care, contentment and peace. Woke to a nurse who I'm convinced was being horrible talking about me with suggestions that I was faking it. I squeezed her hand so hard she knew I wasn't happy with her, and she even mentioned it in my ICU diary. I was in complete peace in my coma, the love I felt in it was pure strong powerful love and care all around me inside my coma, I feel that loss immensely, like the death of a true loved one but stronger. Miss that love and care so much so that I crave to return to it with desperation. I was at complete peace and here awake I am not. Feel like I was wrenched away from the most beautiful place, a place I did truly belong in and was wanted in more than I am here awake. My life here awake is a horrible one, am not at peace, my mind is troubled and unsettled with depression anxiety and ill health still. In my coma none of that was present, just pure love and peace. Though when I finally got out of hospital the world looked amazing, jaw droppingly beautiful, like I was seeing everything for the 1st time. The beauty of the sky and changing of seasons blew me away, blew my mind. The urge to jump out of a window off into that pure magnificent sky was overwhelming, not because I wanted to die from jumping out off into it, but because I wanted to be a part of it, the peace of it so like my coma, that feeling has gone now reality has tainted everything again. That absolute wonder has gone, the sky has lost its magesticity. It looked like like heaven before, pure, new, inviting. Now just the sky as it was prior to my coma. I want that feeling of breath taking wonder back. I want to see again as I did those first months after my coma. It's all gone and nobody could see or feel what I did as they were not out of comas, they were all and still are tainted. I will be dying soon enough I know it as health so poor, I hope my dying involves a coma again. Nothing is the same after a coma. Food makes me feel so incredibly nauseous that I have to lie down, food tastes strange, my mind cannot stay awake properly. My digestive system is messed up making me need to poo a lot, my sleep is disturbed, I'm neither awake nor asleep but somewhere in-between having strange dreams that I constantly snap out of wide awake throughout the night, it is as if I am not asleep but just dozing on the edge of sleep in a strange surreal place filled with confusion, where my brain doesn't switch off, can feel it constantly whirling away in that strange drifting place. Awake I don't feel like I'm really here anymore but not in my coma either. My muscle from prior to my coma since discharged last February has not returned, my body is emaciated, I weigh only just over 5 stone. Everything feels strange, my family are not the same anymore, they look the same but I see them differently, I am separate to them, like I'm viewing them from a distance with different eye's. Not much makes sense anymore and this exhaustion is overwhelming and doing everyday normal things now more difficult and requiring more focus and energy. Energy and focus I haven't got as it saps away quickly. Everything is more challenging and exhausting. My walking isn't right, my voice isn't right either, talking is an effort requiring force, an exhausting effort, an effort that drains me and makes me feel ill and sick. A trip to the dentist because the coma has messed up my teeth is embarrassing and draining. Can't hold my jaw open less than a minute before I'm in real aching pain, my body constantly shaking and twitching inside and out. Nobody understands how draining everything is. I eagerly await my death as don't belong here, and I've generally had enough of it all now.