Still confused: I don’t have any memory before or... - ICUsteps

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Still confused


I don’t have any memory before or after my sudden heart attack MI am/ was a healthy 58y/o woman. All I remember was that I was going to a restaurant ( abt 5 miles from my house )2 meet a friend. I remember getting in my car, driving for a few minutes ( thru a very windy road)& my memory stops! All I know is what is was told.. apparently I arrived @ the restaurant @ the same time as my friend. Parked car, went into restaurant, ordered my green tea, had a conversation( abt.10 min.) started to sweat, put my head down& collapsed..MI! ambulance was called/ tried to resuscitate me(cpr/shocked 3 times- jump started :) but my heart wouldn’t stay beating.. er put in stent@widowmaker then medically induced coma 3 days. I was kept 2 weeks! My blood pressure was so low they wouldn’t release me! I am 5’1- weight 100 lbs.

I was on 16 drugs! Which of course, lowers my blood pressure - no doctor figured that out😡I was in& out of the hospital for a year (5 heartcaths) stent closes new stent, angina( nobody explained what that was) colitis..the left chamber of my heart is dead- frontal lobe damage( exextive function etc.) .my MI was 1/22/2015.. now 3yrs later I still have no memory of what happened,coma waking up - NOTHING! Most friends don’t want to give me too many details because it was so hard for them to talk abt. I want desperately to remember something/ anything! Everyone asks me what was the first thing I remember dying/ waking.. i remember NOTHING! Did I have an out of body experience? Did I see the other side? I want to remember what death is... my memory is horrible still!i have lost friends because I say inappropriate things ( not horrible)& nobody including me;understands what is happening. And with everything they have dealt with- I can’t explain to them what happened to my brain! I don’t recall conversations- can become repeatitive and making bad decisions! I want my memories back; will my brain ever recall this event? So frustrating.. nobody understands what’s happening nor do I.. since I lost 1/2 my heart I am scared all the time. I’m afraid I’m losing my mind as I feel like Its slipping away more everyday -

4 Replies

I closely identify with the symptoms of an acquired brain injury, although I stress, I have not been diagnosed...I don’t know if it is a ‘symptom’ of induced coma, oxygen deprivation or the long term effects of the sedatives and treatments, memory loss, forgetfulness, no filter, emotionally & mentally changeable, indifferent to hazard or sometimes unable to determine hazardous situation etc etc. Having had a very informative meeting with Headway today - maybe this link will prove helpful to you too.

Thank u for that link. I have anoxic brain injury.. I don’t think of it as “brain damage”.. always thought that was really sever brain injury .. not me..guess I need to accept it better. What makes it even more difficult is not telling anyone cause I don’t want ppl to think I’m “brain damaged “.. just can’t bring it up in conversation or use it to explain my behavior .. I realize what I’ve said or done after the fact .. the embarrassment is already horrible.. ppl have judged my behavior & walked away from me.. even friends that have known me for years.. they juT don’t understand ..

The trouble is you look ok on the outside & ppl judge you accordingly. See if there is an Icusteps meeting near you or headway - I’ve found they really help - somewhere to feel normal!!

I couldn’t even find a heart attack support group .. so I only have the online community ..I’m in the USA

You’re so correct whenu say we look so OK.. can’t tell I have half a heart & brain injury.. so nice to read information from an understanding person.. thank u

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