Still confused: I don’t have any memory before or... - ICUsteps


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Still confused

Lifesamystery profile image

I don’t have any memory before or after my sudden heart attack MI am/ was a healthy 58y/o woman. All I remember was that I was going to a restaurant ( abt 5 miles from my house )2 meet a friend. I remember getting in my car, driving for a few minutes ( thru a very windy road)& my memory stops! All I know is what is was told.. apparently I arrived @ the restaurant @ the same time as my friend. Parked car, went into restaurant, ordered my green tea, had a conversation( abt.10 min.) started to sweat, put my head down& collapsed..MI! ambulance was called/ tried to resuscitate me(cpr/shocked 3 times- jump started :) but my heart wouldn’t stay beating.. er put in stent@widowmaker then medically induced coma 3 days. I was kept 2 weeks! My blood pressure was so low they wouldn’t release me! I am 5’1- weight 100 lbs.

I was on 16 drugs! Which of course, lowers my blood pressure - no doctor figured that out😡I was in& out of the hospital for a year (5 heartcaths) stent closes new stent, angina( nobody explained what that was) colitis..the left chamber of my heart is dead- frontal lobe damage( exextive function etc.) .my MI was 1/22/2015.. now 3yrs later I still have no memory of what happened,coma waking up - NOTHING! Most friends don’t want to give me too many details because it was so hard for them to talk abt. I want desperately to remember something/ anything! Everyone asks me what was the first thing I remember dying/ waking.. i remember NOTHING! Did I have an out of body experience? Did I see the other side? I want to remember what death is... my memory is horrible still!i have lost friends because I say inappropriate things ( not horrible)& nobody including me;understands what is happening. And with everything they have dealt with- I can’t explain to them what happened to my brain! I don’t recall conversations- can become repeatitive and making bad decisions! I want my memories back; will my brain ever recall this event? So frustrating.. nobody understands what’s happening nor do I.. since I lost 1/2 my heart I am scared all the time. I’m afraid I’m losing my mind as I feel like Its slipping away more everyday -

4 Replies

I closely identify with the symptoms of an acquired brain injury, although I stress, I have not been diagnosed...I don’t know if it is a ‘symptom’ of induced coma, oxygen deprivation or the long term effects of the sedatives and treatments, memory loss, forgetfulness, no filter, emotionally & mentally changeable, indifferent to hazard or sometimes unable to determine hazardous situation etc etc. Having had a very informative meeting with Headway today - maybe this link will prove helpful to you too.

Lifesamystery profile image
Lifesamystery in reply to Sepsur

Thank u for that link. I have anoxic brain injury.. I don’t think of it as “brain damage”.. always thought that was really sever brain injury .. not me..guess I need to accept it better. What makes it even more difficult is not telling anyone cause I don’t want ppl to think I’m “brain damaged “.. just can’t bring it up in conversation or use it to explain my behavior .. I realize what I’ve said or done after the fact .. the embarrassment is already horrible.. ppl have judged my behavior & walked away from me.. even friends that have known me for years.. they juT don’t understand ..

Sepsur profile image
Sepsur in reply to Lifesamystery

The trouble is you look ok on the outside & ppl judge you accordingly. See if there is an Icusteps meeting near you or headway - I’ve found they really help - somewhere to feel normal!!

Lifesamystery profile image
Lifesamystery in reply to Sepsur

I couldn’t even find a heart attack support group .. so I only have the online community ..I’m in the USA

You’re so correct whenu say we look so OK.. can’t tell I have half a heart & brain injury.. so nice to read information from an understanding person.. thank u

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