Thought I'd quickly correct the legion typos in my reply to Rach and post as a separate post.
I went to A&E a few weeks back. I was finding it hard to walk and my head felt like it was about to explode. The doctor did a few tests and said yes you have something going on, with high inflamatory markers etc. But he said that he couldnt say what and I would have to go back to my GP for a referal to a rhuematologist. So much for my attempt to fast track things.
While waiting in A&E for tests to come back, a guy covered in blood came and sat next to me. This wasnt something I was hoping for as I have a bit of OCD around blood. But walking away would have seemed rude. Sometimes social norms can be more powerful than primitive fears I guess. Anyways, I got talking to him and it turned out that he was covered in blood because he had decided that it would be a good idea to take the canula out and was amazed to see the fountain of blood that ensued. I went and got him a cup of tea (in part an excuse to escape while the blood on him had a chance to stop dripping) and came back and chatted some more. With three kind old ladies looking on with sympathetic smiles and at least one of their husbands having fallen asleep, the guy told me his story. He had been suicidal all his life, had had encephalitous as a kid, his mum had died of MND, and he was an alcoholic. But, he said, the alcohol had saved his life. He had set out to finish himself off last year and was so drunk that he tripped on brambles while taking a short cut through the grave yard and was knocked unconscious. I guess he ended up in the grave yard but not in the way he expected.
Im not really sure why Im telling you all this. I guess I just got writing and havent stopped yet. Funny thing is that I came away from A&E none the wiser about what was happening to my body (in addition to the two autoimmune conditions I'm already diagniosed with). But speaking to this guy was like a kind of epiphany. Ive been very depressed myself since my health began collapsing last year and feeling kind of without a purpose. What do u do if you are an academic researcher by trade and now have severe brain fog, not to mention disppearing eyesight? But I felt that I might have helped teh guy I spoke to. He seemed to have been smiling at the end and seemed a bit more positive. Maybe my purpose might now be to use my time in the darkness to help others in a similar place. So, once I have the next batch of hospital appointments out of the way, Im think of going along to a Samaritans training open day to see if they might be interested in a half deaf, half blind volunteer with novelty purple legs.