Having some real anxietes: I've received a... - HIV Partners

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Having some real anxietes

bigbearmanc profile image
20 Replies

I've received a message on Saturday from a sexual partner who I had unprotected sex with 18 days ago saying he's found out he's HIV positive. My heart sunk and my depression and panic attacks started to rear its ugly head again. I went to the LGBT foundation literally minutes after he'd told me. That must of been the longest afternoon I've ever endured. He said it was a 4th Generation rapid test looking at P24?? and I waited 20 minutes for the results which came back negative. He said to get tested again after 3 months which I wholeheartedly intend to do. He's also got to STD's which I'm going to get tested for tomorrow. but I've spent the last 24 hours still in a heightened state of panic with about 4 hours sleep, that's been in between shifts at work where I've had about 6 panic attacks during those shifts. I did what any human would be shouldn't do and spent the entire night googling stuff. which only increases my concerns. I'm already diabetic on insulin and I really don't want this. I just need a straight answer from people. Is a negative result at 18 days a good indication (I understand windows are different from person to person) or am I chasing pipedreams that may shatter the last shred of sanity I have regarding this? My understanding from this has always been that you're guaranteed to catch it if you've been exposed to it.

I dunno. i'm just a mess at the moment.

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bigbearmanc
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Griffon profile image
Griffon

Take a deap breath and calm down !

In life shit happens , it is how you handle it is what counts .

In my experience HIV is really quite hard to catch . Research shows that generally you need to be exposed multiple times to become infected . The existence of other preexisting sexual infections does appear to make it more likely to acquire HIV .There are recorded instances of couples with one partner being positive having unprotected sex , and the other has remained negative for years .

It is unlikely that that you have become infected from one encounter . It is also unlikely to show up in tests just yet if you have .

Worst case scenario , if it turns out that you are infected the condition is now easily mannaged with medication , it is much easier in this respect than diabetes .

You will need testing for the other STI's , what are they ?

bigbearmanc profile image
bigbearmanc in reply to Griffon

He said Syphilis and Chlamydia. I'm actually about to go down to the GUM clinic to get tested for them. thanks for the pep talk. I'm still worried but crashed last night and slept for like 12 hours.

Griffon profile image
Griffon in reply to bigbearmanc

When I was diagnosed with HIV I also tested positive for HepB and I've had syphilis and gonareah . The HepB has been the biggest problem .

You will be just fine , don't worry .

bigbearmanc profile image
bigbearmanc in reply to Griffon

It's just a set of perfect circumstances. Unprotected, Uncircumcised (although I don't really believe America reasons) and it was that aggressive I did bleed afterwards which is rare for me. Granted it didn't take longer than a couple of minutes. and he wasn't that big so it wasn't (to put it bluntly) deep. I don't know if any of the later factors increase the chances.

Joey9009 profile image
Joey9009

HI Bigbearmanc,

I am a sexual health advisor here in Ireland & not using a condom when the person is hiv have many factors to consider, but if he was newly diagnosed of having hiv & also an sti then it is best to get tested! Hiv can jump on the back of other sti's, referred to as cross infection, sorry to correct u griffon around being exposed to hiv MULTIPLE times before UR exposed, is misleading information, IT ONLY TAKES ONE TIME, IN THE PERFECT SENARIO, yes if in a relationship were one is hiv & the other is negative then is low to no risk, but that depends on if the hiv person is medicated & undetectable or not!

Window periods can differ from person to person, from a few Weeks, to 3 Months up to 6 Months, depending on how much virus the body has been infected with, but regardless to the outcome, hiv is a very manageable condition that is controlled by one tablet per day & they have few to no side effects like the medication years ago!

P.S. Bigbearmanc please keep me informed of your outcome & I can further advise u!

bigbearmanc profile image
bigbearmanc in reply to Joey9009

He's had it in the last 6 months. He told me he gets tested every 6 months. So he could have got it in the past 3 months or the past month. I'm not sure. But like I said previously it seems like the perfect set of circumstances. What is a generation 4 rapid test and what's the average window period? Have there been known stories of people not getting HIV under those perfect circumstances? The probability of becoming infected under perfect circumstances. These are the questions I want to know the answer to. Unfortunately, they can't see me till tomorrow morning. And I am having problems dealing with my anxiety. even getting tested every day for the next 28 days would ease my mind to some degree.

Joey9009 profile image
Joey9009 in reply to bigbearmanc

Bigbearmanc, the window period does differ from person to person, as quoted earlier in a response to u! In medical terms if he has been infected within the 6 to 3 Month period from last testing & is now infected, then the only way of knowing for sure is to be tested frequently, not daily, but Monthly! I don't want to give u wrong information but all I can say from experience is blood involved, is an opening for the virus to get into the blood stream, but other sti's such as syphilis is a high risk of infection, but either way u have a 72 hour window period to get Prep & the hospital should be facilitating u tru this, get urself to a gum clinic for furthur advise Bigbearmanc!

Sparky39 profile image
Sparky39 in reply to Joey9009

Maybe a typo Joey, but the 72 hour window applies to PEP not PrEP

Joey9009 profile image
Joey9009 in reply to Sparky39

Sorry Yes, thanks for correcting my error, Pep is post-exposure prophylaxis, PrEP is pre exposure prophylaxis, was in a hurry earlier typing to Bigbearmanc, thanks again!

Griffon profile image
Griffon

Hi Joey 9009 , you have not read what I said correctly . I did not say that you have to be exposed to HIV multiple times before you are exposed to it .

Research shows that generally you you have to be exposed more than once to become infected . Obviously there is always a risk .

In my own case I had unprotected sex with thousands of different men for thirty years before becoming infected .

This is what I base my opinion that " In my experience HIV is really quite hard to catch " on .

Joey9009 profile image
Joey9009 in reply to Griffon

Sorry Griffon, I read what you wrote properly to what you said earlier, then obviously you didn't fit the criteria of becoming exposed to hiv, to be infected! 1000's or once makes no difference, if it's a first time or a thousand times you have unprotected sex, that's very inaccurate information to send out to people, just because in your experience of thousands..., please send me a link on your findings on the research!

P.S. please read your own contradiction of exposure!

*I did not say that you have to be exposed to HIV multiple times!

*Research shows that generally you you have to be exposed more than once... isn't more then once, being twice, which in return is SEVERAL (MULTIPLE) times!?!?! 🤔

Joey9009 profile image
Joey9009 in reply to Griffon

Griffon you base your finding on your own personal experience, but just because you had sex thousands of times over a thirty year period, doesn't & didn't mean you were ever exposed to hiv ever, but when you did become infected you fit the criteria to become infected in that time & not all of the other thousands of times before that you mentioned, like many other people too! I did outreach work with people who became infected from sex just the once, first time, but that was because they fit the reasons why they became infected, so please stop, if you're gonna make very open statements like that please send on reliavant information to back that analogy up!

Griffon profile image
Griffon in reply to Joey9009

No Joey , you are still not understanding what I have said .

Obviously we all know that it takes only one occasion to become infected , but research has shown that IN GENERAL it takes exposure multiple times to become infected .

I do not base this on my own personal experience , my finding is from research that I have read .

I give my personal experience as an example only .

bigbearmanc profile image
bigbearmanc

I went to a different clinic again didn't have any appointments but they saw me anyway and they're rushing my blood through for all the tests. Got to go back on Thursday for some results and to start treatment for the potential other conditions. Difficult again to gauge the reaction of the health advisor guessing to keep it as open and impartial. the only thing he said was the rapid test was a positive first step but not at all conclusive.

Sparky39 profile image
Sparky39

Hi Bigbear,

You do have to take lots of factors into consideration for the "risk" element. Obviously being the "bottom" in this case is a higher risk as is a guy who is recently infected as their viral load will spike at high levels during seroconversion, before lowering as the immune system kicks in to fight the virus. Also bleeding indicates a tearing to the lining of the rectum allowing a gateway for virus to enter the bloodstream....... this may sound all doom and gloom, but you have had an early 4th Generation test showing negative which is promising but not conclusive. General test guidelines are to test at 6 weeks then 3 months for a conclusive result (the 6 month window period is outdated now) Fingers crossed for you

Joey9009 profile image
Joey9009 in reply to Sparky39

Sparky39, thank you, I wanted to say all that too to bigbearmanc but I felt I needed to thread carefully only because he seems stressed out but to be going tru the right channel's needed but I didn't want to be too conclusive without a medical opinion & a definitive test result, but yes I agree with everything you pointed out & also the virus is seroconverting within the bloodstream so it needs to multiply before it can be detected & take hold, but yes fingers crossed big bear & there is support here for you, if you need to talk! 😊

Andyadab profile image
Andyadab

I would really just keep calm and just wait and see and just try not to let it get to u to much and honestly if u are poz it's isn't the end of the world it is very normal these days with all the meds and advances they have these days as long as you keep it in check I also agree it differs with everyone the same with the meds some affect others differently just wait and see xoxo

bigbearmanc profile image
bigbearmanc

My first blood tests from the clinic were rushed through and still say's I am negative. Again the advisor said I'm still in the window period. So not out of the water yet. It's not the diagnoses I'm worried about (obviously I'm concerned) It's my partner's reaction if I was. We've been together 10 years and he's all I've ever known regarding relationships. It's was a stupid mistake and a wake-up call.

bigbearmanc profile image
bigbearmanc

Hey just giving you all an update. Had my blood taken today at the GUM clinic (28th day) and they've just rung to say it's still none reactive. He said they're 97% sure at this point. They are waiting for other tests to come back for any other potential nasties. I've also had my first injections for Hep B and HPV. They've booked me in for the next load of injections and are seeing me in 3 months for another HIV test. But it's the first time I've had an NHS Professional say they're confident with the result. So dodging Chlamydia and HIV and so far Syphilis (Still waiting on final results) is a massive wake up call. And I'm not going to make the same mistake again. And even if an accident happens I clued up on PEP now. Thanks everyone for advice and wishes of luck. I needed it.

Sparky39 profile image
Sparky39

Hi Bigbear..... That is good news indeed, 97% is a very good sign, you can breathe a little easier now. The 3 month test will be conclusive and I'm confident you will come out of this ok. Take care out there in future and hope we never see you here again! (Meant in the nicest possible way!!)

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