Reading Berkshire.. Is anyone out there who wants a companion and not a hook up, why is it so hard to find the loyal old fashioned type!

Since being diagnosed I have found my search for my life companion harder than ever

I am a 36 year old, proud to be gay, non scene, poz for 6 years, yet to start meds man I'm told I'm a handsome devil

I have looked at many positive dating sites and some seem classy and the guys sincere. Only to then discover the same guys are also on Apps like Grindr looking for unprotected casual Sex and being quite crude. I'm not judging each to their own but it's not for me personally

I dated Neg guys who knew from the start my status, only to be told later down the road that "I don't think I can do this anymore, I miss oral without condoms" or "I worry I'll get it and my family will react badly to you" as examples

I'm an old fashioned sort I believe in a love that my grandparents had Devotion , loyalty, commitment and respect ... And awareness and mindfulness that all lasting relationships take work!

I'm not past it, I don't feel past it... But the years seem to be passing faster as I age and I don't want to spend the last years of my youth wasting them on men who have no idea how to commit or clear and certain what they want in their life

I don't have a lot to offer regarding the material things But I have a heart of gold and live an independant life I don't need anyone to look after me I want that person who compliments me and will have my back knowing I have his

Becoming positive has only reinforced my want to settle. Where are the likeminded? im not saying they don't exist, maybe I need to go specsavers. I struggle to find anyone talking about monogamy or settling down crystal clearly

I am happy single... I'm not happy at the idea of growing old alone I want to have a loving relationship and I'm not ashamed or embarrased to say that I occasionally experience a strong wave of loneliness and sadness about it

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  • Hi. Wow refreshingly honest.

  • Hi mate,

    I'm from near Reading, have u been to TVPS they are very supportive.

    If you fancy meeting for a coffee let me know.

    I was diagnosed 2 years ago still not on meds.

    Let me know, take care.

  • Hi. I responded to your post about not being on meds. 6 years no meds here! Didn't have a good experience with TVPS to be honest. Hope your ok.

  • A really honest and well written piece. With that attitude I am sure you will find someone worthy of being with you.

    I agree the gay world, particularly when one is positive, can be lonely. It is sad but I have come to accept that is just the way it is.

  • Appreciate your response and your well wishes for me. Same to you Mr

  • I hear what you saying I'm 38 soon be 39 and been single for 5 years no one local wants me as a so called friend outed me

  • Outed you as positive?

    One thing I have learned from my diagnosis and being open about it, is who my friends really are and there level of maturity and loyalty.

    Best wishes to you. Thanks for sharing

  • Welcome I have found out who my true friends are here since my diagnosis and who are just people what gossip all the best to you

  • oh hugs hun,

    that is such a cruel thing to have happened to you

    xxx

  • Hi, I'm Paul. Not quite round the corner but not exactly at the other side of the world either :)

  • What a post! I feel,exactly the same and I'm 46,I wonder if it will ever happen and although I am happy I don't want to stay single forever but it's so tough meeting decent guys

  • Do you mind me asking why you haven't decided to get on meds, it helps you get undetectable so you can't pass it on and helps you live a hella lot longer, I started meds 3 weeks after infection. It's hard at first but a year on its routine.

  • A little bit of assumption going on there.

    I haven't decided not to be on meds. Myself not being on meds is and was a joint decision between myself and my Clinition based upon their 27 years expertise

    Based upon the following:

    My Clinition does not recommend I start meds. It is something that has indeed caused me conflict in my mind but the reasons my Clinition has given are good enough for me.

    1: my cd4 has never dropped below 600

    2: my viral load is only 5000 copies

    3: I give blood for studies as to why my body is able to control it on its own, which helps to better understand the virus and in the creation of medication

    Once you start meds you cannot give blood for these studies or assist in creating new meds or treatments. In order to do so your blood must have never been treated with antiretroviral meds

    Lastly, as I have a viral load I do not have unprotected sex with anyone. No one

    People whom go years without the need for medication are refferel too as long term non progressors. This is not the case for the majority.

    Indeed the recent start study suggests that starting meds straight away is the best option. But that does not mean it does not have a long term price to pay in itself. We are not designed to take antiretroviral drugs for life without there being some sort of longterm effect on our bodies. Please note that the start study was after my disgnosis and my clinitions decision and explanation was before it.

    I appreciate your interest in my medication, I am certainly not having a go at you. The assumption I am anti medication and choose not to be on meds is made about me regularly. I think it would be nice if people ask why I'm not on meds as oppose to asking why I choose not to be on meds. As I do not choose not too.

    I am doing what we all do, trusting my Clinition and following their advice

    Best wishes.

  • Ah sorry if my message seemed to be an assumption didn't mean to offend non judgmental completely, that's great that you have maintained healthy levels, I would say though that it would be advisable to get a second opinion from another clinician though as all of the research suggest medication extends life, I'm aware before medication had really bad effects but even last week a study showed a 20 year old starting medication can live well into the 70 and 80s. Definitely don't assume it's a choice and I'm sure your clinician has what they think is the best intentions but if all the research and progress that has been made with medication and limiting side effects I would really hope you would consider getting more opinions and speak to other experts, that's great your part of studies, but if it's at the cost of your longer term health maybe the pros and cons outway, whatever way you go I wish you the best of health :)

  • If my CD4 drops below 500 we have already picked my meds combo. It's all in hand. I appreciate your input, genuine willingness to help and your advice. Thankyou

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