Ive recently wrote about my GIANT lack of sleep and what little progress I've been making. Honestly, I've been becoming hopeless..depressed..despondent. BUT there may be a glimmer of progress..and I truly hope so.
The past two nights I tried melatonin and an OTC sleep aid...and for the past two nights I achieved some level of sleep. Though, this was a very very odd kind of sleep...Extremely shallow and not the kind of sleep you slowly nod off to, but felt as if i forcibly had to make my self sleep. But ill take it. Other thing was I would wake almost every hour or so from an extremely vivid dream, and then have to "force" myself back to sleep where i would return to the same exact dream. It was very lucid where i could control most of what i was doing....and many of the places, people, circumstances were related to my past stressors/truamas. Though these weren't nightmares, they had instances where i would feel anxiety..and there was the feeling of trying to "fix" something or complete an objective...some kind of ultimate goal. Some parts of the dreams were also cool or fun and many of my friends were there.
Like I said, compared to past sleep and the few scattered nights where i would nod off to a deeper sleep and feel physically and mentally restored to whatever degree, this kind of sleep was extraordinarily shallow, and when i got up i felt completely unrestored physically but felt verry slightly restored mentally..just alittle clearer and little less depressed. So it was little disappointing, but ill take it.
I read that if you repress REM sleep(where dreams occur), you will have rebound REM sleep spending more time in REM sleep.
My hope is that this is my mind processing whatever it needs to process....also hoping that this stress sleep will lead to my body/mind allowing itself to eventually fall into a deeper state because there defiantly is some fear preventing myself from that drop off...anytime I've come close to "dropping off" I'm jerked awake....anyway, I'm hoping this is a sign of progress none the less and I'm praying for i start to make some headway and catch some real deeper sleep soon.
