How can I help my family?

4 months ago my husband was hit by a car and suffered a bi. We have 2 beautiful children 4&5 and I want to help support them as well as my husband who struggles with fatigue noise patients among other things! How can I help? Their daddy was so hands on before and now he shouts a lot and struggles to connect with them. I'm exhausted and want to be the best wife and mum I can be but feel as though I'm clinging onto the edge. Any ideas on how to manage the day to day is greatly appreciated!

15 Replies

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  • jodr i take it hes not on any medication for his mood swings.

    i am the same but fortunately my daughter is grown up, otherwise my wife would have probably left me.

    there isnt much you can do about because we dont know were acting in an aggressive manner, actually, there is one thing, get him referred to a psychiatrist and find the nearest headway group............hell be able to discuss his problems with people like me who have a brain injury and the poor devils that look after us.

    have you applied for pip and dla?

    welcome to the group

    steve

  • Thanks for your reply Steve :)

    He's not on any medication and at the moment we've been told it's too early to see a phycologist.

    I've suggested going to headway but he feels like he would be an intruder as he doesn't feel like there's anything wrong. .

    What is pip and dla?

  • Totally understand him not wanting to go to Headway because he feels like there's nothing wrong, that is normal. I went and left straight away after my RTA & resulting coma. 20 years later I now feel the need to go! Don't rush him, let him choose himself- nobody could have made me go back then :)

  • Thank you and yes I mentioned it and he wasn't keen so haven't suggested it since. I find it incredible bi is a hidden disability..not surprising that it's hidden from those looking in but that it is hidden from the person with the bi! Thank you again :)

  • jodir mayb it might help if he saw some of the comments of people who actually understand because they are going through it themselves.

  • Hi welcome

    I understand that you will need support through this difficult time

    May I suggest contacting headway for advice also talk to your GPs to see what help is available

    I apologize if this seems abrupt having trouble concentrating at the moment

  • Thank you for your reply didn't seem abrupt at all :)

    I will ring headway and gp haven't felt brave enough to do that yet as I'm worried I'll open the flood gates if do!

  • Hi Jodr and welcome.

    Ring Headway helpline tomorrow and chat with them.

    Download the leaflets especially the one on managing fatigue.

    I think we all laboured under the false assumption that a brain injury is like a broken bone and should be well healed by 4 months. The truth of the matter is very different......At 4 months it is still early in the process.

    If your husband can understand and is ok with it then getting to build lots of regular rest periods into his day is useful. Needless to say good food, hydration ,avoiding caffeine and taking extra Omega oils are all good things.

    Love n hugs

    Xoxo

  • Thank you for your reply.

    It feels as though I'm treading on egg shells a lot of the time and trying to be referee! I know it's his bi and not him that's making him behave this way it's just heart breaking to see as the boys idolise him! I will ring headway for advice. We have started fitting in rest periods for him throughout the day but selfish me is finding it exhausting! I can cope with most things but the anger really gets me down. We eat healthily and I've been force feeding him avocados and fish oils!

  • Noise really affects a head injury in the early days- 2 young kids is a lot of noise for him but he will improve! And the little ones will adapt being so young, please try not to worry or you will drive yourself mad- stay strong :)

  • Hi Jodr . It is very difficult. As you can see from other people's replies many people don't feel like they need to see a psychologist or a support group . TBI survivors and families can have very different points of view as far as these things go sometimes. My partner had a TBI 15 years ago and can get very angry / over stimulated and like your husband refuses any outside help. I don't think it's possible to force people either.

    I think it's very important to get some help and support for yourself , whether your husband feels he needs any or not. I would definitely recommend speaking to the Headway helpline for yourself and also find as much information about head injury as possible. . There are many people on this website who are very supportive and can really help. It's important to keep yourself and your children safe. These situations are very stressful on the family because it's such a massive change for everyone involved. I wish you all the very best :) xx

  • Thank you for your reply :)

    In the last couple of weeks I've ordered a few different books on head injuries to try and get more of an understanding. And yes you're absolutely right I definitely feel like I need some support now as I'm struggling to manage on my own! Thank you :)

  • jodr best book to buy is touching distance by beverley turner and the olympic rower who got knocked off his bike by a hgv lorry, james cracknell.

    it will help the both of you....and if you can get your husband to headway and hes sat there groaning and moaning and then someones telling there story, he may very well think someones talking about him.

  • Thank you yes we both read it last week! It was an excellent read, put so much into words that I've not been able to!

  • jodr unfortunately you cant, you havent got a brain injury,hopefully you never will, so you can never begin to understand, only be there to support.

    your in for a tough time lots of tears, from both of you. my brain injury changed my emotions, i cry for no reason,when i laugh, my wife tells me i laugh like a mad man.

    but dont worry, youve got digital friends who understand and are here for you and hubby to vent your frustrations.........and it would be nice in future if hubby just for starters only said hello. i would be a start,

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