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One step at a time

I wish some one ahd told me that it was going to take longe than a couple of weeks/months to get better. I wish some one had said you will go through highs and deep lows, big leaps in progress followed by long time were nothiing changes. I wish someone had said that you will upset those you love because you wont be aware of what you are saying/doing. I wish someone had warned me that there are people out there that will make you jump through many hoops to get any financial help. I wish there was a book of information that was just simple that everyone can understand.

That was me a couple of years ago. It took me 6 years to reach this stage and it was the hardest and most difficult to cope with. Everyone says take each new day as it comes, dont force yourself when you are tired. It hard to get your head around that though when you are exhauseted by every small change to the new timetables that you are working through each day/week. I never knew and still dont when i have gone too far till i have gone too far. For the life of me i cant understand how you would know you were going too far, how do you know till you try?

The early days are spent healing and learning. Then you are scrabbling around trying to make sense of things and coping with life at home. Motivation was a big problem for me in the early days. Now im the other way completetly i dont know when to stop! I had the hardest time when i was realising what impact the accident had made to us as a family, then i felt terrible guilt and fear. I got down and was very scared to meet people incase i swore at them or upsetthem. I did this a lot becasue the filter between brian and mouth was not working.

I could not look forward, i still cant look forward. It doesnt occour to me or make sense.

Im working in a school because i was told i need to volunteer by the job centre. They said because i did cubs i should go to primary school. On the way back from job centre i went to the primary school that my children had been to and asked. I got forms to fill in and i started the following week.

When i went back to job centre he was shocked i had started, i didnt know why, he told me i needed to do it . so i did! It was to see about my stamina and being in a new surrounding to see if i could cope. It is a stuctured day. There are bells ringing when its break and luch and someone tells me when it time for me to go home. I am eating lunch regular now. Im leaning some maths that i am stuggling with now, or tips for spelling. I know its wrong but stuggle to put it right. I got offere 7hrs a week paid work and it knocked me for six. I could not see how it would be possible to work full time or part time propper. With support from the job centre i got my hours increased. It was hard doing 16hrs a week but it was getting close to the end of my year of benefits, i was panicking. My family had suffered a house lost homelessness and moving from one end of the country to the other to get a homless flat all because we had no ties to anywhere because we are ex forces. I didnt want them to go through all that again because of me. It was very scarey.

Im now doing 25 hours a week as a class asst. in primary school. It is very hard work. i have had my meds changed twice to stop me being so tired. I am earning enough to cover the loss in benefit now but it took months to catch up because it is paid a month behind. This month is my first real pay packet. 6 months since losing my indepenance benefit.

One step at a time. It keeps going for years, i'm sure someone did tell me all those things, im sure someone must have said it take years, the only thing that suck for me is One step at a time.

3 Replies

Greetings Danslatete.

My TBI occured July 1967; after I didn't know my fundement from my elbow, stuttered for words and was unable to keep a job, girlfriend and so on. I moved from one job to another and eventually [~10yrs] things were starting to get better.

After 15yrs things were a lot better and now 45 yrs on I'm not going to have anything new occur.

I still get depressed, there still are after effects but they are insignificant to me and I try not to take notice of the depressions, occasional fatigue and some serious increase in libido [that has been a real problem lately with my wife being the same age as me].

So yes, it'll take years on years for you like it did me and others like me, there will be affects but one day you'll notice that certain aspcts of your suffering will have disappeared or at least attenuated to a point where you can control the effect on you behaviour.

I was supported only by my late and dear Mum. No benefit for me so you can understand why I was going to work two weeks after I was discharged from Hospital after a craniotomy, a months coma and two further weeks hospitalisation.

I hope you reach some inner peace and understanding as I eventually have.


Hi Danslatete...

I agree it would be useful to have someone warn you about how long things would take and the challenges you might face...but at the same time part of me understands why they don't. It would definitely be good if people were made aware of Headway services a lot sooner and more frequently too and hopefully that will change as local headway groups and HUK strive to improve things.

Although you have clearly had an uphill struggle, it seems you have done amazingly well and I salute your progress and determination and hope you will continue to thrive and grow.

Take care and be kind to yourself


good morning Danslatete...

wow do i hav empathy with your challenges i found out once you are discahrged from hospital when in hospital no one advises you where to go when out i was lost until adult social services appointed someone to talk to me my sitauation was greatly improved with carers as for finances i have a lot of debt the local citizens adice are a great help

regarding moivation i can only suggest every week with a diary you arrange to do things visit places meet friends do some voluntery work attend church attend a headway day centre otherwise what point is there getting out of bed each day headway were very helpful with my fianaces waitd 4 weeks for an appointment chap turned up to say he only had 5 minutes and that would be it he was leaving i would be contacted soon that was 6 onths ago


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