Perception of time post-TBI

[TreesMTBI]

Does anyone else struggle with the notion that time has just disappeared and keeps disappearing since your TBI?

It’s the eve of my 7th anniversary since my accident and most of that time in between, I cannot even decipher what I’ve done or where I’ve been or even comprehend that it’s been seven years. SEVEN YEARS?!

It’s like I’m constantly grieving for that time back every day, it feels like a dripping tap. And who I was on 30th June 2017 just prior to the accident and who I am today 29th June 2024 - there’s this chasm of time in between those versions of myself but I can’t fathom it. Struggling to put it in to words….

I think alot of it comes from not being able to plan and fill my days and have markers of what I’ve done and of course, the memories. Seeing other people live their lives and achieve stuff just makes it more difficult, and although I’ve not been much one to compare to other people, I can’t help but compare my ‘non-life’ to those around me. And that feeling of being left behind, metaphorically and physically as time just trickles away.

And don’t get me started on the extremely unhealthy practice of looking at (inaccurate?) social media portrayals of others and their amazing busy fantastic lives!!!! 🙃 Definitely a habit I need to break!

[WonderingWanda]

I don’t know how old you are or if you work so do t have a huge amount to go on in making a useful reply. All I can say is what I have found that helps me:

Remember that time is just a concept that is man made in the first place. All we have is now. The present moment. Once you realise that the concept of the past is in fact a set of neural pathways that store information and that each of us stores our own set of memories and thoughts in our own way. It make you realise that not only is each person’s “past” unique to them it may not even be real! Freaky concept isn’t it?

But it’s true. Time does not actually exist. Now is all we have. If you live each moment in a way that satisfies you then nothing else matters.

If it’s important to you to recall things to aid this storage of information then a daily journal may help. I keep one. Very rarely I refer back to it but I find it reassuring to know there is a record somewhere!

Sometimes I realise that I can do better at something now than when I first had my injury and I record it. It’s an affirmation that change is possible. But mostly I live in each moment and treasure it. I am so grateful to be here. To be able to see, type, read. There is so much to be grateful for. If you cling to what was and what you feel you used to be, you are denying yourself the only thing that truly matters and that is now.

Now is the only thing/time/place that you have any control of or in. So focus more on it and I promise you will feel so much better.

[TreesMTBI in reply to WonderingWanda]

Thanks Wondering Wanda. I practice gratitude, and I journal but sometimes to be honest, it’s like reading the script to Groundhog Day 😂 and I do my best to live in the moment - what you say about living each moment in a way that matters to you/me - now, that’s something that has started to make more sense to me as I’ve done alot of therapy around living according to my values. Perhaps therein lies a secret. And then hopefully time does/will become irrelevant again (as seemingly it was pre-accident 🤷🏽‍♀️). It’s such a weird sense I’ve had re ‘time’ and I haven’t been able to describe or convey it very well here or with family & friends to say what I really mean. But as you say, time is just a construct that isn’t even real, only Now, and Now, and Now, and Now… is real…

What amazing beings we all are, taking our selves on this journey 🙃

[Ideogram]

Yep. I'm much less further in than you (seven months rather than years) but the time since last December feels like it's been both minutes and years. My normal reference points have gone - bank holidays made no difference to me; I didn't go on the holidays I had planned; and the weather has been so mad that there was no normal transition from winter to spring. I find myself angry that it's now got to summer already and I thought I'd be a lot better by now. It feels such a waste.

I've just gone back to work part time and it feels so odd talking to people about things I was working on last year - what I remember and that I don't - it's like thoughts vaguely wafting up from the depths. My memory isn't what it was.

Some days there is so much anger and helplessness. Some days there's almost a half-relief that I don't have to be in the middle of all of my old routine, as I wasn't really coping and was too stressed, exhausted and unhealthy before my accident. Then the anger and despair - and lots of fear - come back.

I don't have any shiny words but you are not alone.

[Leaf100]

HiI found having a day planner with quite a bit if space helps. Sure, some periods if time I forget...but the idea is I write in it things I plan to do that day, and then things I actually did.

Often not the same as I shift depending on how I am doing.

This is a second type of journal I suppose because it is just point form of what I did and it focuses on what I got done, and maybe what waylaid me.

It has helped a lot because I can look and see I am actually doing things. Also, it helps me not plan too much too many days in a row. For instance if I do something big the next day something equally big happens- rest - whether I like it or not. So it helps me with planning. I may also note if the weather is changing or stormy because those days are not ideal.

Before I started doing this I thought I wasn't doing anything useful and it was easy to feel the days just went by to no purpose, then I could see I actually do quite a bit.

I do include social events as well. I don't day a lot, just what and the time and maybe about what might be a thing that helped or hindered, to remember later.

There are lots of types of journals and it's OK to have more than one.

I need another - one that helps me track medication. I only take a couple and sometimes u can't remember did I or didn't I take it today.

Yes, time just slips by like water, and when I look at my day planners I see I am actually doing things.

I have an A4 size and one week covers both pages. The columns have a spot at the top where I not appointments, then a bunch of lines where I put my to do, and then what I did do - tick if I wrote it in or new notes below. Plus there is another space at the bottom if I want to give myself a tip.

I feel we do do a lot, we just don't feel like we do. Well, I was on the work force long enough to feel that way about my job really - I was really busy and time was slipping by even so. Doing some more interesting things on the side helped. Well now my capacity isn't quite the same so more simple things are on the list. Yes, to day I went to the bay where the garden swing is and I swang. Yes, it is therapy really and yes I also find it helpful to just be outside and people watch , maybe walk a bit if I am up to it. (It's one of those old fashioned swings with two seats facing - very sturdy - all wood. So once in everything feels solid - no ropes or chains.)

Remember stopping to smell the flowers etc is a simple pleasure that 'counts'.

My guess is if you write down like this you will see you do a lot. And more importantly you may change your priorities as you are able.

Leaf x

[followfranco]

I can relate to what you're feeling. Time has been blurring for me as well, much like living in a "Groundhog Day" cycle. It's tough to distinguish between yesterday and ten years ago, and seeing others move forward can be difficult.