Carer

[Gatzaba]

I am a carer for my mum who acquired a brain injury nearly ten years ago.

She is severely depressed and borderline suicidal, in her own words. She goes to bed every night praying that she won't wake up the next morning. I can't say that I blame her.

She is in constant pain, she has a permanent headache that never becomes any less painful. She suffers from confusion, memory loss, severe anxiety, panic attacks, loss of independence, loss of her former less, she is without friends and doesn't leave the house, only interacts with her son and mother via video chat and is extremely lonely.

We keep being brushed off by neurologists and GPS and physiotherapists.

It's so hard to see her in so much pain and feel powerless to stop it. I can't help her. Everything I do or try only seems to make her feel worse. I feel like it's all my fault she's not happier. I feel like I'm not good enough and that if I were just... more then I would be able to help her successfully.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice, information, support or sympathy. Maybe just someone to care and listen. Please can anyone help me?

I am struggling so much to see her struggling so much everyday and feel like there's nothing I can do about it. I don't have many people in my life either and I don't know how to help her.

Kind Regards

[Silkwood20]

Hi Gatzaba,I am so sorry to hear of the struggles, you are both having. I do understand the feelings of helplessness you feel and the agony of watching her suffer.

Of course none of this is your fault and she is so very fortunate to have you standing by her. You can't fix her and yet you feeling guilty. I do relate.

I am sure some others will come forward with more practical advice.

I know we always say this but, DO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, that really is important, otherwise she won't have all the support she is getting. Can you get a break sometimes? She is your Mum, so I feel she would want that for you too.

God bless.

[skydivesurvivor]

hi, acquired mine in 2000. Sure life changing! Suffered the same headaches, like someone stabbing my brain with an ice pick?!! Brain is rewiring!! Lasted me about 10 years offered antidepressants but not taken only good news I can offer is it will pass!!! Making the new you?!! Learnt to SMILE to spite it?!! People thought I was mad? Making a better person!! Get to choose which bits of the old me I wanted to keep, bin the bad side of my personality!! A very hard, trying journey ahead but who else gets the chance to amend y personality? This site saved me many times in my darkest hours come chat n see?!! Loads of us have been where she is, no better support than those who’ve been through it!! Good luck & SMILE!!!

[Nemo24]

Headway have a phone line for help, you'll find it on their website. Getting our and seeing people is best thing I do, which takes focus off headache too. Are there any local groups you can join? For her and for you as a carer. Definitely look after yourself too

[cat3]

I'm so sorry to hear of your mum's long term struggles and your ongoing stress in a seemingly intractable situation.

Are you in the UK ? If so, I'm wondering has your mum's GP not been pushing for appropriate treatment ?

Most of us here have struggled with aftercare ; it's either non existent 'til we source it personally, or waiting lists are atrocious.

Confusion, impaired memory, panic attacks, poor mobility, loss of contact with friends etc., are classic brain injury after-effects. Accepting, and adapting to, these changes is a big challenge. It was here on Headway where I learned the facts. And members here are a great source of support.

Maybe phone the Headway team On 0808 800 2244 for guidance and support on your situation. They are none judgmental and can hopefully guide you toward practical help.

Please stay around Gatzaba, and keep talking . . .

Cat x