Post Traumatic Brain Injury

[Chelblue]

Hello everyone, unfortunately I suffered a TBI in June 2021. I spent two weeks in hospital having been in a coma for 7 days.

I have a son who I have had minimal contact with since birth and in July 2022 came to live with me due to not being able to live with his mum. I have spent the last year trying to do everything possible with schools, sports clubs and getting him counselling. Unfortunately in May this year after having my nose broken I could not continue to support him and he is now currently in care. The last year has massively impacted my health, well-being and work. On top of this my son blames me for everything and even accused me of things that are unimaginable. It has all made me so unwell and unfair. I have ‘radar man’ who just thinks the worse all the time and I am so fatigued. Any help or thoughts would be greatly appreciated

[Fificakes2]

That's a lot of stuff you got going on. It must be stressful enough raising a child without having to do it single handed. He's probably very angry at life and not just as you. I hope that they will review the decision to have him in care as your health improves.After BI it can be very hard to control emotions and also to process big things happening. Do you have a counsellor to talk things through with too?

I think your BI was only 2 years ago and you will continue to improve very quickly still. Emotions are very tiring and draining and they give me bad fatigue too.

What does radar man mean? bI makes you lose so much and I'm not surprised you're feeling down, because life is very complicated.

[Chelblue in reply to Fificakes2]

Thank you for your reply. Radar man was a term used when I started suffering panic attacks and this was because ‘radar man’ thought I was in danger. I will look into counselling but guessing neuropsychologist is the better option?

[Leaf100]

Hi ChelblueAre you in t ouch with Headway - the number is posted in a link to your right.

They have all kinds of info and local resources, and may be able to point you toward a neuro psych (either psychologist or psychiatrst)

2 years out from inury may seem a long time - it is actually early days.

You're still healing at a good rate, even if it doesn't feel that way - and you will keep healing, though after about 4 years it slows some...and often there are residual impacts though some manage a more or less normal life.

If you are having panic attacks you should also ask to be assessed for those.

You have a lot on your plate, and you did your best to be therebfor your son even though you were in difficult circumstances,

It sounds like he has his own things going on, too.

Do ask for a referral to a neuropsych - the difference is the on with the MD can rx and monitor medications, and has a bit more clout than the psychologist.

It would help if your son can get counseling as well, though he may not be in a place where he can understand bi.

It is difficult for a lot of people to get.

You did your best at the time and it's all you can do.

And as an aside, I had a friend years ago who married a divorced man with kids, who made accusations re their Mom's bf... because they wanted to live in the city with Dad (as was discouvered later) ..and then found out they could be emancipated at a certain age...so started accusing their Dad... because they wanted emancipation (ie they could live on their own at 14 and the government pays where I live)... who knows where they get these ideas from...

Anyway do your best to do for you because you've got to sort yourself out, and get some counseling as to how to potentially keep a foot in the door with your boy...

Sorry you are going through all this.

Keep us posted.

Leaf

[Nafnaf87]

Good morning Chelblue

Don't know much about offspring but do know family can be very cruel - as Fifi says your son is probably just angry at what has befallen him, does his mother have no input? I'm assuming the care system where you are has knowledge of your injuries?

2 weeks in hospital after coma seems very short never mind after TBI. 25½ years ago I was in hospital for 4 months full time followed by 3 months part time at a rehab unit. To be honest, despite the fact I wanted out (who wants to be in hospital, too many bugs there) they let me go far too early with next to no follow up and support. I still have lots of issues, I know I am not right and fighting to get attention for myself has been hard enough.

Do you know if the health service local to you has a brain injury unit - ask your GP. Also look up your local Headway group and ask them for support. Others like the local council should be aware (through the local education authority who know through your son) and should offer services such as advocacy.

Unfortunately all these people hide behind tight budgets but you must shout as long and as loud as necessary to get the support you need.

Best wishes

Michael

[mountainbiker1]

Hi Chelblue,

I don't often respond to these notifications of requests for help but I do to yours because I can empathise with what you're saying.

I have a 7 1/2 y.o. son who I have not seen in person for 3 1/2 years because of my ex's and court action. I also had an STBI. I was out cold for 19 days when I was 10 and my parents were told I'd be a vegetable for the rest of my life. I was lucky. I am not. That's where I'm coming from in my understanding of your situation.

1. I don't know if this is the same for you but when I have several difficult/ important emotional things going on at once, problems where there's no easy solution- I reckon 3 or more- I go into freeze mode. I cannot decide what to do. I'm just stuck on the horns of a dilemma until it passes. I have to remind myself that 'This too shall pass.' Patient endurance is the catch phrase of a teacher of mine and I try to remember to make it mine too. I assume my particular difficulties with this come from my brain injury but of course I have no way of knowing because my injury was in childhood and I can't remember what I was like before it or what the same situation is like for other people.

2. Your problem, like mine is one not only of a TBI but also of separation from your child, and of the false allegations made by him which must be incredibly hurtful. You're between a rock and a hard place. An incredibly difficult situation to know what is right to do.

I can only tell you what I would do. You know your situation best so you must make the decision.

My feeling is that being in care is not good for a child at all and that he needs his father. But his resentment and false allegations against you would make that difficult. You might have to endure them, if you think that's the right thing to do.

I have found FNF Families Need Fathers- Both Parents Matter to be incredibly helpful and supportive. Here is a list of local groups: fnf.org.uk/get-help-menu/lo.... Some are online which is how I attend my nearest groups in Harrow and East London. I'm based in Kent and those are my nearest.

It's a really tricky situation.

I wish you all the best from a fellow separated father.

Jonathan

[Teazymaid]

hi I’m sorry to hear how difficult life must be for you at the moment .. the only thing I can say is that I’m coming up 3 years TBI and an still improving loads .. memory , speed of thinking , even multi tasking is improving all the time .. please remember you are at early stages of recovery and it’s really does get better just keep trying anything to keep your brain going …. Keep chatting on here as for me it has been the only place I have made sense of the new me and yes I am getting use to it 😊 Infact I quite like some of the new me 😊 sue x

[Chelblue]

Thank you everyone for your replies and the kind words and encouragement. I will keep you all posted - take care everyone

[Hidden]

I have been through similar issues. I do get fatigued from dealing with multiple stressor too. I was in a medically inducedcoma due to craniotomy for access left temporal lobe from bacterial meningitis of my brain may 2014. With therapy I have connected this illness to trauma from my family of origin. It was critical to my healing to comprehend this. My father has his own reality interpretation of my life and my illness, I have to again block contact with him. He is 86 and lives 1900 miles away. I guess my insight is if someone or a situation in our lives is too much for us perhaps it is time to set hard boundaries.

[Roundhead1974]

If you go onto the headway website there is information you can download to let people read so they understand what you are going through.my son has just come to live with me at 15 and it's so hard for him to understand what I go through each day.btain injury's are not visible and that's why people don't understand you.on this page people relate to what you are feeling.you are not alone.😁

[catrabb1t]

I just wanted to say well done on supporting your son when he lived with you. Doing all those new things with school, sports and counselling with a recent brain injury is good going. I imagine you felt very tired.

Being involved with children's services can be difficult and distressing. If you need to talk through something, I found this non-profit organisation that offers a free one hour phone consultation to support you. I am not sure of the fees thereafter if you want to take their support package. there-for-you-advisory-serv...

I wish you and your son well. Keep talking on here.