I sight needed

I had a craniotomy 2014. Acquired TBI. My husband is a veteran. He too has ptsd but there is no way he will admit it. I have ptsd too. The horrible world situation is too much for me. I can no longer discuss it with him. It is triggering. But he does not stop. He discusses with his brother daily. I have had trauma recovery. I need insight as far as why he would do this to himself..I understand the neuroscience behind this. I am having some pain issues as well that have flared up. I also have night terrors so he hears me scream in my sleep. I have my own tablet now. He has the smart phone. If I understand someone else's situation I do better. Thank you PS - he had mild tbi from his service.

[cat3]

Hi Freedom. I do sympathize, but can identify with both sides. I struggle with people talking too much as my brain's capacity for stimulus has greatly shrunk since the Bi. And I'm regularly reaching for the mute key on the tv remote because I find noisy sound tracks to movies, and annoying ads, infuriating.

But I do find myself ranting about the endless wars, the abuse of the planet etc., etc. although it's just once in while, and usually after watching news items.

So, whilst I'm somewhere in the middle, I really do empathize with your feeling harassed & disturbed by hearing constant negative, and depressing, conversation.

Is spending time in separate rooms an option ? And are you able to take walks for exercise and a change of environment ?

Cat. x

[Hidden in reply to cat3]

Thank you cat. I now have a tablet. He has his own phone. I read a research article on pub med regarding ptsd stress fear maladative behavior.The brain is kindled like in seizures to over react.yes I have to leave h8m walk outside go for a drive. I said in no uncertain terms no discussing of world events. On my tablet is peaceful music medscape drugs.com etc. Podcasts and webinars about health issues. Weather bug. I am a retired nurse- was rn.I know what to do for my own health well being. He has never liked be controlled even if he is not. He looks for issues and any sign he is being controlled.

[cat3 in reply to Hidden]

I guess living separate lives in the same house is what many folk do, quite successfully. It's good that you're managing to find escape strategies for yourself ; I have a wonderful family who I'm in touch with daily, but I'm happiest in my own space, living at my own pace.

Hope you find peace and an occasional treat m'dear... x

[Hidden in reply to cat3]

My husband is a very good man. I love him very much. Despite the horrible state the world is in there is a toxic cult like unhealthy obsession and fear.My concern is this will take him away from me. I finally told him that tonight.

[cat3 in reply to Hidden]

It's good you're tackling the problem directly ; keep talking with your husband. And maybe a chat with the Headway team could provide support in getting help for his obsessive issues. The helpline no. is 0808 800 2244 on weekdays.

Wishing you both better days to come.. x

[skydivesurvivor]

Spent a month on life support, came out very remote, unable to socialise with anyone! Divorced hubby for abandonment. Took me a decade to realise the changes to my character! 20 years on having tried to remodle the new me?! A trying time for sure!! All I can suggest is to smile to spite y frustrations?!! People will think y crazy but WE know different!!! We are the biggest survivors!!! Keep safe n say hi to him, oh that make y smile?…. See!!

[Hidden]

Thank youskydivesurivor. You are right. No one is the same after TBI. I had lots of medical treatment Therapy. I am being gaslighted. We all are . By our devices by corporations family members etc.

[Alibongo60]

Hi Freedom, I think as far as your husbands ptsd goes it is a specialist trauma that is best dealt with by military agencies, I don’t think civvy agencies who have not been there can understand exactly what he is going through, my daughter is a veteran, twenty two years, prior to medical discharge, she was a trauma nurse at the front line collecting casualties off the streets of Basra, so you can imagine her ptsd is based there and Afghanistan, so I can sympathise , my daughter came home, but she’s not here, she can’t do the job she loves anymore, she has had to surrender her pin, until she can prove she is mentally fit, you would think she was like one of these murderers, sorry I am waffling. I think you both need professional help, to get you through the trauma then you can work on everything else. You will get lots of help and support off here people will try to help if they can, lots of luck and love Alice xx

[Hidden]

I do need support. I will be checking therapy options again formyself. He will not get help. I am one of many in his life who have told him he needs help. The people who suggested this are not in his life. Alice thank you. Things in the world are bad. He believes one side has to win. he wants to protect me when it happens. He has been in Bosnia Rwanda kuwait.This is a hard situation . If we go our separate ways the consequences for both of us could be devastating. I have a level of fear that went away around 2018. Both from the terrible world situation and my husband's beliefs.

[Alibongo60]

Hi Freedom, I’m afraid if he won’t seek help there’s very little you can do to help him and you must help yourself first. This situation in the Middle East will not be helping and will be triggering his ptsd to a higher level. Will his brother not have a word with him if he talks to him and more likely to listen. Take care and let us know how you get on xx

[Hidden]

Thank you Alibingo 60. His brother is also a trigger for him. I am not politically partisan. His brother is and the opposite of him. Yet talks continue due to family guilt obligations. His mother told my husband his brother is grateful for their talks. I do not now why. Arguing etc. If I cannot handle issues one thing at a time wrote down notes etc I get overwhelmed and fight flight fear fawn starts. He does not listen or care the neuroscience behind this. I am being blamed for all the chaos. I do share responsibility but if I can resolve things I do well. You are right. I need help. Just made appt with new primary care provider. In December. At that appt we will discuss therapy again for me. Thank you for your support. This group has been the most helpful for me. I have tried others but a group for tbi recovery ptsd etc is great.