Oh god where do I start? I have posted previously explaining what happened to my husband. 2 years ago (severe tbi) and how it is impacting life for both of us. He had quite recently got his driving licence back which was stressful at the time as I was over protective but it worked well as it gave us both a little independence from time to time.
I have also recently given up my senior management job as it demanded too much on top of my husband and our 2.5 year old (6 months when it happened)....
Anyway a few weeks back he had 2 seizures in 6 hours, the first one lasted 10 minutes. The good news was that he was at home and not driving and I was able to help him......he also had a CT scan again to ensure that nothing sinister had happened but all was the same as before. The down side is that obviously he had a driving ban again (we live quite remotely so public transport is non existant ) and during the subsequent neuro rehab appointment he was told that now 2 years post injury he will not work again...at least not in the role he had which was chief executive !! He was also told that his behaviour and achievements are also too-inconsistent that working will be very difficult. Now of course I already knew all of this...but sadly he does not have insight to understand any of this.
Since then he has been so depressed and lays in bed alot and is difficult to motivate. The thing is though this mood seems to be for me only. His teenage adolescent tendencies have moved from 75% of the time to All of the time.............unless he is with friends or old work colleagues and then he puts in so much effort he is like a different man.
Oh I miss him so much, everything we had together.....I feel so alone and that none of our friends understand as he is so different with them that I appear so hard on him. Tonight I was driven to floods of tears and as I sobbed uncontrollably (which is normally only privately) he sat and had his dinner not even asking what was wrong.... and then asked if he should take the rubbish out (it was the 20th time he had asked me this in 2 hours) I just screamed so loudly like a wild woman.....I am embarrassed now thinking of this....oh I don't even know what I am thinking or even trying to say.....it just hurts more than I can even articulate.
My step daughter to whom I am very close, called me today and said that she has met someone she cares about but is so fearful of falling in love as she know how it can all be torn away even when it is perfect. She said I don't think I cope with what you have lost.......I don't think I can either.
Sorry bad day.........