All in the mind?!

[Life-Goes-On-2021]

SometimesI feel that I am just pushing to be ‘normal’ - to conform to everyone else’s view of what I should be! It’s exhausting and also consuming. Where’s the time in my world to be me?

I am sitting here this morning in bed having just woken up. I think I slept ok, but as usual I just feel exhausted! Trampled! My Hubby has rushed about listing al the jobs needing to be done before tomorrow (having a party for him), and I find it hard not to cry! I want to be full of energy and excitement rather than fear that I am no longer enough in so many ways.

This isn’t new. I’ll summon up the energy to get up and on - put my head down and do the things that are waiting, but I never finish the ‘list’. All I can do is be in the moment.

I’m constantly surprised by how much time passes and equally panicked by how little there is left but so much still to do! Even after 5 years, my ‘capacity’ is considerably less than before injury for all the reasons we all know so well here. It still catches me out regularly!

So, onwards to meet the day! Smile, pretend it’s all ok for them! Maybe one day it will be or at least I will have convinced myself it is! 😀

[paxo05]

Hi, just one thing I need to say who wants to be NORMAL.

You are who you are now. We that's easier said than done I know. We all strive to return to who we used to be. Mainly because that's who we used to be.

Accepting some of that person has gone is a big important step. Concentrate on improving yourself and your life. Wasting energy on trying to return to who you was is wastful and pointless . We don't have the energy to waste on such things.

You can still be a good person in this new version. Basically you are still you, just a different version.

Hope this helps in some tiny way ,

Pax

[Jonty77]

I totally understand. It’s so hard to know if you’re doing it for you or so others will accept you. I have moments where I feel like me again and it’s like seeing an old friend, but then it slips away just as elusively. I totally believe in the possibility of post traumatic growth, and I’m sure it will come, but it feels like it’s taking a long time. It’ll be 2 years for me in November so I guess it’s still early days.

Hang in there, we feel it too.

[Nafnaf87]

Good morning Life-Goes-On

Like to say I understand but to be honest I don't. After 25 years I just want to be "normal" though I no longer understand what that is. I want a quiet life not afraid and fearful of everything around me but I don't know how to get it.

I had to fight like hell to get properly back on the books of the Brain Injury Service last year after the nonsense of Covid because I want help even though I don't understand what that is either, I just know I'm not right. So I now go and see psychologist Dr Pam about once a month which has been very helpful even though she really doesn't get it or understand either.

The few people around me have always said you should get PIP, so I applied for that during the Covid nonsense just before I ended up in emergency accommodation after being taken to court for trespass by my mother. I was in very deep dooo-do and didn’t know or understand what the hell was going on, the PIP was refused as I scored 0 out of 12! 3 years on because the even fewer people around me still said I should get PIP I summoned up the courage to apply again. A lady at CAB did the form (it's a book not a form and I don't understand that either) and Dr Pam wrote on my behalf. Went for the obligatory face-to-face about 2 weeks ago, got my Headway group chairlady to put me under her arm, and just had the results letter. I'm going to get standard rate PIP because I scored 11 out of 12. I don't understand what was different now against 3 years ago .... besides I think I am even more confused mentally!

But to hell with it, like you I just want to be normal so this is my normal, I have no choice. I smile because that is better than being miserable and do my best to be helpful to those around me because I enjoy that. This is my normal and I get on with it as best I can because there is no choice.

Most here are the same as far as I can gather

Best wishes

Michael

[JPBeeves]

We all want to be like “normal “ people but this is an ambiguous definition. What is normal.? This will be different in all people.

You need to be you and not adhere to other people’s expectations.listen to your body and it will tell you how much to do.you need to prioritise your needs and make a list

[1949liz in reply to JPBeeves]

hi I agree with you say we all would like to be normal. I would like my voice to return to normal but it won’t, I would like not to have endured such abuse again that won’t happen. I would like not to have a brain injury again that won’t happen. SO I am trying to embrace what has happened to me so I can embrace my past and look forward to the future without fear and anxiety . I am seen another psychologist. Hopefully things might turn out better. So I ask this question what is a normal. please take care love Liz and Shelly🙏⭐️

[Life-Goes-On-2021 in reply to JPBeeves]

Ahh - a list! I used to love a list. Like committing all your worries to paper for safe keeping so that you could clear your mind as well, of course, as the practical side! So now I use electronic notes, diaries, alarms as my writing skills are still not up to it. Ok in basic terms but don’t somehow give me the ‘calm’ effect of a lovely bit of paper!

[skydivesurvivor]

The toughest, hardest part of recovery from TBI is accepting we have changed?! The old me is gone!! Time to rebuild the you, take the better qualities of the old me, hone other better bits. Who else gets this opportunity? Toughest for loved ones as they see/ expect the old u to continue. U face a tough journey but here we would love to hear how u get on in this journey. May make us jealous of u progress!! If nothing else, a safe place to vent u frustration ?! Like minded imaginary colleagues?! Who know what u going through? Keep safe & SMILE to spite it ah?

[Life-Goes-On-2021 in reply to skydivesurvivor]

So very true. Acceptance of the ‘new’ me was hard, but necessary to progress. Overall I manage this but the demons can still come knocking- more often in response to others’ attitudes and my frustration. I’m generally pretty level headed and apart from a bit of a stilted walk at times, probably don’t look like there is an issue which can play both ways. I cover very well also by coasting around furniture etc to compensate for my balance problems so that most outsiders wouldn’t know the internal efforts to make that happen. On One one hand I don’t want a fuss, but alternatively I do need assistance with some things to manage - a double edged sword for us all I’m sure!

[skydivesurvivor in reply to Life-Goes-On-2021]

Know that one!! Keep aafe

[Teazymaid]

I think I’m my biggest critic .. I want to do more and others have no idea how I feel … even with me explaining They don’t listen or even being to understand .(husband that is ) if il poorly ( just a cold or sore throat ) I just shut down . Find it hard to even talk … if im stressed it’s the same … .. I keep going when everything about me is ok … not sure if you feel like this … but it’s very much at the forefront at the moment ..Suex

[Life-Goes-On-2021 in reply to Teazymaid]

I can definitely relate to this. Take care, x

[savingjane in reply to Life-Goes-On-2021]

Totally relate Sue. You are not alone, feeling like this. I get exhausted explaining how exhausted I am...x

[Nemo24]

What is normal? Not sure was normal before head injury. Its so frustrating when you are doing your best to get stuff done too. Now I just manage what I can in any one day, hour, minute. I know life us different and been trying to reread some notes from previous health specialists sessions. Helps as a reminder. Just manage what you can and please try not to worry.

[Life-Goes-On-2021 in reply to Nemo24]

Thank you. I’m generally a positive person! Just have my moments and you are right - what is normal? My nature has always been to keep the peace so blend, support, etc …. Occasionally it’s not great as my own needs get masked is all. I can also get stubborn with other peoples lack of understanding, but anger is exhausting, so often I don’t push the point. Life is certainly a continuous learning curve!

[Nemo24]

Think I spent my previous life conforming, being helpful, supportive and keeping the peace. Latest version of me doesn't manage that as well. Sometimes it's a case of agreeing to disagree but at least I have said my bit and not bottled it up. That helps too. If you are struggling say so. Is there a close friend you can confide in?