Right so I'm usually fairly ok with all this stuff that's happened right? I mean, whining doesn't get me anywhere. Now that that's out of the way...
Everything was so good; my friends, uni, I was getting together with a girl, and I was planning my life to work in a neurology department. I know that sounds generic, but I was excited.
Now a stroke I can bear, strokes suck, but I got off fairly light. But the reason for it I do not find ok. Having a death trap installed inside my head is something that isn't acceptable. For those who don't know, I have an AVM in my brain, which is basically bad blood vessels that can burst at any time, killing you. There's nothing you can do about it, it'll just happen for no reason. It's an extremely rare condition, and most people go through their lives with these things in their heads and nothing happens.
But me, at the age of 20, just so happened to fit in all of those categories. Not only that, my AVM is huge and diffuse, and thus inoperable. I had gamma-knife surgery (basically radiation) to scar the veins so no blood can pass through them, making it no longer a problem. As I say, mine is huge, so this working is not 100%, and it takes years to work.
Then 6 months later, just I was starting to hack it, I started having seizures, and not just a few, I've now had 8 within 10 months. The medication I'm now on wipes me out, coupled with the stroke, and the fear of another one, is just something I can't get my head around.
What's worse is that telling this all to you won't do anything, it'll still be there, the stroke still would've happened, and seizures will still plague me. You tell yourself; "Suck it up, there's nothing you can do." or "Other people have worse than you". The problem is, I don't care. I find no comfort that the world can give people such crappy conditions worse than mine.
It feels like my life has been stolen before I really got to start it properly. I'm not much of a complainer, it won't do anything, and I will get back to it mind you, but in this moment, I just need it to end.