Anger management

[scottishbluebell]

Hello again,I'm wondering if anyone can suggest any tips or strategies I could use to help my son manage his anger. He is as gentle as a lamb when in a good mood but the slightest thing can send him from 0-10 very quickly and he can shout, swear and punch things not caring where he is. I know this is very common following a severe tbi and will ask for advice from his neuropsych at his next appointment but there's nothing better than advice from those that share the same experiences.

Ignoring the outbursts doesn't work, nor does trying to talk to him but we always talk through it when he is calm. We even have a code word that I'll say to let him know it's coming but in that moment it doesn't help. He recognises his behaviour after the event and hates it but can't control it at the time. Is there anything that works for you guys?

[paxo05]

Hi there has he tried getting anger management through your gp.

It's many years since I did my anger management. The main thing is recognising it , hopefully before it happens or at least its onset. Taking the good old cont to ten can actually work well.

The best thing is trying to remove themselves from the situation. The old fashioned time out can diffuse .

If I feel anger stirring I usually shot time out and collect myself on my own. It's a way for others recognising I'm about to blow and giving me space.

There are other things like recognising triggers and having safe places , physical and mental. A safe quiet place in your head is worth it's weight. Your happy place may sound a bit out there new age but it works.

But the best advice is seek our gp's help or headway.

Pax

[cat3]

Hi again m'dear. I'm sorry your son's anger issues haven't abated since your post of 9 months ago. Has his neuro specialist suggested he attend an Anger Management programme ? (and would your son agree to give it a try ?)

I still manage my own emotional outbursts by walking away and letting them pass, but my presence of mind to see though the anger is probably down to an SSRi antidepressant. Has a mood levelling medication ever been considered for you son ?

It's so sad, for all concerned, how brain injury can cause such intense bursts of temper in otherwise mild mannered folk. x

[Teazymaid]

hi and good morning 😊 .. I have been reading your post and reply’s as like your son I’m trying to work my way through my own anger issues … it’s like I’ve lost my off button when dealing with anything that is annoying me .. this has been a problem for two and a half years ( since my TBI) a have got physically stronger with two operations on my shoulders and nearly two years in the gym trying to build up strength in all muscle and yes that is working and I’m lucky to be as well as I am .. BUT the anger has got worse recently as I know want to throw things and punch this like a wall or table . It’s 0-100 very quick .. I am trying to deal with this by removing myself to calm down but I can’t say it’s working that well as when I get home I try to talk to my husband to explain to him why I have reacted that way ( it is usually my husband who annoys me ) because I struggle with my own lack of tolerance .. and because he gives his reasons for what he has done like removing tile adhesive from the floor with a angle grinder without shutting the doors or putting up the plastic sheeting to stop the dust from going into all the other rooms in the house for the sue second time in the week and the day after I had hoovered though because he didn’t clean up the first time and I was away for the night .. ( I’m sure that would annoy most people ) but for me I suppose I did quite well as I didn’t punch anything , I removed my self away from the house , I attempted to talk later to my husband … but I felt mentally exhausted … sorry long story but it’s the only way I can explain how I feel .. I am so sorry for anyone who feels like this . It’s though the roof anger and I am trying to deal with mine and I suppose me removing myself did work as I didn’t hit the wall or table and I didn’t throw anything …. Oh I wish other’s outside of a TBI could see how difficult life can be …. Sue x

[Writeronstack]

Hi there

I found mindfulness useful for managing anger - a session in the morning - and can be a short one.

Here is the link I used - it comes from the Oxford Mindfulness Centre - not just for TBI but generally being more self aware - which you say is the area your son may be needs to improve on.

oxfordmindfulness.org/learn...

I started with ten minutes, and dropped down to three. Some days, once in a while, I do the whole 40 minute thing. But it just works, if you use it daily. By itself.

Hope he gets better.

[scottishbluebell]

I knew I'd get good advice coming on here. I will definitely look into anger management and call the helpline, he's already on venlafaxine for mood but is currently weaning off because of nasty side effects. Depending on how the weaning goes I will ask if there is an alternative. He's also prescribed a sedative for when we are in situations he can't cope with but I only use it when I think he could put himself or others in danger.I am so patient with him but when something triggers an outburst I sometimes struggle especially in public places because it's awful for him and so many people just don't get it. Sometimes it must look like an adult version of a tantrum, but it is scary when it gets physical. We never hold onto these bad moments, always quickly move on. I guess it is still quite early in his recovery and we are both still learning ways to live with this new life.

[cat3 in reply to scottishbluebell]

I just want to add -- Venlafaxine was my first SSRi and the side effects were dreadful, even after the standard period of adjustment (4 weeks). It took many months of trial & error with other types before I found a 'match'.

Compatibility, clinically, with each individual's unique chemistry is time consuming. But the right combination brought me from the darkest of places to a normal life.

I really hope you and your son are headed for better days m'love.

All best wishes, Cat x

[James1984]

I know with my BI I find my thinking ability easily overwhelmed by social situations and multiple things happening at once. What has helped immensely is, besides SSRI medication, going for a walk at the start of each day to get the oxygen in the body pumping properly for my brain and the associated chemical balance, as well as not pushing myself as much as normal people, so that I expect less and other people expect less.

I hope this helps, James.