Hi every one I'm new here & am not sure what I should tell you all? I guess I am a saviour like everyone here perhaps or maybe not who knows. I was a victim in a fatal head on road traffic accident & I was the lucky one so I was told as the driver who caused it did not make it sadly.
The accident left me in lots of trouble apart from my physical injuries for it left me suffering from Severe PTSD & Depression as well as anxiety issues & Severe Migraine issues. I have been living of meds ever since however they work only up to a point. I also suffer with anger management issues which can just flare up without any warning . Since the accident, I have also had a bleed on the brain twice since my accident which has caused me other problems.
I hate the fact that I now find it very hard to concentrate on matters as I feel I blank out without warning sometimes & feel tired so often. I also forget the simplest of things be it what I ate for lunch or dinner that day. I forget so many things & I was told my medications can cause certain memory losses. I have now had a recurring headache for the past two weeks & know that there is nothing I can do about it as I have spoken to my Doctor but they only suggest taking more tablets.
I worry about why this is happening so often but am told I have to accept this might be a side effect from the medications but am told they are the best things for my symptoms? I wonder if there are any of you with similar problems for I feel I'm going nuts, my family avoid sitting with me most evenings & they say it is because of my mood swings I did have some hearing loss after the accident & often miss what someone says to me so have to ask them to repeat what they said this they find annoying as do I. I am always tapping either my fingers or my feet & find it hard not to do either thing. This also they find aggravating & I don't even know I am doing it.
I know longer recognise myself anymore my wife & I now have a huge gulf between us because she doe's not recognise me any longer due to the way I am, I my sleep I can turn aggressive & lash out hitting her in the back which must hurt for there have been times I have punched her as well as my bedside cabinet which I now have to stuff pillows between it & myself every night I have also managed to kick our wardrobe closet & fallen out of bed quite a few times now while trying to lash out in my dreams.
To be totally honest the driver who caused this all I feel got let off lightly for his pain is over with while my own just keeps on going. I am so sick of my life for it is not me so how can I accept who I am now? If anyone knows the answer then please tell me for I hate who I am now.
Written by
CaptBolitho
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Welcome, indeed it's sounds like you are in the right place and totally qualified or this group.
How recent was this ( I may have missed this) ?
Although your symptoms may not be the same as others they seem to fit the general bi symptoms. Anger, headache , poor memory . Some of these can be proved through learning to manage or recognise triggers. You'll hear the cry contact Headway....if you haven't then you should. The help is unbelievable.
There is a future after a bi. Its a different one than planned, but it's a future.
Oh as well as headway being great for you it's also great for the family and carers of people with bi.
As for this group ask away and share what you want with the group.
Thank you for the welcome an the advice I shall keep it in mind well as long as i can remember it so I have made a note to myself to check the replies often.
like what paxo05 said... reach out to Headway, they offer support for you and your family...
don't try to get through this on your own
it doesn't have to stay like this forever... sure, life isn't going to go back exactly the way it was, and yes there is still a future... there is light at the end of the tunnel
call Headway, get the professionals involved - you and your family need them.
Hi Leaf, Thank you for what you wrote I try to keep such thoughts in mind though it is hard trying to get by looking ahead is not something I feel sure about as when I have tried to some swine pulls the rug from under my feet again! I guess that is life I try to keep positive but it doe's not help when I am reminded that I am not the man I was. I know this but hearing it said so often is a pain for I know that but it feels like it is their problem & not my own for I know I will never be the same again as I was but is my thinking wrong?
Hi Capt, it sounds like my first year of a brain injury. Things will get better over time, a few years maybe. I still haven't quite fully accepted my situation and who I am now, I also hated who I became, still do sometimes. It will help to join a weekly group at Headway or whereever you may be. There are a number of apps like google tasks which I use for memory and planning. Excercise if possible is a very good idea. I try keep myself busy with something new every day. It's a hard road and I hope you find some light in all this.
Hi Tunas, thanks for the advice I will take what you wrote as great advice & look them up after all I have tried so many other forms of help one has to work & be right for me.
Hello Capt, and welcome. We are a community of survivers, and carers. Between us we have all been where you are in one way or other. Feel free to ask anything, share as much or as little as you are comfortable with. In a way we are all experts in our own journey, but that doesn't mean we are always right. Headway,as mentioned by others is a great source of information and support for you and your family.It can be difficult for relatives to understand, or accept what we experience, it largely relies on people being willing to learn everything they thought they knew all over again. This is a big ask for us as survivers, as well as those that we share our lives with. This is probably the most abstract experience anyone can be part of. It isn't easy, and the amount of times you seem to hit the wall does make you question how you can keep going. You will keep going, and you will find the strength as we all do.
A head injury is unlike any other injury, it doesn't have a set trajectory. Try to be easy on yourself, it is a marathon, try to keep that in mind, rest when you need, don't try to fight fatigue, we all do in the early stages, rest is one of the best healers.
No one would choose to join our community, but as you will find, it isn't a bad place, maybe not where we would have imagined to be, but a good place considering.
At the risk of sounding like a 1980s nuclear attack pamphlet, I would say a way to proceed may be to accept, adapt and survive. Once one stops fighting the effects of the BI and embraces the new person you have become, you and your family will find life easier - notice I didn’t say “easy”.
You can then focus on adapting. Your brain is an amazing organ and, over time, you may find you can achieve amazing things with it, be they new skills or old ones relearned. Headway will be able to advise on your rehab options, I am sure.
Finally, survive! A physio who was treating me for calcified tendinitis and frequent dislocations of my shoulders (a surprise bonus of ABIs like stroke, I gather!) said to me, “you are a fighter” and he was right. Turn that inner frustration into a determination that this will not beat you!
Oh, yes, we do the bedside cabinet thing - I fell out of bed and made a mess of my face, breaking my nose in the process. They don’t warn you to clear space around your bed though there are rails one can fit to the bed if prone to falling out. (My wife sleeps apart from me these days. Better for us both!)
Yes, you are so in the right place by posting here. Come back and keep us updated with your inevitable progress and, in time, you will be able to inform others of how to cope.
Seek counselling for the PTSD and survivor guilt which is entirely natural. I still wonder why I made it when 92% of others did not.
hi, my name is Michelle. Basically suffered a traumatic brain injury in 2000. Suffered a lot of your symptoms, long hard journey to redevelop my character. Divorced, unable to work because of much the same as you!! Life has changed profoundly!! Lost my parents/ carers in mean time. Struggle to stay awake most days due to can’t sleep at night? Joke have a 1/2 working neuron in a very dusty attic?! Developing the new me, very challenging. Accepting am different. Finding new friends as long loyal friends were either lost in divorce or accident. Hard for them to maintain friendship when a person has changed so much. - to put it socially acceptable? Lost many social sides to old life!! Trick is to build a new one!! Will be very challenging!! Recognition of the new you, character. Cost me even siblings!! Until u acknowledge the changes in character u won’t improve the new you. In my case 20years, feel proud that I have jettisoned the less tolerable traits, learnt to manage them in a rather weird way!! Met many people through a day centre I attended, share coffee with others. All either disabled or elderly. Honed my personality/character. Look at it like when as a child haveing to make friends again. The neuron is now growing!!! Finding others in all the garbage in that dusty attic!!! The main lesson I have learnt is to smile!!! To spite the injuries, sigh and have another coffee!! I owe it to the medical staff who saved/ nurtured me in my original recovery. Hope this has been of use, take a second to consider before y react?! - also helped me greatly. My god I spent this long on one task?!! Quick!!- where’s the kettle, whilst grinning inanely!! 🤞 know we will always be here for help?!!
Hi Michelle, many6 thanks for the advice you left for me. Might I ask was the divorce down to the injury you had as I know that having this problem has put such a strain on my own marriage. luckily for me maybe is my wife being an ex nurse is a little bit more understanding of my problem though I do not see it as just my problem but that of my whole family as we all live together. But it is what it is & we try to make the best of things.
no, we’re leading different lives prior to accident. Grown apart, actually divorced in 13 year of marriage. Spent 9th in induced coma three days after. Life goes on, hope u find solace.
SHi Michelle, I hope you are feeling great today as the weather is so good. Very sorry to read about your marriage sadly these things do happen. We were married at an early age I was only twenty & my wife was twenty one we have survived through many hardships my accident was perhaps the low point but after 48 years we count ourselves blessed I guess. I hope if an when you find another partner you are luckier than before. I hope that you are able still to socialise with others it would be a shame to shut yourself off. Hang in there always. You may have many things in common with Barry on here as he was a sky diving instructor so look out for him his new on here. All the4 best my friend.
Hi thanks for the interest in my case, I shall be sleeping with my wife in our extra large bed we have now bought which allows our dog to sleep between us. We did consider single beds but after 48 years of marriage sleeping together that was to bigger blow to accept for us both at this stage.
hi sounds like youcertainly need the supportwhat an awful lot to go through, i know i went through hell too, i had a stroke infront of my 6 yo then they performed an emergncy craniectomy to reove the blood clot that was swelling my brain in the process they removed a chunk of my right frontal lobe removing the control of the eft side of my body then put me in a coma to heal for several days, my young children were traumatised, now 5 years on. and yes it 5 years in feb. i am walking i talk i am studyinga degree with open university
Hello Bluelyn, thank you for the very kind reply to my first post here. I am so sorry to read what you also went through such things can & do cause much distress to the very young who do not truly understand what is going on. I noticed you wrote a post about back treatment, Have you ever considered trying an osteopath ? I have been using them for over 25 years now as my own back has major issues from blown disc's which I have had to live with of course I could have surgery but it comes with to higher risk for me at this time. However they keep me very mobile an I can at times walk without a walking stick though I prefer to always have it with me as it helps with my balance as I now have one leg shorter than the other which adds to the pain in my back. If I elected to have surgery I would loose a certain amount of movement in my back which I do not wish to do so the Osteopath who happens to also be a qualified sports therapist is excellent. so take a look on line until I found him I was in agony for three whole years & barely able to stand let alone walk. I hope this helps you all the best on your recovery & your future.
hi i as trying to show how even with the bad we can get through and still follow dreams even its later than planned.headway is an amazing support group i was with a group where i lived previously they were amazing, once i get my licence back im going to join one of the local groups in my new location for that morale support again honestly it helps so much. i used to have a support group for help with my children additional needs buttheres nothing like it whrre i am now and i really miss the support i receicedfrom people in the same situation.knowing and talking to people having the same problems as you really helps you to deal that little bit better. and others can pass on advice for how theydealt with stuff. sharing knowledge is the best of support groups.i spoke to a counselor after i moved in with my parents 2 years ago 3 years after my stroke as my mum felt i dealt wit it proprly. dhe was right i was so angry, then my husband left so it was a good time to get the counselling, i worked through anger at the drs withholding information from me, they didnt tell me about the removal of thr brain sction i had to read about it on my discharge papers!!!!!
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Husband had a severe TBI
Court
Finding work
Post Concussion Syndrome shaking
Need to vent
