Well what will today bring. The elderly lady who caused the traffic accident, and caused two of my children to sustained brain injuries is in court today. We have been told she doesn't even have to turn up, can do her plead by letter. She has caused us as a family so much heartache over the last 6 months, and changed all our lifes beyond believe.

A small fine for dangerous driving just isn't good enough, could even get cut to careless driving. This makes me very angry that we have these injuries to live with, and fight for everything for these 2 special children. Feeling very bitter and angry.

36 Replies

  • It's a civil matter, the person and school who caused my accident didn't even have to go to court and I never got a personal apology or explanation, only an admittance of liability when pressured. It's hard not to be bitter when it was someone elses fault but we all make mistakes and some people have to live with their own mistakes for the rest of their lives.

  • Unfortunately I can't think and accept that at present. I've got 2 young children who have brain injuries for the Rest of my life.

  • im with you 100% on this, 3 of my children were injured in a crash caused by someone elses stupid actions and 1 is left with brain damage. it will be 4 yrs ago this summer and i hate that woman as much now as in the begining. she never apologized of even asked how my kids were, not even at the hospital, she had a fine of £285 + costs for driving without due care and attention and can get on with her life, we have been to hell and back and our lives are changed forever. i feel for you x

  • thanks for your reply. its such a dreadful situation to be put in. its 6 month since the accident for me, and i;m very angry and bitter, and don't think that will ever change. i know this lady will just get a small fine, and to me that's nowhere near enough. These children have the rest of there lives with so much uncertainty. I can relate to you with hell and back, nobody can understand unless being in that position.

  • so true, these accidents change lives forever and i too am angry and bitter. she never asked how my children were at the hospital or after and after paying her fine she could move on and put it behind her. the insurance companys and solicitors deal with everything from there and she will probably never know what she has done.

  • Live in hope of the maximum charge and fight for that, rather than what could happen and the minimum charge. Hopefully the decision will take into effect the ages of the children, injuries, amount of care they need, circumstances that caused the accident ( i.e were they in the road, was she speeding, seatbelts?, was the car they were in carelessly driven). I don't know anything about the accident due to your empty profile.

    Good luck, I hope your legal case has prepared themselves.

  • like care disabilitys there lawyers will try everything in b ook and lye

  • the woman's age is only relevant if it is being said she is too old to drive if she is physically fit and alert then she should be tried as normal

    what is wrong with this legal system

    my thoughts are with you

  • it isn't necessarily anything wrong with the legal system, its society that has the idea that the older generations are not capable, infirm, blind, deaf, boring ... etc. I agree with you, she should be tried as a person and not an elderly citizen. People are inept at using societies misconceptions to their advantage. For instance, Foreigners "cant" speak English, when they "can" but don't want to, old people are act as described above but are totally fine. The lawyers are good at emphasising these things.

  • I used the word inept wrong. I suppose I should have said good

  • true about the english bit,they can own a business,employ people,get tax returns,order food an beverages(in english) but when it comes to talking to the police...all of a sudden they are incapable

  • If she is at an age to drive then needs to deal with her actions, be different if it was a teenager I'm sure.

  • i hope the punishment fits

    but alas its not always the case,

    the lorry driver who wiped me out on my motorcycle

    got off scott free even though my brother in law was on another motorcycle with me, but he was not a reliable witness as he was related

    also the police put a producer in my pocket whilst i was unconscious (i made a complaint)

    but i suppose we do have to look on the other side of the coin

    it could easily have been any of us who caused the accident, as it it really takes is a momentary lapse of concentration, which i guess we are all guilty of at some point, just that we were lucky enough to have not caused serious injury.

    don't get me wrong i am not condoning the results of the accidents and i am deliberately differentiating between lapses in concentration or mistakes and reckless driving.

    now i know if it were me that made a mistake or a lapse in concentration and i caused the injuries to these children, then living with what i had caused would be worse than any fine or ban or anything else, as it would be with me for life.

    I know this is no consolation but its a point worth considering.

    and yes i am angry at the lorry driver who caused my Physical and brain injury, and yes i feel it is unfair that he got off scott free, so i am torn in two directions

  • Biker, I was honestly thinking exactly what you've said before I came to your reply, I completely agree with your torn in two directions comment. I cannot imagine how I would cope if this happened to my little one and I am sure I would be overwhelmed with wanting the driver appropriately punished but I also fully associate with what you say about us all making mistakes, unintentionally. I know if I made that sort of mistake it would haunt me forever and any punishment the courts decided on would never match how much I would punish myself.

  • i have been thinking about this further, ok we don't know the facts of this case so julie this is not aimed at your case, more a general observation.

    but we all make mistake everyday its just that the consequences are usually minor or trivial.

    but driving is something most of us don't really give a 2nd thought to, its natural, instinctive, and with the amount of traffic about, a lot more dangerous than we care to admit.

    we cannot be concentrating at the task at hand 100% of the time its just not possible or human for that matter, our minds wander depending on the stresses life has thrown at us.

    i am not religious, but the statement 'There but for the grace of God, go I' holds very true

    i see this a lot in the biker community because a week doesn't go by where you hear about one of your brothers or sisters being killed or seriously injured, and their attitude towards disabled people is admirable based purely on that statement.

    If you are intentionally driving dangerously then that person deserves to fully get what is coming, but a mistake that any of us could make, should that be punished.

    for the record the lorry driver that hit me made such a mistake.(the type any of us could make)

    . can i forgive him? i dont think so

    . do i wish he was punished? hell yeah

    . should he have been punished? honestly if i am to step back and take what i feel about it out of the equation i would have to say No, maybe he has punished himself enough?

    on a side note: one of the tricks my CBT therapist taught me was to step back and imagine you are looking at whatever it is from the other side of the coin, and this does help although i don't consciously do it, writing this has made me realise i do do it (oops i said do do lol)

  • Hi Bikerlifestyle, I know what you are saying, my partner was knocked off his motorbike 5 months ago by a young lad, unfortunatley he suffered a TBI and Hypoxic brain injury at the scene, was in a coma for one month and is now in a Vegative state, they have told me he will never return home to us, although I do still hold out hope for the distance future that he will get well enough to. The court case is being held next to decide what sentence the lad will be given, he has only been charged with driving without due care and attention so it will probably be a fine and points, nothing compared to what myself, daughters and partner are going through. I find it very hard to forgive him, although it was maybe a mistake any of us could of made and hope that he realises the life long pain and suffering he has caused and it makes him suffer also for the rest of his life (somehow I dont think that is going to happen though).

  • I am sorry to hear that, my heart goes out to you

    sadly you are right and the punishment will probably be minor, and despite what i have wrote above trying to rationalise the situation to take emotion out of it

    i still cant forgive the guy who did this to me,

    please if you are up to it let me know the outcome of the case.

    as it would be nice to know if the punishment is apt or not

  • Thanks, I will, although the police have told me to expect the first hearing to be adjourned though because there is so much paper work to look at.

  • I understand your frustrations, save your energies for things you can make a difference with. Give all your energy to your children they need it more than the person who caused yours and thier pain.

  • Julie, do you know the outcome of the hearing ? & why is the woman's age an issue ?

  • Yes, I see your point about the age. Sorry if I offended anyone, I also apologise for mentioning race, I was just making a point that people use social misconception to their advantage. We are all guilty of it, even us !!

  • thanks for all the comments. I Cant really discuss the case as it was adjourned today.

  • Hi Juliejls, did you attend the court hearing? I only ask because the lad who caused my partners accident is in Magistrates Court for the first time next week and I have been warned by the police family liason officer that it will probably be adjourned because of the amount of paper work etc involved...I just wondered what procedure is. Hugs to you and your children

  • I feel for you Julie, I really do.

    It makes me sick how lightly these people r treated. I appreciate we all make mistakes, but we still have to face consequences, even as little as forgetting and burning toast (which I'm ace at) we still have to deal with consequence of making more and therefore our actions.

    The lad who hit us was 17 driving 3 weeks mounted the curb hit me & my wife as we walked home and smashed into Britannia building society shutting it for 10 days due to structural damage.

    Although liability was finally admitted the police merely slapped wrists as the officers there failed to gain relevant markings and evidence. He's never been in touch, apologised or been punished. I live in hope that he is a decent human and has sleepless nights through guilt and remorse.

    The sad fact of life is fault is admitted, it's now down to insurance company and solicitors to settle, but the mental and emotional burden of the claim plagues me and my family daily (over 4 years now) while the guy responsible has now of this.

    Sorry to run on but I can only relate to circumstances and it took me 3 1/2 years of being bitter and angry to realise I have limited energy these days and that needs to b focused positively on me, my wife and daughter. I can't change what's happened but I can focus on making our lives better and hope the claim resolves itself so my family r secure medical/care needs I have can be provided for.

    Lots of love & well wishes x x

  • that sort of incident falls more into the act of dangerous driving rather that what i mentioned earlier about lapses in concentration, and i don't blame you being angry, i till am after all this time,

    how could they try and deny liability if he mounted the pavement that's ridiculous.

    i hope your claim goes well and gets sorted quickly

  • My claim took 7 years to complete, 3 years for liability to be admitted and 4 years to establish what problems I have and compensation i'm entitled to. Because I was a child when I was injured what I would have earned in life was entirely speculative and in the end I received pennies compared to what I would have earned throughout my enitre working life. There's no compensation for loss of graces, relationships, quality of life etc. which is hard to live with. Despite all my troubles, they expect me to work, otherwise I'll have a very grim and meager life indeed, that's a huge pressure on me as I don't think doctors/solicitors really appreciate my difficulties and just compare me to others which is was crude way of doing things I felt, but at some stage the case closes and they ignore your cries afterwards, so it's better in some respects that it's a long process incase you don't fully appreciate your problems, but for liability to be established IMO doesn't justify the years it sometimes takes, solicitors want their fees though...

  • hello allsorted,your reply inspires me x

  • I hope all goes well for you.

    However, the RTA is a civil matter and will be heard in a Magistrates Court. If the case is found that the driver was at fault then irrispective of what the tariff given by the Magistrates then that opens the door for you to pursue compensation on behalf of your children.

    That the driver may make a plea by letter and not be present does not matter; the same would apply to you if you were implicated in something like. What does matter is the finding.

    Your brief will doubtless be present and will ask for compensation to be granted at the eventual successful completion of the hearing and he will be instructed to pursue that matter through the legal system.

    Sorry for the late reply.

  • am not a mother,but i have nieces and a nephew,who are as my owni cannot,or would like to imagine.the pain you must have gone through to see your children hurt,and realizing their lives would never be normal again...there is one thing they have,that god has given them,and that is you!a mother fighting for her children,a mother there for them.

    ..i feel quite selfish when i read these forums,i am 47,and had a full life,to survive in the world the way i am now,if i was younger..well i would have nothing to look back on....

    let me assure you of one thing..the love i have in my life has kept me safe and strong.

    .and as far as my attackers who stole 180 quid of me that night,and the police turned up and walked me home,after i woke up on pavement,ten days later was being told they speak no english so they could not be interviewed properly.(now in hands of police complaints commission,and to tell the truth,i cannot be bothered..just want to get well,then fight)

    i totally hear your frustration,and were it my children damaged,i am sure i would of fought harder for justice.. it is so hard for you,but keep the love in your heart strong,

    let the love you have for your children eat the bitterness away...

    i am not you...but i hear you..

    with much heartfelt compassion

  • I am so sorry to hear of the anguish you are going through and I can certainly empathise with you!

    My son was hit by a car which was driven by a traffic policeman's daughter and as a result she wasn't breathalysed, questioned or charged with speeding! she was heard to say after she had hit my son ''get my Dad''and when he arrived he had her car whisked away from the scene of the accident! It was thought that my son was going to die and so a police accident investigation unit arrived at the scene and many witness statements were taken! However all those witness statements disappeared along with the large investigation file! That's police corruption for you!

    My son died twice in the ambulance and was revived but was in a grave then critical then stable condition for 11 weeks whilst he was in his coma!

    Life for him has never been the same since and it certainly affected all family and friends! I just hope the young girl and her Father can live with their guilt as they were truly evil in their actions!

    As a consequence of their actions my son did not get the amount of compensation he should have been due because she did not admit to her 100% guilt!

    Am I bitter? ...... Most definately !!!!

    I hope your children make a great recovery and fight on for your children too, I hope you get a good outcome from your court hearing!

    Keep strong!!!

  • Thanks for your comment. Oh yes I feel very angry, the night before the accident 3 healthy children went to spend the weekend with their dad, the day after both lay side by side in intensive care fighting to stay alive. jack was thriving at school, and now he struggles to concentrate, and only manages 2 mornings a week. Sophie was a very happy little girl, now is full of anger and terrible mood swings, her work at school has really been affected. Our lives will never be the same, and what the future holds nobody knows.

    So feeling angry and bitter I think is natural

  • Hi julieljs,

    Thank you for raising this issue. I am so sorry to hear of what you and your family are going through, and with the court case at a key stage it certainly is an extremely difficult time.

    Have you received any support for the children from the Child Brain Injury Trust or Cerebra? You can find out more about the services at:

    Organisations such as Roadpeace ( ) and Brake ( ) can be a very good help when dealing with situations such as this. They are road safety focused charities with helplines for people who have been affected by serious road traffic incidents.

    You are also welcome to call our helpline on 0808 800 2244 or While Headway do not generally support children with a brain injury, we can talk things through with you and provide you with any support we can.

    Best wishes,


  • Thank you, I've been in touch with child brain injury trust, and also had alot of support from brain box.

  • yes very natural indeed any of us would

  • Hi

    My husband was hit by a drunk driver (brain injuries amongst others ), who was prosecuted for dangerous driving (he had been prosecuted before an banned for dangerous driving!) The judge gave him the maximum sentence he could 16monthsand 5 year ban (he pleaded guilty hence got sentence reduced by a third) the judge commented that he would have given more but he was restricted by parliament and how the law need to be changed. Unfortunately after good behaviour etc he will be free after 9 months and will be able to get on with his life as before! but we all know our lives will never be the same! I feel for you, I have had the bitterness, wanted my revenge and i used to lie awake at night plotting! the worst day was our first christmas day when i remembered all the previous ones! But i had to come to terms with the 'cards dealt' as the bitterness can eat you up and destroy you and you need your energies for your children. I think it is far worse for you than it was for us as it is your children -at least my husband was older and i know that both of us would have swopped places if it had been one of our sons- Stay strong as it is amazing where the strength comes from and i wish you peace of mind. Let us know what the sentence was, as at least we found that the 'court bit' was over and done with as even if they got 60 years it does'nt replace what happened.

    best wishes x

  • Thanks for your comment, the person who caused this dreadful accident has already handed her licence, so can't be banned from driving. The charge will be dangerous or careless driving, which comes with a small fine. Which I do feel degraded about. Memories of how life use to be are heartbreaking, jack was thriving at school, now finds it hard to concentrate, and obviously his short term memory affects his learning, the future for jack been independent is the part I'm finding hard to come to grip with at present. Sophie looks fine, but had lots of hidden problems, she had fracture skull, causing damage to her frontal lobe. She also will need lots of support at school! Which we are pushing for at present. We Back to hospital tomorrow to have jacks skull replaced, so apprehensive times.

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