Need to vent

Its been almost a year since the accident which left my partner with a TBI after 3 bleeds on the brain and multiple broken bones. Thought we had got away with things reasonably well compared to a lot of your stories on here, but this past month he is driving me insane. Wether he is stressing because they have said it is time he tried to return to the work place part time or what, I dont know. He was a lorry driver and is not interested in doing anything else but they have revoked his HGV. I have tried to be supportive and suggested a lot of things within the transport industry that perhaps he could consider but am really struggling. Because of this he is now doing odd and random things which just dont make any sense. He gave up smoking 4 years ago after a heart attack, went on to vapes and since the accident has existed well on patches. Came home from work the other day to find him outside smoking he had gone to the local shop and bought a pack of ciggies. Now this is a daily occurance. We have a Pyrenean Mountain dog, normally in the hot weather we shave his belly and trim up his top coat to cool him down, a neighbour told us of a woman that lives locally who would do this at a fair rate, because i have to do the lions share of work and work full time Ian made an appointment and took our dog. I got home Monday and was horrified at what she has done to my beautiful dog, she sheared him like a sheep and the big lumox stood there and let her and paid her to do it. I have never seen anything so bad, my poor dog. Then he loses his temper with me over it, which is happening a lot just lately. Some days I just want to run away, he keeps organising for people to come round and do jobs but he has no money so I have to pay I just dont know what to do anymore. Anyway rant over just needed to get it off my chest.

11 Replies

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  • hj10hm0 who says he has to go back to work, where and how severley was his brain damaged.

    i do hope youre not going to tell me hubbys on anti depressants, my doc wanted to put me on them, but i told him where he could stick them.

    i see a psychiatrist, my wife does most of the talking because since my bi i dont like strangers and only go out with my wife.

    find your nearest headway group for support, its not just for us but the little darlings like you who put up with us, our rudeness, taking everything out on you because youre there and probably because we trust you and know you wont let any harm come to us.

  • Has he had cognitive testing done by a neuro psychologist? It sounds as if he perhaps has some problems due to his frontal brain having some damage.

  • yes he had all the tests and got really high scores. When he is concentrating you would not know there was anything wrong he is so determined to get well again. Then he gets these random days where he just does stupid things

  • Could the days when he doesn't manage be associated with having done too much in the day/s before and he is cognitively fatigued? So he can't think as well or engage etc? I know that affects me in that way. I am similar age as you guys.

  • Yes that is what usually triggers his off days. We went out for the day on Sunday for grandaughters 5th birthday and he got over tired. I am normally a bit more patient and recognise the signs of fatigue, make him rest up a bit more. But I have Crohns so if I get too stressed it can flair up which makes me irritable. So its just been one of those weeks. I normally read a lot of the posts on here but dont get too involved as I think it is great you all support each other.

  • hj10nmo my doc sent me down the psychiatrist/ neuro psychiatrist route because of my aggression and mood swings, ive also been diagnosed with epilepsy, anhd and a personality disorder.

  • Bless you Steve, how cruel life is to the best people at times. I know you are all struggling and no two cases are the same. Depending on where the damage to the brain occurred. I am guilty of not having thought about brain injury untill it happened to us. What a beautiful complex piece of machinery the brain is. Ian has been seeing Neuro Psyche for about 6 months now, he is very good at hiding things and does not talk about his problems much then it explodes as a full on temper tantrum and I realy do try to understand but I guess only people that have one really know what it is like. I am so sorry if my little vent upset anyone I have read a post that someone finds carers rants upsetting, its not meant to upset its just so hard to understand all the time what you are going through and what triggers your bad days

  • hj1ohmo before my bi i worked with adults with learning disabilities that showed challenging behaviour and we used to to do abc charts, a what were we doing before we lost our temper, b what was it that eventually made us lose our temper and c what was done to make the situation calm.

  • Hi, I was talking with another member of this forum this morning and we both said that plenty of info is available about brain injuries, but there is almost nothing to tell the nearest and dearest what it is going to be like looking after someone who has been changed by a bi.

    It is incredibly hard and however much you care for that person, there are times when life with them seems impossible. I am sorry, I don't have any advice for you except to ask Headway if they can suggest anything.

    Don't worry about the dog, he will look odd for a while but it will grow back. Luckily, dogs don't care what their hair looks like (unlike us humans).

    Do vent on here as often as you like. We've all done it in our turn!

  • Thanks it does all get a bit much at times. Especially when you have been supportive then he says he is fed up with me and my attitude over the past year. I can do no more and have to bite my tongue all the time, often feels like I am walking on egg shells. What I find hard is his OCD since the accident and how he has to cling to what he knows. He hardly leaves the house apart from to see his biker friends. He wont go to a Headway meeting although his Neuropshycologist has suggested it and anger management, he has OT comes in every week trying to help him but he agrees with us all then does his own thing. We have all told him to write a list and tick things off as he achieves them he does it for a day then reverts to his way. On the whole we have been lucky he is quite high functioning most of the time then he gets days where he is either crying or manically laughing it is his emotions which have been damaged and motivation mainly. But like you all say the fatigue is the worse thing, when he gets tired he does the silliest things, after rest he knows he has been stupid then he gets angry with me, but I think he is really angry with himself. We have to keep going and are in a better place than most, we are older he is 57 and i am 59 so our house is almost paid for and I earn a good wage but this means that after a couple more months he will not get anything as he is on ESA for earnings related but we dont qualify for anything else because I earn too much so i have to pay everything and have had to dip into my savings to pay off all his debts and keep everything going. Bless him he means well but does not understand the pressure he puts me under at times. xx to all we will survive it just been a bad week. He is not on antidepressants but still taking quite a lot of painkillers. Doctors just keep giving them out like smarties.

  • Hi, my partner is only 9 weeks in from a motorbike accident, besides broken bones, I have just found out he had 3 different bleeds and right frontal lobe damage. The bleeds were, arachnoid, intracranial and subdural. Are these the 3 bleeds you mentioned? If I am being nosey, then I apologise. X

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