I've been slipping down and down into a life of virtually nothing for the last few weeks. When I say that, the downward slope has been going on for much longer, but the present day is what I'm talking about.
Why? Lots of reasons.
Let's start at the beginning, I had a TBI 15 years ago which changed my life. It took away my career, has left me unsure of what to now do with my life.
Due to my TBI I have put on a huge amount of weight. That's affected my mobility and sucked all my confidence and self-esteem.
My counsellor is on holiday now for another couple of weeks.
My close friend who I usually talk to weekly is away for a couple fo weeks too.
My son is on his summer holiday now. With my husband working still from home, it's my responsibility to look after him. To keep him busy and interested and happy. However, because I'm in a depressed slump, I've been letting him endless access to my phone and laptop. This is wrong and I know is wrong, but it's easier. Hands up I admit it, I'm not doing the best job of it. Which makes me feel even worse.
As my husband has just said to me - we've finally talked about it after a few weeks of this - my reaction to these things is not a healthy or constructive one. I'm hiding in the house, not going out, watching telly, playing Candy Crush and trying not to think about it. That's definitely making things worse as it simply underlines how different I am from everybody else in this world. I'm the outlier. I'm the different one. I'm the one who's struggling to cope.
It was my husband who suggested I could write on this forum. As soon as he said it, it sounded like a good idea. So I was wondering, can any of you relate to this in any way, even in a small way? If so then I'd love to hear from you X
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saville75
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Oh dear, so sorry, two weeks is a very long time to get through without your usual support network. I can really empathise with that, it's always tough to get through. I think we've all had days when we want to retreat from life too - in my head I've always labelled it my 'stop the world I want to get off' time ( even pre BI) Baby steps are my way out. In no particular order....Ring someone even if it's an aged aunt and listen (or possibly ring Headway and talk)
Tell yourself you're just going to walk to the corner and back. Take the offspring and jump the paving stones - or walk pigeon toed. Talk to a friendly cat. Say hello to a neighbour.
Get some paint and paper out - for either or both of you
Kick a ball in the garden, your lad is still at a non critical age. Surprisingly refreshing compared to the horrors of playing sport with contemporaries of whatever age.
Go somewhere, even a supermarket and buy a plant or a bunch of flowers - take the small one and give him some money to choose a toy. Really look at him, and the flowers.
Plant some lettuce or cress seeds together
Find some mud to dig in and decorate with stones and sticks, or make a den.
Go to a charity shop and let him choose a toy. Buy a jigsaw or two to do together, buy something frivolous that catches your eye. Buy an old button box and find different ways of sorting them.
Go to the library and see what they're doing for children - a trail of some kind.
Ask Alexa for 'Baby Shark' and go for it.... There's some versions on YouTube too...
I know the effort to do the smallest bit of one of these will seem impossibly hard, but if you can find the strength to do one small thing that lets you focus on something else, it can be like making a tiny hole in a dam, enough to let other small things seem a little more possible too. In the end they add up .
I do know that I (far too) regularly resort to games on my phone apparently when I'm anxious, several times a day, and perhaps it helps, but it can be a way to prevaricate and postpone action. But if you notice anxiety is a trigger, perhaps try and self soothe in a different way. The thing I was told to try, which is handy when immobilised as you are now, was to trigger all the different senses, so for example, look at something you find pleasing, touch something that's got a lovely texture, like velvet perhaps, turn on some particular music you like, sniff some essential oils or perfume you like, taste something like marmite? it can be handy to have a box with a kit of things ready to hand, though even the act of hunting out each item can somehow shift your perspective I find. Perhaps turn it into a game. I do find that if I can substitute any sort of action for gluing myself to the phone, I do feel better for it . (The box idea reminds me of when I was a child and Mum had a decorated box of lovely curious things and mementoes we called the 'get well box' it was always produced when we were under the weather to go through and hear the stories attached to each thing - no iPads in those days I guess!)
So sorry you're low, hang on in there, you've taken the first baby step by posting on here x
Yep I can relate to this.Right the easy bit is offering the advice the hard bit is putting it in practice.
First don't beat yourself up. Don't concentrate on what has been but what could and will be.
Do small steps, literally. As has been said start small. A little walk out , maybe to a corner shop. Ideally round a local park or out in a green space. Fresh air and a calm surrounding is a great healer mentally.
I'm not talking a hike but can you all get out as a family. If there's a wood can you your husband and son build a den. Not sure age of son but believe me your husband will secretly enjoy this.
Concentrate on here and now . It sounds like your husband is trying to support, and yes he may not fully understand, but it sounds like he cares.
If you can't manage a walk yet and have a garden wait till the rain stops and sit out in the garden. Being coupled up inside is not healthy.
My TBI was nine years ago, and I can never be the same mentally strong person I was in my former life. Whilst I despise it I accept it as it cannot be changed, I simply have to adapt. I walk a lot (lost my driving licence again in June) and do volunteer work for the local hospice.
The way I put my circumstances in context on a daily basis is to remember there are millions of people, children and physically disabled people who are far worse off than I am. Good luck in achieving what you want x
Sounds very similar! Good news if it helps, as u redeveloped u character things will get more tolerable?! I need to let go of the old u, accept she’s gone. May find bits of the old u , polish and hold them dear. U have the chance to polish, redeveloped the new u in time you will find new friends, it’s a long hard journey for sure!! But I know u can do it!! U have the essence of a good character in there someplace!! Just need to be tolerant as u find her!! We all needy to try, u inspire many of us here!! We all need to see progress as it inspires us to continue our own struggles, please don’t let us down!! This is a wonderful site to inspire us! We try to encourage others & use this to bolster us!! Keep going u!! People with the same difficulties are relying on u!! We all need to see some progress somewhere!! Keep safe & continue please?!!
Thanks guys for your replies, it really helped me realise that I'm not completely alone. Yesterday I needed to go and pick up pills from the chemist, so got in the car to go. Music was playing in my car which actually made me feel slightly happier. Which was lovely. Anyway I'll see how things go. Oh and Painting-girl I'll remember your advice as I think it may help me with my boy while the summer holidays persist - thank you! X
There are lots of us feeling the way you do, so you’re not alone. Just got to do what gets you through the day as everyone of them can be a struggle. I’m new here today & your my first reply as I’ve had enough of talking to myself so I thought I would come here
Hey there Hi-Just-Me, thanks so much for your reply. Can I just say, I come here usually when things feel like an utter nightmare. And every time I do, people who reply make me feel as though I'm not alone and I'm not the only one to feel the way I do. Glad you've come here X
I'll put in something slightly different because others have covered quite a bit.
1. become aware of what supports happy feelings - like driving in the car playing music
2. what if you weren't in a 'depressed slump'? what if you are feeling this way because you are overwhelmed with alll you have to do, and the sudden lack of 'the routine' is letting you relax a bit - and you are actually tired/ not doing enough that supports you/ etc?
I am not saying these are the answers, but looking at things this way may help you tweak things so you are generally doing better.
I am also 15 years out, and I notice when I head for the computer games it is because I have basically had enough, and need a rest - and my brain sometimes feels focusing on 1 thing is a rest.
On the happiness and support lines , I find sitting outside in nature or just puttering with no 'have to do' in mind is amazingly restorative. I am lucky enough to live by the sea, and I go to a park that has a lot of walking paths, a swing (good therapy but it doesn't feel like it), etc. If I spend an hour to 2 hours there, I feel like I've had 2 weeks off.
It may be something else that does that for you.
Your job is also to look after you, please don't leave yourself off the list.
Your post made me think how right you are about the gaming. I never thought of it like that. When I start gaming I just forget everything & so focused on achieving my goals on my game also I love a walk down the beach just before sunset. It’s so peaceful to sit and watch the tide come in & no body speaks which is just how I like it.
Yeah, the games thing. I remember my counsellor saying to me how a lot of brain injury survivors do gaming as it makes them feel better. Almost that slightly jubilant feeling you get when you get to the next level - how that can give you a good feeling that you're struggling to get from elsewhere...I can totally relate to that x
Absolutely. I play racing games & solitaire . I’m glad I joined this group. You don’t realize how many people in similar positions when you sitting alone crying and feeling hopeless. x
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