Recovery from TIA

[sobs1962]

Please excuse any and all mistakes, I make whilst writing this post, as have just had a TIA, followed by an endarterectomy and was discharged from hospital last night. Was,speaking to the staff in the discharge lounge at Manchester Royal Infirmary and they said that I should think of it as a second chance at life. I genuinely don't believe that I deserve a second chance especially when I caused these problems by drinking and smoking excessively for many years and don't think I have the strength of character to recover from this,especially as I have several mental health diagnoses which are, major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder and I don't believe that I don't deserve anything good to happen to me and very much doubt,it ever will.

[Itzallgood1]

I'm so sorry to learn of this. Yes you could blame yourself but who's to know if it really come what you did. I know some that have had same thing happen and they have been healthy all their lives. You deserve a second chance just as much as the others that I know of that had this. I hope you will recover fully from this.

[sobs1962 in reply to Itzallgood1]

Thank you so much, but my depression has just been multiplied 10 fold and feeling like there's very little point in going on, especially as it's almost a certainty that I'll have another stroke with devastating or lethal effect

[Itzallgood1 in reply to sobs1962]

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully it doesn't do.that and you'll be ok.♥️

[Chat2U]

Hi,Have they put you on Aspirin or Clopidogrel? Or do they think that the endarterectomy fixed it? The TIA could actually have saved your life if it gets you on the right medication to stop a full stroke.

I am terrified of having another, so understand completely.

And I have to say, I think that the idea that you've got a second chance at life can be brilliant on a good day, but more than a little daunting when you're on a bad day. The pressure to do great things with your life and "get it right" can be overwhelming.

I would try to take a pragmatic approach and try to just take it your stride and move forward with your life.

Has it left you with any physical/cognitive deficits?

And do you have access to any counselling? (You can self refer if not).

Ax

[lcd8]

I think we all have personal regrets in life and are all a little guilty of perhaps not living the best ways we can. And sometimes it takes something pretty major to make us realise and change our ways. So sorry to hear about your TIA but the good thing is that you recovered, despite your other deficits. Everyone deserves a second chance and so do you. Please don't be too hard on yourself.

[john-boy-92]

If it helps, I spent many years running, Orienteering, cycling and being a "gym bunnie". I never smoked, and drank one small glass of wine with a meal a week. Out of the blue I had a full stroke that affected my eyesight and that meant my driving licence was revoked. When I arrived home from hospital, I had no idea where the bathroom was even though I had lived there 28 years. Don't blame yourself for your past lifestyle. Just like me, that may not have been the cause. Life may be different but it can improve way more than you think.

[sobs1962]

The fact that I have severe mental health problems isn't helping in any way as my brain goes straight to the worst possible scenario when something goes wrong straight away due to me having Borderline Personality Disorder. Need to find a local support group as I don't know anyone who's had a TIA or stroke and unless you've been through either a mini stroke(TIA) , like mine no-one else can understand in any way, the impact it has on your life and the lives of your immediate family.

[catrabb1t]

Sorry to hear you're having is so tough. You mention not having the strength of character and I recognise that you're saying daily life was already hard enough and exhausting for you and you feel overwhelmed with what has happened to you recently. Sometimes when people use words to express their good wishes to you (e.g. "a second chance at life"), they can be received as an added pressure especially when you don't feel strong mentally and you feel undeserving. Perhaps their words did not resonate with you and you felt that your mental health conditions were over-looked and not supported? I would imagine you were feeling very apprehensive at discharge about how you were going to manage with your mental health. Your mental health struggles are significant to your recovery and if you feel ready you can ask for support. From the information I have gleaned from the brain injury discharge team, you need to ask for a referral to a Neuropsychologist (via the GP or brain injury discharge team). They will be able to determine what symptoms are brain injury and what are your mental health conditions. In tandem, you may also require to work with the mental health team (GP/self-referral). Please try and be kind to yourself. With support and talking you might find you do start to feel better about yourself and your ability to manage. I guess you are already under the GP for medication, if not is that something you might want to discuss with them?

If you feel you don't have the tools to get through your lowest moments please talk to someone. Or regularly start to reach out. The Samaritans are available 24 hours a day and you can say as little or as much as you want, they really are a good listening ear - they won't judge or tell you what to do (call 116 123, there is also an email service but it has a 24 hours response time: [e-mail]).

You wrote your post a month ago. I hope you are doing ok.

[sobs1962 in reply to catrabb1t]

I'm feeling better than I was but my anxiety has definitely been worse since my stroke, mainly caused by worrying about what the future holds. Saw a specialist vascular nurse the other day,who assured me that I'm more likely to be killed crossing the road, than having another stroke, but as a born worrier,I can always find something to worry about even when there's nothing to worry about.

[catrabb1t in reply to sobs1962]

I can relate to having higher anxiety. I am not a born worrier. Since brain surgery I have had much higher levels of anxiety at certain times and am having panic attacks. They are unnerving and terrifying. I am trying my best to live for the day which is helped by having a lower brain capacity to fit much in because of fatigue and poorer memory. I think I'm in a protective blurry bubble being just 2 months since surgery and I hope I don't have to come out of it entirely. Thinking about that, my panic attacks are probably part of reality biting and I am trying my best not to face it yet.

Worrying about your future is a hard one isn't it. Can you capture your worries on paper and try and address each one with support or cross it out as too hypothetical? To try and not live inside your head as much.

I think the shock of having a stroke for you and bleeds on the brain for me need time to work through. They are such unexpected and difficult conditions to digest as are the new sense of self! I'm pleased to hear you are felling better than you were.

[sobs1962 in reply to catrabb1t]

Thanks for that, I do have severe mental health problems but I'm in therapy and hoping it'll help me as have been in therapy for 11 months now, trying to stay positive 😊