Aggression

[cashcraft39]

My husband had a AVM rupture about 9 years ago and in July two years ago he was in a motorcycle accident that caused a severe concussion. Since the accident he has suffered with a lot of things but aggression is his biggest. What have you done in situations of anger? Today he was upset that I said not right now. He flipped out started cursing and yelling at me in front of my family it extended throughout the evening and he even slammed the car door while I was standing there and it hit me. Later he felt horrible and didn’t remember half of what happened. I forgive him but I’m trying to figure out what can be done differently to support him. It’s hard not to think he doesn’t love me anymore when he gets so angry and says some really mean hurtful things.

[Pairofboots]

Hi, aggression is very difficult to manage on your own. I would contact the neuro team, he needs to have input from neuro-psychiatry and neuro-psychology. People that display explosive aggression seldom remember the details of what they have done, and although in the aftermath may express regret, it doesn't lessen the injuries they can inflict. He may need medication to help to even out his mood.

How open he is seek help is another thing. But you cannot continue living how you are, and there is very little you can do on your own.

Keep in touch, and I wish you well.

[crashclown]

I def agree with Pairofboots.I had very explosive anger from all my head trauma n injury.I say "had" because through years of meds,n therapy, I had in the past I learned to identify triggers n also understand I could have consequences to my actions,like being arrested n "jail"!!(just kidding by the way,havent been to jail ever). It's not easy to deal with,but I've learned to tell people "I need to walk away or not talk to u now because....".Music also helps bring me to a better place in my head (good distraction).

[cat3]

This is one of the many cruel aspects of brain injury and I feel for both of you. It's plain you're handling the issue in a thoughtful, intelligent way but, so long as there aren't consequences for your man's aggression, you're unwittingly enabling it.

I sympathise with your position and empathise with his. After a brain haemorrhage 9 years ago my emotional responses became totally disproportionate to events. I guess being a woman of average size with no propensity to violence I wasn't so much threatening as pathetic, although we know devastating hurtful words can be.

But a man's rage can be terrifying, especially where there's physical lashing out (as with the car door) and boundaries are threatened. My pent up anger would boil over into stinging tirades but, frustrated by poor word recall, it would usually result in my stomping off and sulking for days. It really is painful for both parties and some form of coping mechanism needs to be found before it destroys the relationship ....or worse.

My partner would simply pack some belongings and leave, for anything up to a week. He always returned and, gradually, we both learned the best techniques for dealing with the problem. Now we find that regular absences is the no 1 key as it allows us both to respect the other objectively, through fresh eyes. That's not appropriate for everyone I know.

If your man is willing to seek behavioural therapy, all the better for his understanding of the issues, the triggers and how to diffuse them. I really do hope you both find your way through this m'dear. But it has to be a combined effort ; you can't achieve this alone other than by walking away. All best wishes to you both.. Cat x

[cashcraft39]

His neuro does know about it they talked about if It got worse they would try meds because the meds themselves can mess with things. So he was doing therapy and it was working. We moved and now we are trying to find another Neuro for him to go to do it all stopped. He really is the sweetest guy ever I just can’t see calling the cops to give him consequences ? It’s not just the explosive anger that makes him forget he has very bad memory problems to begin with. He sometimes reminds me of the guy ten second time on the Adam Sandler movie where he goes through saying hi to everyone and then he forgets he was there talking to anyone. We can be talking about something seriously ten seconds later he’s like what was going on? Were we talking?

[Annie-GBIA]

A lot of people still don't understand how hard it is for families. Bless you, it's tough.

There is some really good info here for families globalbia.org/the-inside-an...

And here for anger - globalbia.org/anger-and-res...

I hope something helps...

[cashcraft39]

Thank you for the info