TBI patient who has forgotten his father is dead

[Ramonamahtani]

My father recently had an accident bd is suffering from memory loss. He cannot remember that his father has died 17 years ago. He keeps asking why he hasn't come to visit and where he is. It seems to be upsetting him tremendously. Doctors say to change the subject.

[Hidden]

If the accident was recent, his brain will still be recovering. Can you tell him that his father has gone on holiday or something and will be back in a week or two. That should settle him until he is remembering things better. After my husbands bi he lost 20 years of his life - totally forgot everything that had happened in that time but it gradually came back. Give him time to recover.

[cat3]

Sorry to hear about your father's distress Ramona. We have a similar problem with my (ex) mother in law though her confusion is the result of dementia.

She asks constantly about her son (my ex husband) even though she attended his funeral, with sound mind, 2 years ago. I have to keep changing the story to keep her satisfied ; he's REALLY busy with work or he's still away on holiday, (he's even had a bad back for several weeks).

It's odd, but when we stuck to the same story she started asking 'What ?..............still ? But this way she's much more accepting.

It can be exhausting but probably kinder than the truth. And in your father's case, where healing is key, it might be detrimental to his recovery. Hopefully things will dawn on him gradually when his brain starts to heal some more.

All best wishes for better days ahead for your father, and all of you who love him. Cat x

[oldbessie in reply to cat3]

My Mum was the same with Dementia, but I think it was kinder to tell her truthfully that Dad had passed on. She always accepted this answer without getting upset.

[RogerCMerriman in reply to cat3]

My Wife's grandmother who had dementia and lost the memory of her daughter and my wife's mother had died, complicated by the fact that my wife looked liked her Mum, and was the right age for the remaining memory's.

So in the end they didn't correct her seemed cruel to do so.

[oldbessie]

Aye, a typical doctors reply. I think they need to realise you need a bit of reassurance too.

[keeley24]

Not sure what would be best in this situation. Like how is their memory at remembering what you told them? If they do remember what you tell them it may be better to gently remind them the person is no longer here or they will wonder why they are always to busy to see them or why they have never ending holiday. Of course if they forget what you tell them half hour later no point upsetting them again and again.