Post stroke aggression

[Guinea-fwrog]

So, I know this is probably a taboo subject but I wonder if anyone else has experienced out of character aggression and if any thing caused or improved it.

My husband's aggression since his stroke 10 months ago has been steadily increasing from verbal to mild physical and has got to the point where he started lashing out at the children with no warning and completely unprovoked. One Saturday afternoon, after resting all day and being sent up meals and drinks, he woke, and as me and 4 kids had just decided to go on a nice walk decided he wanted to walk the dog with us. But within 10 mins he was pacing the floor, breathing heavy and muttering under his breath - we all know to keep out of his way when he's like this - so no one was hassling him. A few minutes later my 13yr old lad cried out to me for help because "daddy just punched me, full force for no reason" .

Hubby then tried to skulk away back to his room! When I challenged him about what he'd done he didn't see it as a problem. When I demanded an apology for our son, he gave a sulky teenage style sorry. He had no recognition of the enormity of his actions and behaviour. This totally shocked me.

I spent the following week seeking professional help for him, which has resulted in social services saying he cannot live in the family home or have unsupervised access to the children. His stroke team have managed to get him a neuro phycologist appointment for a few weeks time.

The children don't understand why daddy is living at Nan's, they think his behaviour is ok because he can't help it. Hubby keeps asking me when he can come home and telling kids he's back in two weeks. As he still doesn't have any understanding of how unacceptable his behaviour has been.

This is so tough, I'm basically a single mom with four children. I never expected this to happen and I can't see a happy ending on the horizon.

[Woo777]

I too went through this after mine and anti depressants helped me and accepting my mood change , can’t you ask him to count to 10 every time the anger comes over him ?

[Guinea-fwrog in reply to Woo777]

Thank you for your message, Woo777. Are you feeling a bit better now?

Believe me, countless times over the past months I have 'talked him down' and ' revisited' situations to discuss a different action. I have even ordered him out of the room in rising emergencies. Unfortunately I can't predict or prevent any more as it's happening too suddenly. Plus I was often at work or out doing chores.

Someone private messaged me and suggested magnesium supplements. ?

Have you come across magnesium or other supplements as a treatment?

[Woo777 in reply to Guinea-fwrog]

I’m really good now thankyou x wow the magnesium thing might be the key , I had a fit last August and went back in hospital and had low magnesium so had to have a fizzy potion every 4 hrs and looking back that might be why I was always angry . Ask him to have a test with his doctors XX good luck xx

[sospan]

A lot of people post injury develop quite violent mood swings. When you talk to them about it, it seems to be that every thing builds up inside and the only release valve is to lash out.

The causes can be invisible to the uninjured but grating to the survivors nerves. It can be as simple as someone continually tapping on their phone or a dog that won't walk by your side and pulls to one side.

Medication can help. Sadly the term "anti depressants" is used badly to describe them. What they actually do is to slow the brain cycles and activity down. Whilst this does subdue a lot of emotions, which is why people describe it as being "zombiefied". The main reason some people should take them is that because it slows the brain down, it take a lot of the load of it giving it more time to "repair". The brain doesn't really repair but develops new pathways and new ways of coping with the injury.

As long as his mother is safe, then in the short term, it is probably not a bad thing he spends some time there and it may become his "safe haven" where he can retreat to when things get too much. Perhaps even splitting the time between the two and see how it works out.

[sca2013]

You're doing the right thing, even though it is so hard. It is critical you keep your family safe while things are getting worked out for your husband. I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. Wishing you the best in things getting figured out and that your husband can experience a better life with all of you.