New experiences and the reality of brain injury post lockdown.

[deborah27]

When I say 'new', maybe I mean clearer. I needed to get a few things for my friend's little boy's 3rd birthday. I went by taxi to our local shopping centre. It has lots of shops and cafes etc...

I live on my own and have been working from home too. I have got used to a degree of isolation and quieter days. I wouldn't say lonely as such, but certainly months of less chatter and noise. The shopping centre was busy, lots of people, noise and bustle. My heart beat became faster and I felt as if I was outside myself. I saw arrows everywhere on the floor and some people standing apart and others not. I felt confused by the many directions and arrows, finding it really difficult to think straight about where i needed to go and what i needed to get. I became very confused and the noise of all of the other shoppers was like a loud persistent babble and droning noise. The sweat was running down my face, my back and my hands were shaking. I have not experienced these extreme feelings before. It was almost like a blind panic, real fear and yes, i felt lonely today.

I did go into a few shops, bought random things, also a couple of things i didnt need. I continued to feel detached and as if i was in a dream. People in masks, people directing and pointing in shops to move a queue along, people not wearing masks and the noise and conversations coming from all directions. I couldnt wait to get out, to get home, to stop feeling like this. I looked stressed and when i saw myself in a shop window, i thought, who on earth are you! When I got home, I had a good sob and fell asleep on my sofa. I feel as if I have climbed a mountain today. I have to say that i do believe that it is partly due to being on my own so much, but that the brain injury definitely showed up today in all it's glory and it was not a good experience at all. I am sure more than me find the return to the world outside daunting. I am going to think about how to make it less frightening for my next trip and how to minimize the anxiety. So maybe not 'new' but reality that is now more noticeable.

[Marnie22]

Hi. I am sorry you had such a horrible experience. Have you considered calling the Headway helpline? I ring them regularly and they always help. The number is 0808 800 2244. They will have an idea about things specifically from a brain injury point of view.

All the best. 🙄🌸

[deborah27 in reply to Marnie22]

Thankyou, yes I think I will give them a call.

[Marnie22 in reply to deborah27]

🙂🌸

[Sal_T]

Hi, it sounds like you had a really difficult experience but it's great how you stuck with it and persevered. I wondered if there's somewhere in your local shopping area that could feel like a refuge from the bustle... Maybe a bookshop, or a quiet cafe? Then maybe when you next go out shopping, you can keep dipping in and out of the busy shopping areas, but retreat to the quiet space when you need to.

[cat3]

I do empathise Deborah. I've isolated from day-one apart from a once-weekly shop at Tesco only and worn mask & sanitiser even before it was compulsory.

But this surreal Covid atmosphere together with the restricted breathing (from mask) and the crowds after the solitude of home is exhausting. And I guess that odd feeling where you're standing outside of yourself, separated from reality, is a mechanism for distancing from the situation.

The chaotic guidelines (and so many people ignoring them) is emotionally exhausting I agree. So I try to limit visits to absolute essentials and stick to a list (unless I spot an item I'd forgotten). And everyone has to make do with gift vouchers or online items for birthdays gifts.

Take care m'love .....................I hope your outings lose a little more of their sting with each visit. 😏 x

[tennijul]

I totally identify. I self isolate from time to time. Have done for years now. The world and its people can just get overwhelming at times. . I take a month or two from work. I stay in busying myself. I am a lone not lonely. The breathing space is good for me and helps my to recharge. So lockdown waa very normal for me. Actually it was better than normal lockdown because I was on zoom or social media much of the time. Then I was working. But yes, every time is challenging and overwhelming stepping back into the world again initially but I reajust quite quickly. I am sure you will too

[Fificakes2]

Deborah27. I understand exactly what you mean and when I first went to my local shopping centre I felt the same and it is very overwhelming with arrows everywhere and barriers and the people in masks make it very hard to recognise where you are.

I’ve not gone back again for a month. I think maybe start smaller and do one shop that’s outside, so no arrows.

I agree it’s really horrible at the moment and I hate being out sometimes.

All the best wishes for it